Can you fall in love/have a girlfriend while having OCD?!

[tigershark]

Hey! I hope you are well and having a nice summer!

I have had a mixed bag of a summer: i am taking time out from my teaching job: I had a very stressful class and also battle ocd thoughts that i might fancy guys and/or kids...

Then a few weeks back, i was as usual taking my sertraline and antihistamines: i got very sleepy and had a bad car crash: i was lucky to escape with a few scrapes and bruises; my car was destroyed and all my stuff in the car..

At the weekend I went out for beers with my mates and met a lovely girl: I had a great night with her and have been in touch with her since...she lives about 2 hours drive from me, but we're probably going to meet up in a weeks time..

Since that night out I have felt a bit 'skatty', miss this girl a bit , and now I am getting ocd thoughts about my nephew, who is always calling over as its school holidays: today, i purposely spent an hour playing football with him expose myself to my ocd...

So, I am just a bit ****ed off; want to stop the ,meds and just meet a nice girl and have a good time,,,,

Any of you guys successfully meet someone and fall in love while also suffering from ocd?

When you meet the right person do your feelings for them just click and bypass any ocd noise and anxiety?

Tiger

[findingithard]

I wish.

I'm having trouble with relationships atm. I keep having horrible intrusive thoughts about my daughter and unfortunately, bad thoughts during sexual activity.

I do hope it gets better though.

[gingerbreadgirl]

I've met someone who's accepted me warts and all. so it is possible.

I think you should keep seeing this girl, and maybe if /when you're ready explain about your ocd. if she's the right girl, she will understand, or at least do her best.

[Guest PaulM]

Hi tigershark!

I'm glad you're okay after the crash. It sounds awful.

I wonder at times about relationship possibilities. I recently started spending time with someone and she's really nice. But every time things go quiet I immediately think it's something I've done and my anxiety kicks in. So, I don't know if it's OCD related or not. But it's weird. It's quite stressful and my friends just say to relax. Easy to say, tough to do.

In the past I've had a couple of relationships. Some more positive than others. So, it's possible for some I guess. But it depends on the person.

Edited July 16, 2014 by PaulM

[tigershark]

Hey! Thanks for the replies!

Yea, i find relationships tough...i often act all macho and say..i'm happy being single, but i think i am actually a bit lonely and would like a relationship..

I take sertraline and get annoyed as it does affect my 'performance' in the bedroom..

Do you think if we meet the right person, ocd will not be an issue?

[PolarBear]

OCD will always be an issue until you resolve to not take it anymore and do the work to overcome it.

[Guest PaulM]

Do you think if we meet the right person, ocd will not be an issue?

I'm hopeful with the right person it is less of an issue to them to accept as far as the relationship goes.

[tigershark]

I have a feeling and know having read up ablut ocd the last 5-6 years, that ocd doesnt block our true natural desires, needs & feelings.

So maybe if i am open to the idea of meeting a nice girl.. If i meet the right one, i will just know?

[Mrs brown]

Hey there this is a huge problem of mine. Not in terms of my ocd symptoms but general anxiety symptoms make it really hard for me. When I meet someone I like my anxiety makes it impossible for me to pursue it and I end up running in the other direction no matter how much I like the person. I'm like you I give it the whole I'm happy being single speech but sometime I imagine what it would be like to have a boyfriend and do the things couples do. I'm only 20 so I suppose it's not that big a problem but I sometimes feel quite depressed thinking I'll be one of these women with like loads of cats lol. I remember once I arranged to meet a guy and I got that nervous I totally panicked and run then got home and cried. I hate it and I have no idea what the answer to it is!

[Guest Sisyphus]

Clearly it's possible depending on the person and the state of their OCD. Obviously it's gonna have an impact on a relationship same way it has an impact on everything in our lives and it comes down to whether it's managable, and really how supportivve the other person is.

I guess I had 3 experiences of being in a relationship with OCD.

First one ended after a long time - don't think that was particularly OCD related. My OCD was much more managable then, plus I didnt even know it was OCD. That girl was mostly alright around me if I ha da bad head on me and gave me some space.

Second one happened when OCD was getting bad. Without going into detail it was an unusual relationship and was on and off, but put it this way if I was better she would've been the one for me. She seemed to just know when to back away and give me space. Had a real nice way about her. Dammit. But that all fell apart in the end. The damage that did to me when it ended has put me off getting involved with someone again since. Which is difficult because I get lonely and am a human being. But I figure what's the point even unless I'm better. So I'm living like a crazy monk.

Then there was a very brief fling when OCD was probably at it's height - it had bad idea written all over it and I didn't instigate it, but I went with it to see where it went. OMG, this girl had a few issues of her own I think and just didnt know when to shut up. Questions, questions questions, "why did you do that?", "why did you say that?", "why did you pick that colour jumper to wear today... surely that means". Yknow - fancied herself as an amateur psychologist. Me trying to cope with the OCD under this barrage of overbearing stuff just mad eit very difficult very quickly and it all ended pretty badly. I must say that gave me a taste of how bad my problem was and how bad and unsupportive people can potentially be. So that experience kind of knbackered my confidence relationship wise.

So I guess, barring flings, I'll probably be on my own as long as I have this monkey on my back.

But OCD varies so wildly that I wouldn't even go on other OCD sufferers' experiences if I were you. I think you need to decide for yourself if (a) you're well enough to take on a relationship and (b) if she's the kind of person who might be supportive and if she is see how it flies with her.

But from everything you've said it sounds like you probably are well enough to give it a whirl. So best of luck mate.

