OCD creeping back with new spikes

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

I have been doing incredibly well lately in regards to my ocd. Usually I suffer from violent/sexual intrusions but I'm able to dismiss these relatively easily lately.

The problem is that over the last day or two I've been getting spikes about my relationship and it's made me scared that if I got drunk I'd cheat on my boyfriend. I don't in anyway want to do this at all, I love him too much to ever do anything like that. It just freaks me out because I can't bare the thought of losing him. I'm meant to be going on a night out this week and the thought is scaring me a little. I know this is all ocd and I'm trying my hardest to ignore it but it can be difficult sometimes. I can't help but feel like these are more possible than my really obscure violent/sexual spikes.

I had a boyfriend when I was 14 who I cheated on by kissing someone before and I can't help but think this might be triggering me a bit, because that actually happened (whereas I've never even hit anyone so my violent thoughts have nothing to do with reality).

I'm really nervous about my night out during the week but im going to try and ignore my ocd and go out anyway, I'm just quite scared about it and don't really know what to do to be honest

[PolarBear]

Go out. Don't let the OCD win. You can't stay cloistered in a closet for the rest of your life, so get out and try to enjoy yourself. And do try to ignore the thoughts about cheating on your boyfriend. Just don't respond to them.

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

I will be going out don't worry and I know it's ocd and I'm trying to ignore it all don't worry, just struggling a bit not to feel anxious about it all. I don't know how to make the anxiety disappear

[PolarBear]

Oh but for a button we could press to make our anxiety go away. Wouldn't that be great? You can try some relaxation exercises. You can go for a long walk or run or go work out at the gym. Get deeply involved in making a batch of cookies. Anything to get your mind off the situation.

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

I think I will try the cookie idea lol

[Running Lover]

My word! I swear I could have written your post. So similar. Madly in love and happy but have had a recurrent theme for years ( even with my last long term partner ) I am the type of person who would cheat. Interestingly enough I maybe kissed someone years ago like you and it's always stuck with me. How odd. I don't have any concrete evidence why I am the type of person who will cheat but I just feel it inside so much so I do things to make sure I know I wont. ( I know this is wrong ). I've heard of people having false memory but I found it really interesting like me you have a similar belief so thought I would pass comment.

[Running Lover]

Ps I usually make things in to a problem before the event I worry so much don't make that mistake try to block it out of your mind and enjoy yourself. Easy for me to say I know! X

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

This is a relatively new fear for ME I feel like once one goes away another comes up

I know I need to ignore it but like cheating is something that realistically could happen which makes it so scary, it's not like a really irrational fear is it?

I know I need to just ignore it coa it's my ocd but it's so difficult and I'm getting so nervous

I'm thinking before I go out telling my friend (she knows about my ocd) and asking her to make sure I don't but I think that's a compulsion, but then again I might feel better talking to my friend

I love my boyfriend so much I don't feel anxious when I'm with him, but I feel so guilty for having these fears, kind of like I feel bad as if I want to wen I know I don't want to at all.

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

it's sp horrible ocd, it seems like it just tries to drive the fear in between you and the people who matter most. He means so much to me it's so unfair

[Running Lover]

Yeah I know 100% what you mean. My relationship ocd is dreadful and its because I love my partner so much. I had a similar experience at xmas I had got so so wound up about going to a social function and cheating that by the time I came to going out I was looking for anything to back up evidence I would eg did I smile funny, talk to much etc etc so your definitely better trying not to think about it otherwise you will look for it. I've done it so many times.

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

I'm just going to try and remind myself it's just the ocd and I'm gonna drink lightly incase I ger upset. I know ocd well and I know the worst thing for me is gonna be to not go out so I know I'm going to have to go out.

I will keep you posted x

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

Hi guys thought I would let you know I went out last night and it was fine. I was pretty drunk and I didn't do anything and id forgot about the fear as well. Really proud of myself for not giving into compulsions and ruminating etc as I feel great now

[PolarBear]

Good for you!

[Running Lover]

That's fab ?

[Guest PalaeontologyLover]

Thank you guys x

[rchippex]

That is great to see. I do love to see someone having success. I know the confidence it brings and it is worth its weight in gold