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My anxiety for my son has ended up coming true.


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I first found this forum when having a flare up about 4 to 5 months ago. My concern was my son displaying minor OCD traits.

He spoke of needing to check his windows over and over again to make sure they were shut, thinking of things that scare him etc.

It sent my own OCD into overdrive obviously catastrophising and thinking..My son will have harm thoughts like me and be hindered in life bla bla.

Well tonight we watched Modern Family (yep he's 5 but he likes more grown up programmes) and they were facing their fears. He opened up to me tonight about how his brain is controlled by mean people making him think of pictures of his family and ripping them up, he worries that means he doesn't love us so he has to imagine the pictures again, then they get torn up and 'I have to think them over and over before I go to sleep.'

Deep down I think I knew he was like me. When was was about 3 he would ask me over and over if his hands were dirty. Then when he accidentally blew some snot out of his nose in front of someone once he would constantly confess to bogies flying out of his nose when they hadn't, he then went through a phase of telling everyone we met about how he had scratched a boy at school (he was deeply ashamed of it but it came across to people like he was proud because he would randomly come out with it.)

Anyway I told him that sometimes our brains are naughty and don't filter out the silly thoughts that don't mean anything and I told him my brain was the same.

I just wanted to share with you all as you have all been very supportive and if anyone has any tips on how to explain to a young child about OCD please do share!! I have a kids book but its maybe aimed at the 7 year old mark. We went through a couple of pages as I didnt want to overwhelm him but I'm not sure if it was a bit much for him to understand.

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Hi Emma.your son is lucky that he has a mum who totally understands him .you can speak to school so they can help.you can speak to us on here and to drs if you need to.the best defence against ocd is knowing what it is.i had years of believing my fears are real. Try to stay calm around him and reassure him.i think how you have expained it so far is lovely.try and relax about it and keep answering him in the lovely way you have when he needs help .(by the way i have 5 chikdren ,one with mental.health issues and i teach 3/4/year olds just so you know i have some knowledge)

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Hi Emma.your son is lucky that he has a mum who totally understands him .you can speak to school so they can help.you can speak to us on here and to drs if you need to.the best defence against ocd is knowing what it is.i had years of believing my fears are real. Try to stay calm around him and reassure him.i think how you have expained it so far is lovely.try and relax about it and keep answering him in the lovely way you have when he needs help .(by the way i have 5 chikdren ,one with mental.health issues and i teach 3/4/year olds just so you know i have some knowledge)

Thanks Ecomum. Its weird but in a way I'm just relieved that he has finally come out with it. I know things have been bothering him but haven't wanted to push him or make him fear whatever was going on in his head more.

Bless his heart that his fear is his mummy and daddy thinking that he doesn't love them. x

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Hi Emma,

I remember when I first joint the forum you suspected your son had ocd and was teaching him kiddies cbt, by putting his fears into a box(I might be mistaken)

Luckily for your son he has a very knowledgeable mummy who will know how to deal with his condition and be more understanding than many parents.

In many ways I think children are far more receptive to knowledge than we are. He clearly loves you and his father very much so hopefully if you ease his mind and tell him his thoughts can be naughty and trick him he will believe you and be more open to therapy/your help.

As you are so knowledgeable on the subject you can help him get better.

I hope all goes well, let us know how you get on and unload the stress when you need to.

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Hi Emma,

I remember when I first joint the forum you suspected your son had ocd and was teaching him kiddies cbt, by putting his fears into a box(I might be mistaken)

Luckily for your son he has a very knowledgeable mummy who will know how to deal with his condition and be more understanding than many parents.

In many ways I think children are far more receptive to knowledge than we are. He clearly loves you and his father very much so hopefully if you ease his mind and tell him his thoughts can be naughty and trick him he will believe you and be more open to therapy/your help.

As you are so knowledgeable on the subject you can help him get better.

I hope all goes well, let us know how you get on and unload the stress when you need to.

Hi Biscuitcat,

Yes thats right I did do a worry box :) He didnt seem all that gone on it in the end, now he has come out with a much more concrete OCD type symptom I'm going to book him a drs appt and get a referal to CBT.

He did seem a lot lighter after our chat. Its hard not to reassure though, its such a natural instinct but I know this time its no good. I did tell him that we know he loves us though so I dont know if thats reassurance or not!

