Eric Dave Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 These groinal responses /arousals to men are making me depressed and angry. I actually feel like smashing up the house and hurting people physically. I am in a nasty mood all the time and feel like self destructing. Suicide is startign to cross my mind. I just hate every ******* day having my groin respond and it terrifying me. The stress is causing me to snap and I am going to do somethign stupid. Link to comment
stopthinking Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Why would you want to hurt somebody? Link to comment
Eric Dave Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 I'm angry and lashing out at people Link to comment
stopthinking Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 That's not going to do any good to anyone I'm struggling with my ocd but I don't take it out on others no matter how angry it makes me you need to chill out Link to comment
Eric Dave Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 I know that but I am not in a good place and I am living in sadness, anger and depression. My life is over. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 So what are you going to do about it Eric? I'm really sorry you're in such a bad state, honestly I am, I know how it feels......but the bottom line remains the same, as has been discussed many times. Unless or until you're prepared to change the way you deal with this nothing will help, we can't help. The next step has to be from you, and you have to be serious about making changes, proper changes. You cannot get any better whilst living your life carrying out compulsions, and that's what you're doing every waking moment of every day. That's why things get worse and never better. Go back and see a Doctor. Link to comment
Sodovka Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I wish you could see yourself as the rest of us do: someone tormented by a terrible disorder we all share, but who refuses to do the hard work of recovery. Please get help before you hurt yourself or someone else. Link to comment
Eric Dave Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 I literally cant see how its ocd though. I want it to be but my body is telling me otherwise. I keep getting arousal in my groin and this makes me depressed and angry. I obviously fooled myself growing up I was straight. I really did. I lived a sheltered teenage life and maybe I would have doscovered a lot earlier if I had of socialised with girls and seen it wasnt my thing I'm worried I am going to do something stupid because I get a groinal/arousal and then the depressions and anxiety kick in and I want my life to be over. I get so angry that it wont stop that I find that I am losing my temper over the smallest thing and have already lashed out at my parents. Link to comment
Sodovka Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I guess I don't see the problem you're having. If you're really gay, then go with it and pursue members of the same sex. It's not like it's somehow shameful, particularly these days. If you're not gay, then treat your OCD. It's pretty simple, actually. Link to comment
Guest ADD Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Treating OCD is not that simple unfortunately. So many trappings. Link to comment
Eric Dave Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 If Im gay which in my own head seems the only reason Im having this then its not straightforward as being with a guy. I grew up believing I was straight and then its taken away from me cruelly and I cant return to who I was. Im terrified when my groin reacts to men but its only reacting to men these days never women. Ive told my parents continually Im gay until I am blue in the face. Ive tried to accept being gay but I still react fearfully when my groin gets aroused to gay stimulus. Link to comment
Sodovka Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Treating OCD is not that simple unfortunately. So many trappings.I know it causes great suffering but the treatment is pretty simple. You have to take a leap of faith that your distress is caused by OCD and that your obsession is (probably) not true. Then you have to stop doing your compulsions. That's it. There are many bumps along the road to recovery but if you can't even get on the road because you won't take the initial leap, you'll never get anywhere. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 (edited) Eric. This is an OCD forum. We help people with OCD. You continually come here, to an OCD forum, and tell us you don't have OCD. You tell us you're gay but you hate it. We can't help people who are gay but hate it. We help people with OCD. We tell you that, repeatedly, then you post again and again with reasons why you are gay. It's a vicious circle you're in. What you are doing here clearly is not working. You're not willing to listen to reasoned advice so we end up bashing our heads against brick walls. Then your thread gets locked. You wait a while then start the whole thing over again. What you are doing is not working for you. You've got to be able to see that. You're using us to puke all over. We want to help but you won't let us. So what are you going to do differently? Edited August 30, 2015 by PolarBear Link to comment
