Gemzi3

This has been a big blow

That’s true and I did try and calm down. I went on social media and right away it came up an actress who suffered from the disease I have been triggered about and that actress triggered me before but I haven’t ever googled or looked and suddenly she comes up ?? Like I’m already stressed by the spider today and now this - it honestly feels like I’m putting all this out to the universe and that my bad thoughts will happen I feel super panicky after seeing that and her discussing treatment etc. never have I came across it before then bam it was the first thing to pop up?

But again today that’s another one across the living room floor. I feel like I need you to understand we haven’t had spiders in the house and now suddenly the last 3 weeks since this thought it’s constant. it’s not like I’m looking for them in cracks etc I’m talking about walking across the floor, hyper vigilant or not you would notice these regardless. I don’t know why I had this thought about associating them but it doesn’t feel like coincidence, it also doesn’t help I then read that there’s no such thing as coincidences and I just now feel like they are a sign to my illness thought - it’s hard to try and move on and be happy when day to day they are appearing right in front of me when that’s never happened before ?

Basically there’s too many coincidences and now they do feel like signs. Since I made this stupid “if I see this it means this” I’ve never had so many thoughts come true

I had a better day then this evening a huge one ran in front of me on my way to lock the doors. I’ve never had as many the last few weeks as I’ve had in years. Each time it’s adding onto my thought and just when I feel calmer I get hit with another - I know magical thinking and I know being hyper vigilant but after another huge one when we’ve never had this in the house it’s only started since I made this association about seeing them ???

Ok I’ve had 3 today. 3. I’m verging on a full blown panic attack

I could really use some advice. Everyday since this I’ve been seeing spiders in my house when I never used to. I keep thinking how I didn’t see them before and how my brain is going into overdrive now assigning meaning, I’m trying to work on ignoring it but it keeps triggering me badly

I want to be able to believe positive thinking can mean positive things happen - but I don’t want to believe seeing these spiders means I’ll get ill but my brain keeps telling me I’m just picking and choosing. I don’t know how to get over it it’s been horrible

But how can I continue to believe what I believe about how thoughts can become things?

Ok so today my mum called to tell me about seeing a big spider after I explained my current fears then another one in the house…feel like I’m seeing so many signs

So today I came across another spider, and I feel like it’s only me finding them in the house it feels way too tough today and my brain has went into overdrive. The sheer amount of seeing them when no one else in the house is feels too much

I just wanted to say how helpful I found the last few messages. I’ve had a better week then today really struggled when I read a health story which is a trigger for me - then seeing a spider on my car and all the little things do make me feel like there are signs I’ll get ill etc. I have read snowbears message a few times now to try and find a way it can make sense to me - but still have my positive thinking attitude I used to have - at the moment it feels a bit conflicting. I know it’s silly to worry about my health and I’m not sure the best approach to tackle it as I tend to worry about things that could happen a long time away , so it makes me feel like I can’t let them go

And the fact with exposure etc I don’t think something bad will happen right away, hence why I just feel like I have this constant dread that I can’t be happy besides the big one in my room I’ve saw loads of links and another spider today at home…

But sometimes these things do happen over time when you visualise them, not right away I’m so scared of how many spider links I’ve had the last week the one in the middle of my room - like far too many mentions of them to feel like coincidence.

I really appreciate it what you mean but I feel much more strongly about it. I’ve been such a big believer in visualisation and thinking positive things and imagining outcomes that I desire. And for me that works - so now I feel like my own beliefs are now tainted. anytime I think anything now because I saw all the spiders I don’t know how I can think my positive affirmations and thoughts