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What OCD do I have?


Guest JC2223

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Guest JC2223

Hello, all,

I wanted to post in here as it appears it's quite difficult to pinpoint exactley what type of OCD I have. It has changed over the years, so I'll briefly describe my behaviours.

Started when I was about sixteen, I had to have absolutely perfect Playstation One game cases. If they weren't unscratched, completely mint condition, I would return them to the store, or have that feeling of ''everything not being right in the world,'' and stomach ache. After video game cases it switched to box set cases of my favourite show, then a need for perfection when communicating with my girlfriend when texting her (it once took me a whole day to send a long text), and now on to my current thing. Whenever I watch specific movies or TV shows that my mind deems ''exceptional'', I have to have a completely perfect scenario. Complete quiet, if it's raining outside the sound of it bothers me and I can't watch.

Recently I had two new things, but I conquered them both. The first was with my job. It got to a point where my process of doing my job had to be so perfect it was becoming impossible to do it. So I went through the pain of not obeying the compulsion, and I beat it, in a matter of a couple of weeks. The other thing was with food. I was on a strict self-imposed diet for about three months, and when I started eating junk food again, which I love, I started being obsessive about certain meals my mind deemed ''exceptional'', specifically McDonalds and take away pizza. I would have to cut up my McDonalds in to small ''perfect'' pieces, and if every bit wasn't ''perfect,'' I would be utterly depressed afterwards. Again, I said to myself what a joke this had become, suffered through not obeying the compulsions, and after about a month, beat that.

The TV and movie one is tougher though. I believe I know what I have to do, watch ''exceptional'' stuff, and go through the pain. Problem is, I don't want to ruin movies I'm looking forward to seeing, but I've tried watching ''exceptional'' other things, like episodes of TV shows I've alredy seen, and it doesn't appear to be working.

So anybody can shed any light on my type of OCD, or any suggestions about the TV/movie situation? :biggrin: I know my OCD isn't anywhere near as bad as some people here, I think I'm very lucky really, but it has caused me a lot of distress over the years, so I'd appreciate any input. Thanks.

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Guest ocdgirl

Hi, my first post to tell you I know exactly what you mean. Unfortunately OCD tries to destroy everything that we love, often moving from one thing to the next. Funnily enough, part of my OCD revolves around food and movies too. Ill convince myself if I don't complete this or that compulsion I won't be able to "enjoy" a meal, or a film that I've been looking forward to, and that if I do defy the all powerful OCD ill ruin it in the future too. Just tonight I watched dawn of the planet of the apes at the cinema and I got hit with an obsession just before it started. It's frustrating, but our problem is that we are too busy seeking some abstract idea of perfection that we forget to actually organically experience what it is we value, and life in general. You've just got to carry on with whatever it is you were gonna do despite the discomfort. It's like keeping a toy in a box to keep it in mint condition; what's the point if you don't play with it? It's there to be played with. Hope this made sense to you, and sorry for the wall of text.

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Guest JC2223

That was a great post, thanks. Maybe one thing that makes it worse is thinking I'm the only person that has such a stupid compulsion, but you've made me realise many other people will too, and that helps me.

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Guest ocdgirl

Absolutely, one thing I always told myself was "there's 7 billion people in the world, there must be someone who is as messed up as me"... And then bizarrely, a couple weeks ago I came across this Frida Kahlo quote:

"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, its true Im here, and Im just as strange as you"

It made me feel amazing reading that. At the end of the day, were all human, nothing is unusual.

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There's no 'stupid' compulsion. I used to have one where I had to touch my neck and make a squeaking noise at the same time. One time I got stuck doing it for ages as it didn't feel quite right. I can laugh at that one now but at the time it was hideous. There's no limit to the bizarre compulsions our brains think up.

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Guest JC2223

Thanks, everyone. I know what the ''cure'' is, like I said, I've beaten it before; it's just I know this is my most intense OCD, and will hurt more than the food one, the work one, probably kidding myself I can just use logic to overcome it this time.

Why does my mind demand perfection in certain situations? I can put on an old episode of The Simpsons, I can watch a film I've watched before, things my mind deems ''not important,'' and there's no problem. But as soon as I attempt to watch something ''important'', the OCD kicks in. If nobody answers this it's fine, I know most people on here have it a lot tougher than myself, but, I don't know, it'd be good to know why my mind does this, and trying to find the exact answer by Googling it is tough and also tiresome.

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