Was it reasonnable to have children

[Guest I was satan]

Sorry for bad english. I am from france. No forum exists like this here.

43 y/o.. Male. Severe Ocd since my 7 birthday.

I have a 3 y/o son who is (i am school teacher) the most emphatic, full of compassion, and test at 140 iq....

BUT.

I saw the terrible statistics of heritability (40 to 80%) and of transmissibility (10 to 30% between first degree parents)

Was it reasonnable to have my son.... How to cope when he will have ocd...

I am ill of this thought

Ps i was satan refers to my first intrusive thought

[PolarBear]

Welcome to the forum, satan.

There have been discussions on the forum before from people with OCD wondering if they should have children or not. I can tell you that I suffered from the disorder for nearly 40 years before I got help and I had two children, both who grew up to have anxiety disorders. Despite the challenges we have all had, I would not change a thing. It was challenging raising kids while having a major mental disorder but we had a lot of wondrous, joyous times. That's what I concentrate on.

In addition, you have OCD. Your job is to get better, as best you can. Learn all you can about OCD. Then you will be there, ready to help. if your son shows any signs of the disorder later in his life. You can turn the negative of having the disorder into a positive by being prepared to help him along his journey to wellness, should the need arise.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Welcome to the forum, satan.

There have been discussions on the forum before from people with OCD wondering if they should have children or not. I can tell you that I suffered from the disorder for nearly 40 years before I got help and I had two children, both who grew up to have anxiety disorders. Despite the challenges we have all had, I would not change a thing. It was challenging raising kids while having a major mental disorder but we had a lot of wondrous, joyous times. That's what I concentrate on.

In addition, you have OCD. Your job is to get better, as best you can. Learn all you can about OCD. Then you will be there, ready to help. if your son shows any signs of the disorder later in his life. You can turn the negative of having the disorder into a positive by being prepared to help him along his journey to wellness, should the need arise.

Can I ask you, Polar, if you are willing to share what type of anxiety disorders your sons have? Do either or both of them have OCD?

Sorry for bad english. I am from france. No forum exists like this here.

43 y/o.. Male. Severe Ocd since my 7 birthday.

I have a 3 y/o son who is (i am school teacher) the most emphatic, full of compassion, and test at 140 iq....

BUT.

I saw the terrible statistics of heritability (40 to 80%) and of transmissibility (10 to 30% between first degree parents)

Was it reasonnable to have my son.... How to cope when he will have ocd...

I am ill of this thought

Ps i was satan refers to my first intrusive thought

Hi, Satan... (Well, that feels weird to say...LOL)

I don't have children myself... but I have always wanted to. I am still quite young but feel desperate to get past my OCD before having children, especially as my latest theme is POCD. I sometimes doubt that I should have kids due to the heritability factor and I worry greatly if my future child will have OCD. However, you already have a child. You can't change that. You love your child and the best that you can do is to make his life the best it can be whether he develops OCD or not. You should trust that no matter what, things will work out as they may.

Edited April 17, 2015 by HeadAboveWater

[PolarBear]

My youngest has a very mild form of OCD. He also suffers from social anxiety. My oldest has general anxiety and performance anxiety -- he gets really wound up at work, trying to do a perfect job.

Actually, of my six siblings and their kids, there are 8 of us out of 15 who have OCD.

[Guest I was satan]

Hi all

thanks for answers.

Polar Bear... how a weird race we are... 8 out of 15.. it is huge..

My father has (had) agoraphobia

Grand ma Panic disorder.

but i have no sibling.

I persist to think WE , all , with severe anxiety disorder , have deleterious mutations, and even if one day we have perfect treatment, that we should not make kids because they have huge chances they develop a trouble, and much more chances than other to have miserous life.

My son is a messiah for me.. so kind, intelligent, emphatic, so.. .. beut even now, at 3 Y/O , i can see that what is so wondeful in his personality , is the seed of a future anxiety disorder..

he is my love and my worst mistake

we are like those with cystic fibrosis, or schizophrenia, or myopathia. WE can be wonderful person.. but maybe iwe should not give our illness to next generation

iindeed i am often depress.. and scared and with no self esteem, that is why i think this way.

but OTHER familily stories , testimo,nies like this of polar bear, i think would help me a little.

In reality i worry so much for my little ERNEST

Jean luc

[Guest Sally44]

No adult really knows what their children might have in terms of diagnoses etc. There are obviously some links with some disorders and gene differences.

Every ability and disability is on a scale eg. intelligence, appearance, personality, social ability, sexual orientation etc. There are perfectly normal kids that get bullied and end up committing suicide, or they might get involved with the wrong crowd and end up breaking the law, or taking drugs.

Life has it's ups and downs. Your child could grow up to find they are infertile, or they might get married and their partner has an affair or leaves them. So many many possibilities.

So I don't think there is some 'perfect' life out there. Is it harder to deal with OCD than a failed marriage/career/poor health, long term unemployment etc?

I'm not trying to belittle OCD. My son has it and it affects everyone. BUT OCD can be conquered and there are worst things that could happen.

I think that any potential parent has to think about the reality of having a child or children. Could you cope with a disabled child [and that could be any disability]. What about a child with low intelligence? Every criminal is someones child.

You simply cannot 'screen out' all the adults that might have a child with any kind of imperfection, because that would include all of humanity. Every family has someone with some kind of difficulty. My family had a child with learning difficulties. My husband had a father who was a violent alcoholic. Out of the two, my husband got the worst deal. My sister is lovely. She lives and works independently and has more friends than the rest of the family combined!

[Caramoole]

Ps i was satan refers to my first intrusive thought

The first thing I would do, in defiance of that intrusive thought is pick a new name, snuff that power.

[Guest I was satan]

Hi

No .. i choose the name because , i was scared just to tell the word for decades..

NOW i am OUT of this theme... and .. i am not scared anymore... it is like going in an hospital after having OCD about contamination...

it is so "glorious" to have one obsession vanished.

[Guest I was satan]

but if u think i should change, in relation to forum rules .. i will do now

[Guest Tricia]

I shared you symptom and I think you're amazing to be able to use that name!

As for your question, I don't think you were being unreasonable, but it's such a difficult subject and one that's been discussed many times. People's views are understandably very mixed.

Here is one old thread:

http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=67920&hl=selfish

Edited April 18, 2015 by Tricia