Guest ADD Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I know it causes great suffering but the treatment is pretty simple. You have to take a leap of faith that your distress is caused by OCD and that your obsession is (probably) not true. Then you have to stop doing your compulsions. That's it. There are many bumps along the road to recovery but if you can't even get on the road because you won't take the initial leap, you'll never get anywhere. Wow, someone who hasn't ignored me, I'm not a ghost after all. It sounds simple of course. Though when you try to actually do it and go up against the doubt and the other messages all coming from the exact same mind you're trying to use as a weapon against itself, it gets very entangled and trapped. Unraveling a Gordian knot. Or solving a complex rubix cube. Get one side right and the others are wrong now. The mind is defeating itself. The set up of conditioned responses so engrained in the neural pathways to go back to as the default and pulls the mind back to them. Crushed underfoot! The mind pulling you in different directions all simultaneously. So yeh. Link to comment
Sodovka Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Wow, someone who hasn't ignored me, I'm not a ghost after all. It sounds simple of course. Though when you try to actually do it and go up against the doubt and the other messages all coming from the exact same mind you're trying to use as a weapon against itself, it gets very entangled and trapped. Unraveling a Gordian knot. Or solving a complex rubix cube. Get one side right and the others are wrong now. The mind is defeating itself. The set up of conditioned responses so engrained in the neural pathways to go back to as the default and pulls the mind back to them. Crushed underfoot! The mind pulling you in different directions all simultaneously. So yeh. I agree that it is hard work, but recovery is possible. I don't believe that people can be "cured" of OCD, though some on this forum do, and refer to themselves as ex-sufferers. I guess I don't think those neural pathways can be forever changed so that a sufferer's mind cannot become obsessive-compulsive once again, given the right conditions. I hope someday science comes up with a surgical or pharmaceutical way of eliminating OCD from people's brains, but until that day we all have to just show up and do the hard work of identifying and stopping our compulsions. I've been pretty healthy for a couple of years prior to this summer's relapse and I hope to get back to that state again soon. Link to comment
Guest Tricia Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Wow, someone who hasn't ignored me, I'm not a ghost after all. It sounds simple of course. Though when you try to actually do it and go up against the doubt and the other messages all coming from the exact same mind you're trying to use as a weapon against itself, it gets very entangled and trapped. Unraveling a Gordian knot. Or solving a complex rubix cube. Get one side right and the others are wrong now. The mind is defeating itself. The set up of conditioned responses so engrained in the neural pathways to go back to as the default and pulls the mind back to them. Crushed underfoot! The mind pulling you in different directions all simultaneously. So yeh. I was going to respond, but I can't put it as well as ADD. Eric Dave, for what it's worth I truly feel for you. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Eric Dave, for what it's worth I truly feel for you. I think everyone does Tricia......and everyone understands what ADD is saying, because we are all sufferers ourself. That said, it does not change the suggestions that are made, change does have to take place in order to change.....even though it is extremely difficult and excruciatingly painful. We possibly differ on what type of support we feel should be given, but I don't believe it is right, helpful or kind to allow the forum to be a crutch that perpetuates the use of compulsions which are keeping someone locked in OCD. Maybe there are forums that do that others may find more akin to their needs. Nobody says it is easy, I know only too well personally, the Hell of OCD, as do the others who have responded. Although all of our OCD may differ, I almost find ADDS response a little patronising. Link to comment
Guest Tricia Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Patronizing in what way? I've always found her to be so thoughtful and caring. She is also incredibly knowledgable. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Patronizing in what way? In that we need it explained as to how difficult it is. I think all of us know that from first-hand experience Link to comment
Guest ADD Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Patronizing in what way? I've always found her to be so thoughtful and caring. She is also incredibly knowledgable. I was only going to respond with some emoticons though my phone doesn't support them. So I'll simply say thank you for your kind words! I know sufferers don't need it explained how complex and challenging it is to fight the way that 'normals' would, though whenever I hear again from anyone suggesting that treatment is so "simple" and all you need is to take a leap of faith and simply stop all compulsions it always makes me want to reiterate the point of it "if ONLY it were that easy..." We all wish it were and sometimes we get that surge of feeling driven and empowered to go all out against it and thinking this new attitude is all we need and to follow the rules of treatment. Though often only to find ourselves caught up again and entangled in it's web of lies feeling demoralised again! Discouraged again! I find the way some people talk to Eric a bit patronising to be honest. Of course he already knows these things though can't escape the trap. It's annoying to others that one of his compulsions involves posting the same things and this effects others here. Though at the same time we're all guilty of repeating the same compulsions thousands of times and not being able to pull ourselves away from them, they usually simply don't involve other people fortunately. Though the secret compulsions I perform again in my mind knowing I shouldn't I never get anyone upset at me about as no one even knows! Still I'm guilty of being as weak! I don't mean to ever come across as patronising, I only want to help people where I can, at least try to. Unfortunately there is not much I could do as far as OCD and people like Eric stuck except offer my sympathy and understanding. Ultimately it's up to Eric and each one of us to find our own inner strength and drives to help ourselves. Be our own therapists and experiment on ourselves till we get it right somehow! Eric could be blocked from posting if it's in the better interest of other people. Though repeating the same scolding to him is not going to help him or anyone I think. :/ Link to comment