[taurean]

Hello

I've been married 30 years. When we got married I did suffer from OCD repetitive thoughts, but episodes did not last long.

My wife has been very understanding but,when an episode of OCD takes place, it does affect her badly.

[tigershark]

Yea, i can relate to all that you guys and gals are saying...

I think i have never really 'fallen' for a girl.. I kind of did with a girl who gave me the 'lets just be friends speech' last year; the only way i know is because i was devastated afterwards.. I travelled with her for 2 weeks, facebooked, whatsapp'd and text for 2 years, met once with a group of mates and then finally for one weekend; but think she defo cut through my ocd noise and pulled the heartstrings..

But if i meet someone i like so much, where i really get to know her and i get to the stage where i want to be with her and miss her, i think things could be different?

I imagine ocd would invariably pop up as life goes on ...

[Guest beecham]

Hi

It is possible to have a relationship when you have ocd, but from my experience it can be a lot harder than 'normal' relationships (of course no relationship is ever normal, they are all different) - but I think it completely depends on who you are with. My ocd and anxiety centres on my relationship and it can be really really hard, but ive still managed to have a lovely relationship that is really loving and understanding - good times and bad. I think you will just need to put in a lot more work than someone who doesnt have ocd would, because like any relationship where there are mental health issues involved, both people in the relationship have to be really willing to make it work and really patient and understanding with each other.

xx

[tigershark]

But have you fallen in love with someone?

[taurean]

I think those of us in lasting relationships, yes there would be a lot of love.

It may take a special kind of person to be able to cope with the OCD, depending on what type, severity etc. However, we have all proved that they exist.

With my wife, we considered ourselves both "selected seconds" - she developed hereditary deafness just when we were getting serious - and I stood by her with that; she also has phobias, and I've helped her with those.

She's worked hard at coping with my OCD, which got worse when I turned 50 and required me to seek treatment.

[Guest beecham]

Yes i am very much in love

[tigershark]

Ah thats great to know!

Despite my macho pronouncements that ' i dont need a girlfriend,' or 'i am happy being single' i think i am defo a bit lonely...

Sorry for all the questions...

But

Was it immediate sparks/love at first sight ir was it something that build up over time?

[Guest jayjay89]

Hey, from skim reading the thread (so I apologise if I am wrong!) it kinda seems like you feel that being in love will cure/diminish your ocd - I think it's setting yourself up to fail to think that?

I personally can't be in relationships, my ocd won't let me, so I definitely depends on your type of ocd and the strength

Good luck!

[tigershark]

Hey Jayjay... I hope you're well..

No, i dont think a good relationship will cure my ocd..

I know that a prooensity for ocd is a lifelong condition which we can learn to manage and overcome, but life apart from ocd can be tough and lonely.. So a person to love, talk to spend time with would be ...nice!!

[taurean]

Tiger

That is a good way to look at it.

You'll know when love comes-a-calling, you can't miss it, it consumes you. You need the other person to feel the same way, and be strong enough of character to go about understanding the OCD, how and when it affects you.That is what my lady wife did.

[tigershark]

Hey thanks for the reply!

It great to hear that love came a knocking at your door and that your wife is so understanding..

I think everyone is a bit nutty in their own way, we just have a particular kind of nuttiness!!

I imagine, with potential girlfriends, the idea it to just go with the flow and be yourself?

[Guest beecham]

Yeah definitely just be yourself, and dont let your ocd define you too, thats important. Try and think of the ocd as being part of you but not all of you. Just because you have ocd doesnt mean you are incomplete. There are so many problems and illnesses and hardships that people have to go through aside from ocd as well, so dont get down that everyone else seems to be fine and living all dandy cause thats not the case

[tigershark]

Being myself feels so good..

When i first developed ocd.. The thoughts made me feel quite ashamed and down.. So i started being a real people pleaser and always up & always happy and friendly-- is so tiring...

Is really nice to just be yourself.. If you are tored; tell people you're tired.. If you're anxious/ skatty etc.. Just feeling how you feel...

[taurean]

In fact, when I get talking to people and telling them about OCD (with my awareness hat on) they often open up and tell me their own phobias and fears.

Sometimes there is OCD, and I tell them how to make contact with us and OCD-UK and get help. or if not OCD but some other anxiety disorder, to find a psychologist and get CBT for that.

As beecham says, so many people have some type of "disorder" or character traits they are uncomfortable with, e.g. shyness, social phobia.

So, I'd proceed to be your usual self, taking a confident but not cocky approach and see how things develop with the ladies; when you feel comfortable, open up a bit about your OCD - just a teaser, so she wants to hear more about it, then you can gradually explain more.

I can tell you that when you explain it practically, the reaction is usually of a sympathetic style, and I find that really good. Because we are not mad, we simply have a mental health disorder - it's a common but false perception that OCD is some form of madness, which it is not.

I am always relaxed and happy setting the record straight and ,as I said at the start, it's amazing how many people open up to me and declare their own mental health concerns.

[tigershark]

Hey Taurean! Thanks for the replies..

Yea, often we think we are alone and nobody else suffers like we do... But lots of people do, but in different ways..

I find when i really get to know people and trust them, i can tell them all about my ocd & anxiety; as you say the response is often very supportive & positive.. Lots of people relate to exactly my worries & fears too...

I suppose, when i meet a nice girl i put pressure on myself.. Saying... She could be girlfriend material...

I think i should probably be kinder to myself and ease the pressure...

I always think.. I am nearly 40 years old.. I am still single...time is running out: even if i dont meet miss right, at least i should be out sampling whats on offer, before i become too old...