Frustrated and with no hope

[Guest loribee]

Hi everyone

Really sorry,every time I come on here I seem to whine about something but I really feel I have no where to turn for support or advice.

My son was diagnosed by CAMHS October 2013 with OCD and severe anxiety. He self harms,is depressed and secludes himself in his room all day everyday. He has been on a couple of different medications,currently Sertraline 150mg a day,he has had CBT which sadly didn't help and I am now paying,for him to see a private counsellor but he seems fine for one week then he goes down for weeks on end.

He has currently spent all this weekend in his bedroom (he has been out to the toilet twice in 2 days) he has only eaten 1 small bowl of porridge and says he feels sick if he tries to eat anything and he just wants to sleep. His college attendance has become decidedly worse this last term to the point where he may get kicked off the course and I'm worrying myself stupid with all this that I'm making myself Ill plus I'm avoiding going in to talk to him as I'm so frustrated I know I'll say something I'll regret. I have no family nearby,it's just me and my 2 boys and it feels like every day is a huge battle and I no longer look forward to anything (not even christmas and I absolutely love christmas) I understand this is 100 times worse for him and I'm the lucky one not suffering this but iv lost hope. It's never going to end,he's going to be like this for the rest of his life and I just have no idea where to go,what to do.

His Doctor at CAMHS is off sick so he will not have a review till jan/feb of next year but then all she will do is put his meds up to the full 200mg limit. Is there hope???

[Symps07]

Hi Loribee,

Sounds like you are having a really rough ride at the moment. Don't worry about whining, if you can't do it here where can you? :original:

As a sufferer of OCD myself, I have always found it hard explaining my illness & how I am feeling with my parents. I can't pretend to imagine what you are going through.

Do you know what subject matter it is that is affecting your son? It sounds like he needs to open up & explain exactly what it is that he is obsessing about to you & his therapist.

I want to assure you that there is hope, you just need to hold in there & try talking to your son when you are both more calm (harder said than done I know).

Is he a member of OCD UK? It might help him to see other people dealing with OCD?

Edited December 14, 2014 by Symps07

[Guest loribee]

Hi Symps07

Thank you for your reply. My son changes from one day to the next. Sometimes he's willing to talk and others not a word but I understand it may be difficult for him to express himself and if I do talk to him about things,it does frustrate him that I don't get it and to be honest I dont. I do try my best to listen to him and offer advice but as he says to me 'I don't see things the way you do' or 'everything to you is black and white' his thought processes are very complex as are his many many rituals but,he does confide in his counsellor and she is helping him with different coping skills and in hindsight things could be a lot worse but it's very frustrating and upsetting knowing that really nothing you can do can 'fix' him so to speak. I have told him about OCD UK forums but he's not interested. He says it wouldn't help him and why would he want to hear about other people's OCD when he's struggling with his own, unfortunately part of his ocd is protection so he feels that if he befriends someone or starts to care for someone and they got hurt or harmed in anyway he would punish himself (self harm) as he couldn't protect them.

I think I will try and speak with his counsellor on our visit this week and express my concerns and hopefully she can give me some advice on dealing with these situations and how I can help support my son as best as I can.

Thank you again for your reply

[Symps07]

No problem :original:

You can't be expected to see things the way your son does, you can only be there for him. (& for what it's worth, it sounds to me as though your doing a great job!) :original:

I think seeing your son's therapist is a really good idea, as it may help you to understand what he's going through more.

If he doesn't want to come on the discussion forums, what about the articles? Maybe some of those will help?

Hope all turns out for the best! :original:

[Guest Sally44]

Sounds like you are feeling really low about this yourself. You need to look after yourself. Could you be depressed?? It is hard. As parents we try to, and want to make everything better. With OCD [and many other things in life] you cannot make it right. You can be there, and be supportive, and do what you can - but sometimes it just is not the right time - or our child is having a particularly difficult day/week/month etc.

My son was on meds. He tried Prozac and that made him more anxious. Then he tried Sertraline, but it did not seem to help with the OCD and made his mood flat and depressed. We gradually took him off Sertraline to see if he was actually getting any benefit from it. And we have not noticed that it was helping our son at all. What did happen is our son's sense of humour returned and I began to recognise the "son" I had not seen for some years. But the OCD was still there. Some days he was better than usual. On other days he is worse and cannot go into school etc.

We too are waiting to see what advice his school can give to our son to help him cope with OCD.

And we have been told that to begin with, because OCD will be being discussed and therefore always in his mind, that his OCD symptoms could get alot worse.

What has helped me a bit is to realise that this is not about a 'fix' or 'cure'. It is most likely a lifelong predisposition that we are going to be working towards managing and getting ways to deal with the OCD when it strikes. It has to come from the person themselves though [with support and therapy obviously]. They have to try and they have to learn.

I think with children it can seem so much harder because you feel that they are missing key stages of their life if they don't stay in school, don't take exams, don't get the grades they are capable of first time etc. BUT sometimes you just have to let it go if things are not panning out within the timescale needed.

Instead of spending so much time thinking about OCD, is there anything you and your son can do together that he enjoys, to try to get some positive experiences into his life and into yours?

And remember that this time of year can be stressful for any or all of us. So it can be even more so for those with other difficulties.

And also I don't know if it is worth considering a medication review. Has the Sertraline helped. What does your son says about it. Has each increase helped reduce the symptoms, or is there no improvement - so an increase in medication is recommended and again no improvement, so another increase is recommended??

My son went up to 200mg.

We might consider trying another medication in the future. Or we might try Sertraline again, but on a much lower dose.