Sodovka Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I appreciate your thoughtful perspective, ADD. I do disagree, however on how best to help Eric. I think that he is in deep denial about what to do to treat his OCD. I don't think it's helpful to sympathize with his inability to even try to overcome his compulsions. If he doesn't stop his compulsions and yes, take a leap of faith that his suffering is due to OCD, he will stay trapped in an endless cycle of misery. I don't think that staying healthy is simple because I'm living proof that it's not. But it is relatively simple to just try a different way of doing things when you're miserable. I wish Eric would give OCD treatment a shot. A lot of us on this forum have provided him a roadmap for how to do it. The fact that he insists he's gay and yet hates being so is not getting him anywhere. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Here's the paradox. Eric believes he must be gay yet is upset at the prospect. He refuses help with OCD, sure that his problem is related to being gay. He will not be at peace with being gay because he isn't gay. He has OCD. Link to comment
Eric Dave Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Thank You ADD. You have an unreal talent for putting things into words in a way I could never describe. All I hear on boards and on web pages related to ocd is 'intrusive thoughts'. 'Let the thoughts be there' etc.. is the advice. That doesnt work for me. Thoughts aren't my problem, Its intrusive sexual arousal or groinal feelings. I dont think and check and then these appear. ITs the other way around. The intrusive arousal happens and then my mood plummets, my anxiety increases and I start to dwell on it. Depending on the strength of the arousal it can ruin my whole day or few days where I fall into depression and hopelessness and check compulsively with masturbation. Its not: Thoughts------->feelings---------->compulsions its: see image------------>intrusive instant arousal-------------->anxiety------------>obsessing---------->compulsions Monnica Williams says in her hocd articles that hocd sufferers arent aroused by their obsession. She also says its possible that it can be confused when a sufferer has internalised homophobia and is ocd'ing about it. How am I supposed to believe its ocd when she says that?? My libido was shot long before hocd struck (I say hocd but dunno). I keep thinking there is so much logical evidence that I am actually gay. Link to comment
Sodovka Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Thank You ADD. You have an unreal talent for putting things into words in a way I could never describe. All I hear on boards and on web pages related to ocd is 'intrusive thoughts'. 'Let the thoughts be there' etc.. is the advice. That doesnt work for me. Thoughts aren't my problem, Its intrusive sexual arousal or groinal feelings. I dont think and check and then these appear. ITs the other way around. The intrusive arousal happens and then my mood plummets, my anxiety increases and I start to dwell on it. Depending on the strength of the arousal it can ruin my whole day or few days where I fall into depression and hopelessness and check compulsively with masturbation. Its not: Thoughts------->feelings---------->compulsions its: see image------------>intrusive instant arousal-------------->anxiety------------>obsessing---------->compulsions Monnica Williams says in her hocd articles that hocd sufferers arent aroused by their obsession. She also says its possible that it can be confused when a sufferer has internalised homophobia and is ocd'ing about it. How am I supposed to believe its ocd when she says that?? My libido was shot long before hocd struck (I say hocd but dunno). I keep thinking there is so much logical evidence that I am actually gay. Monnica Williams is just plain wrong, if that's indeed what she says. I have all kinds of arousal feelings at inappropriate times with people I am not "attracted" to. The only difference between you and me is that my OCD has latched onto harm thoughts and yours onto fears of being gay. And sometimes my thoughts trigger feelings and sometimes it's the reverse. OCD searches for what is most effective at scaring the **** out of its sufferers and once it finds it, makes itself busy torturing us. I am positive you have an OCD problem and not a gay problem (whatever that is) because your feelings and the thoughts they provoke make you miserable. OCD destroys your sense of your own identity, if you let it. It can convince you that you've killed someone, that you will kill someone, or yes, that you've turned gay despite your actual desires. I don't know why you keep allowing OCD to rule your life. But it's your life so you're the only one who's going to change it. Link to comment
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