I want acceptance

[Guest heartplace]

But how do I go about accepting my doubts etc.? It feels impossible But after reading a thread posted earlier on here, apparently it's the first step to recovery.

I've been in a horrible rough patch recently, with both OCD and depression. Lately It's causing me to have a short temper with everyone in my family and be argumentative.

[Guest Nikki79]

I know accepting the thoughts that are so believable and thinking its ok if that or something happened? So difficult. How do u do it with not being depressed? X thats my prob too

[Guest heartplace]

I wish I had OCD without depression (that is, if I'm going to have OCD in the first place!). Depression actually seems to trigger/fuel my obsessions and doubts.

Edited October 24, 2014 by heartplace

[taurean]

Hi heartplace,

I think to get a grip on what your flavours of OCD and any other distortions are, and determine a best strategy to address them and the anxiety and depression, it really may be a question of finding some specific therapy.

I am taking some private therapy myself again at the moment;It will probably take a while for us to work through what is going on so she can specifically guide me - but I feel sure it is going to be helpful - I really need some guidance from someone with clinical expertise right now.

Edited October 24, 2014 by taurean

[PolarBear]

I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about acceptance. We are talking about intrusive, unwanted thoughts that pop into your head without you having to do anything to make them show up.

When we say you need to accept the thoughts, we don't mean you need to accept the content of the thought. Rather you need to accept that the thought exists, that it is there.

The almost automatic reaction to a nasty, intrusive thought is to try and push it away, try and get rid of it. That becomes a compulsion and does the opposite to what we think. It strengthens the obsession for the future and makes it even more powerful. So we say you need to accept the thought. What we really mean is that you need to allow the thought in but not react to it. Just let it be.

If you have intrusive thoughts that you are a pedophile, we aren't saying you need to 'accept' the thought that you are a pedophile. We're not saying you have to believe the content of the thought. You need to allow the thought in without resisting it. We're saying let the thought in. You don't have to believe it but you do have to not push back against it.

Eventually, because they are just thoughts, it greatly helps to get to a point where you can say, "I might be like that or that might happen." That's the ultimate in not pushing back against the thought.

[mummyoftwogirls]

I think it's somewhere inbetween polar bear, it's accepting the thoughts and also accepting you can't be 100% certain and accepting there is a small possibility it could be true

[PolarBear]

There is that, yes. Some people with OCD have a very hard time accepting that they cannot be sure about certain situations. It seems to affect people with certain themes more, such as false memory.

[mummyoftwogirls]

I think your right , in my instance it has been helpful to accept I cannot be 100% and certain this is becoming a huge part of my recovery.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

How do you accept that you can't be 100% certain about if your intrusive thoughts/obsessions are true?

Whenever I try to accept that maybe they are ... then they feel true. Like, if I say, ''hey, maybe this isn't OCD and I truly have certain attractions to kids''.... then I feel like it is true and I get anxious and feel like I'm living a lie towards my husband.

Edited October 24, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I think it's somewhere inbetween polar bear, it's accepting the thoughts and also accepting you can't be 100% certain and accepting there is a small possibility it could be true

How, just how can I do this? It doesn't work when you have POCD.

[Guest heartplace]

I think there's a lot of misunderstanding about acceptance. We are talking about intrusive, unwanted thoughts that pop into your head without you having to do anything to make them show up.

When we say you need to accept the thoughts, we don't mean you need to accept the content of the thought. Rather you need to accept that the thought exists, that it is there.

The almost automatic reaction to a nasty, intrusive thought is to try and push it away, try and get rid of it. That becomes a compulsion and does the opposite to what we think. It strengthens the obsession for the future and makes it even more powerful. So we say you need to accept the thought. What we really mean is that you need to allow the thought in but not react to it. Just let it be.

If you have intrusive thoughts that you are a pedophile, we aren't saying you need to 'accept' the thought that you are a pedophile. We're not saying you have to believe the content of the thought. You need to allow the thought in without resisting it. We're saying let the thought in. You don't have to believe it but you do have to not push back against it.

Eventually, because they are just thoughts, it greatly helps to get to a point where you can say, "I might be like that or that might happen." That's the ultimate in not pushing back against the thought.

I agree, but I find it so difficult to accept "maybe, maybe not" because I still feel responsible for whatever it is I doubt.

There is that, yes. Some people with OCD have a very hard time accepting that they cannot be sure about certain situations. It seems to affect people with certain themes more, such as false memory.

This is my problem. Heck I have themes that I have yet to see other people mention having on here. For example, my fear of being verbally abusive towards my family. Every time I get angry and fight with my family, I'm almost convinced that it counts as verbal abuse, that I want to bring them down, control them and make them suffer, and it correlates with my religious obsessions (I'd have to go through explaining how but I won't right now).

Edited October 24, 2014 by heartplace

[Guest PaulM]

Intolerance of uncertainty is another cognitive distortion. Try to recognize it as that - a distortion in the way we think.

I know I think that way often. I WANT certainty. I want to know if I need to be worried or not. But it's a distortion. Instead of focusing the on the content of what I think I need certainty on, I accept this is a distortion in the way I'm thinking.

I might have to read that a few times myself to see if it makes sense...

[mummyoftwogirls]

Intolerance of uncertainty is another cognitive distortion. Try to recognize it as that - a distortion in the way we think.

I know I think that way often. I WANT certainty. I want to know if I need to be worried or not. But it's a distortion. Instead of focusing the on the content of what I think I need certainty on, I accept this is a distortion in the way I'm thinking.

I might have to read that a few times myself to see if it makes sense...

Exactly my point Paul , it wasn't until I accepted this that I started to make progress

[Guest PaulM]

Exactly my point Paul , it wasn't until I accepted this that I started to make progress

The same here. That shift in recognizing was pivotal for me. Life changing.

[mummyoftwogirls]

Don't get me wrong if I'm relapsing or having a bad day it can still be difficult to accept

[Guest PaulM]

Me too. There are rough patches. It's not always successful right away. It's called the doubting disease for good reason.

I was lamenting one day to my therapist that I have OCD thoughts about OCD thoughts. It's not always one layer to peel away. Having doubts that they are doubts is tough to shake.