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Interested in OCD


Guest iulia

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Hello everyone!

I have become very interested in the causes and manifestations of OCD recently. I hope it is ok for outsiders of the disorder to join the forum. An acquaintance of mine is suffering from this disorder, but we are not very close and I would like to know more, to spread genuinely good information and do whatever I can to help increase awareness. I have started a website that is supposed to begin to do just that. The website is symptomsofocd.com. Feedback is always welcome

Thanks,

Iulia.

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Guest heartplace

Welcome Iulia!

You're welcome to join. I would be glad to describe to you what my OCD is like. My case of it is so complex though...I don't think I'll be able to describe everything. It is definitely a very debilitating disorder. I wish more people would try to understand that OCD isn't something to take lightly!

Best wishes,

Candy

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Thank you so mmuch for offering to share your experience, I would love to find out more, within your comfort zone only :) I understand it is a very complex matter and hope I can expand my knowledge here. Thanks again!

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Guest heartplace

Not a problem!

First things first, hmm...I began to have symptoms at a pretty early age but I didn't know what they were. When I was about 6, I had health obsessions. I cringed anytime I heard someone say "break", or spoke about breaking a bone. I have never broken a bone before so I didn't know what it felt like, but I had a pretty good idea conjured up in my mind about what it feels like and it was unpleasant. I still obsess over breaking an ankle or a rib, for example. When I have anxiety attacks, my rib cage feels weird which causes me to obsess over the idea that maybe I've broken a rib.

Chest pains make me obsess over heart attacks or heart problems in general. I have asthma too so this doesn't help at all!

As the years went on I continued to have these little quirks here and there but didn't really think much of the didn't know why i had them, but occasionally something would trigger me. I was obsessed with pain. I didn't want to feel physical pain and if I saw or heard someone speak of pain, it would torture me!!!

Then when I was in my early to mid teen years, I began to think about when my parents die. I thought about how parents often leave money for their loved ones when they die, and then all of a sudden an intrusive thought about me wanting them to die so I could inherit money. It shocked me to say the least!

Since then I have also gotten problems with magical thinking, religious OCD (otherwise known as scrupulosity), POCD (fear of becoming a pedophile), ROCD (fear of being disloyal in any romantic relationships or fear of partner being disloyal), HOCD (fear of being gay when in reality I'm straight) and various other thoughts such as abusing my pets, abusing my sister (who I'm really close to), becoming a binge drinker, fear of pornography, fear of becoming an overall evil person, fear of lying, fear of committing suicide. It's a nightmare to deal with!

I would say that's the vast majority of my obsessions. My compulsions consist of washing hands repeatedly, stepping on certain areas of floor and avoiding others, restraining myself if I'm holding a knife while someone is standing or sitting near me, skipping a song I love if I hear words like "death", "kill", etc in the lyrics, wearing certain things on one day and not wearing them on others, avoiding people that trigger my obsessions, self-harm i.e. scratching myself, digging my nails into the palms of my hands until there are deep indents, hitting myself, pinching myself and more.

Edited by heartplace
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Guest heartplace

Oh, and I'm a writer and photographer. For over a year OCD has prevented me from writing fiction, something I love. As of lately I have been able to get back to doing it though :) I think magical thinking played a part in my being held back from writing.

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I can't even begin to imagine what that's like. And to not be able to focus on your work/passion, because most of your mind's energy is always occupied by the obsessions... I always thought that one person has their certain types of OCD and they are alwayspretty much the same, but now I understand that they change in time.

Thank you very very much for sharing your story with me, your honesty and openness are almost disarming.

I've been reading around the forum and it is full of so many extraordinary people.

I am very curious: how did you eventually manage to get back to writing fiction? Actually I'm not sure I understand exactly in what way magical thinking would influence your capacity to write...

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Guest heartplace

No problem, glad I could help you :) It was hard not being able to write for a while, but it feels good to be back at it. It's also annoying, because the writing process does get frustrating! Lol but that has nothing to do with my OCD.

In a nutshell, I just forced myself start writing again! A few days ago I felt a spark of inspiration and I felt so driven to write but at the same time I was reluctant. Despite a slight amount of discomfort, I managed to feel more at ease the more I continued writing the first chapter. I'm still on the chapter, it's a slow process right now because I'm trying to sort out what my ideas are for the novel lol. But it's slowly coming together!

My books tend to have dark themes. I have a sci-fi I'm planning, and I have historical fiction I'm writing right now set in the middle ages, and they all have dark elements to them. A couple of them are going to be murder mysteries.

So I have had this obsession that if I write a death scene, for example, then someone close to me will die as a result. So I stopped writing because of fears like that. It sounds ridiculous when I type that, but it feels real sometimes! I'm really not a superstitious person but OCD has caused me to behave and think a little superstitiously as a result. That's how magical thinking has gotten involved in my writing.

Edited by heartplace
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It is not ridiculous at all, I understand that these are the manifestations of the ocd and clearly we are here to understand them better. Bu the way, your historical fiction novel sounds great! :D Maybe someday I'll be able to read it too. The best of luck and concentration to you and, as Neil Gaiman gives advice to writers, "Just write. Put one word after another".

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That would be great! Well, even though I like it, the being-able-to is the problem :)) Maybe it's practice that I lack. But sometimes - rarely - words just come to me in verses (sometimes in my sleep), when I'm going through something intense and don't express it outloud.

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