Thank u all for your replies xx

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I have actually wondered whether I even want children for the specific reason of not wanting to pass on mental health problems. I've struggled for most of my life with some "invisible" internal force, and if that force turns out to be OCD, which is surely part of it, then I feel like I have hard questions to answer about whether I want to pass on OCD. OCD is passed on genetically, and my dad has OCD, and my brother has OCD or at least OCD tendencies, so there's a pretty high probability that any children I produced would inherit OCD.

I was once in a group therapy session with my parents, and I got the impression that my dad has substantial guilt about passing on OCD to his children. At least to my brother and me. My sister has somehow escaped it.

So as I look at trying to work through relationship OCD, I have the added problem of wondering if I even want children, because I really don't want to pass on OCD. Even if I get to where I can keep OCD to a minimum in my life, I'd have to start all over from the very beginning with each child as soon as they started showing OCD symptoms. That would be hard for me, and I would have some pretty bad guilt about it.

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I think not wanting to have kids because of OCD is just another way OCD is controlling your life.

If its caught at a young age CBT can be taught like anything else to a child like.. don't talk to strangers, stop, look and listen before crossing a road, or even don't punch 1st but punch back if you get hit ?

What about all the other medical conditions we pass onto our children? My nan has the faulty BRCA1 gene meaning many in our family have an 80 to 90% life time risk of breast and ovarian cancer. She doesn't feel guilt because it isn't her fault. Many tested positive, but the people who did have a positive result now have options in front of them to reduce their risk of cancer effecting their lives. Its the same with OCD.

Me and my son have a childrens CBT workbook. He is enjoying going through a chapter a night and he feels like he is closer to me as our brains are the same. He is seeing it as a unique part of him which just needs to be mastered like anything else. He calls it his 'glitch.'

Make the best of what life throws at us and enjoy every minute while we can. I'm working to improve his future by allowing him to see OCD for what it is before it takes hold.

You don't want to grow old one day and regret that the glitch robbed you of being a father.

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Emma I am so glad you replied in this way. I often wonder how my mental health will affect my children one day, but am I going to let the bully that is ocd stop me experience being a parent? Absolutely not!

Anxiety and depression can be seen on both sides of my family. I doubt there is a family out there who hasn't experienced these conditions to some degree.

Ocd alters and can ruin so many aspects of our lives, this needn't be another one. Hopefully there will also be advances in medicine and treatments so over the years things will get easier for sufferers.

It's definitely not going to be easy caring for children with ocd, but nothing worth having comes easy. And like you said, this experience is bringing you and your son closer, he will be the most mindful child in his class :)

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Emma I am so glad you replied in this way. I often wonder how my mental health will affect my children one day, but am I going to let the bully that is ocd stop me experience being a parent? Absolutely not!

******

Anxiety and depression can be seen on both sides of my family. I doubt there is a family out there who hasn't experienced these conditions to some degree.

******

It's definitely not going to be easy caring for children with ocd, but nothing worth having comes easy. And like you said, this experience is bringing you and your son closer, he will be the most mindful child in his class :)

Its good to hear you have that attitude Biscuit Cat! OCD has been arpund for hundreds of years (that we can trace) and its not going anywhere so we need to accept it like diabetes or athsma.

I'm now very open about my OCD. Its surprusing how many people have either had anxiety or depression, or know someone close to them who is suffering. We close up because society makes us feel like freaks. When its the secret behind most families doors at one time or another in their lives.

You know the biggest thing I've noticed so far in the CBT books for kids is the 'Help the parents' sections. Trying to explain such a complex illness to someone who isn't/hasn't suffered it themselves is one of the biggest hurdles. We are already past that hurdle. If caught young we are teaching our children that OCD IS normal. They aren't freaks, they don't actually want bad things to happen and its actually very common. I did the math and in my smallish town based on figures from studies etc there will be at least 200 other sufferers in my area. Really not that rare at all. If we can raise the next generation to understand what thier condition is before it takes hold and spread awareness about mental health, all we can be doing is providing a better future for them all.

I'm proud of my son, I know OCD sufferers are generally kind hearted, loyal, sensitive and usually pretty intelligent! Xx

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So we have our Drs appointment today for my 5 year old!The drs have always been very good to us although when it comes to OCD they sometimes look a bit puzzled ?

So I'm going in with the mindset that I may need to push for a referal but I won't be leaving the Drs office til we get one! Wish me luck! X

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Good Luck Emma :)

And can I just say, with a Mum like you and such a positive, sensible outlook your Son can look forward to a wonderful life and happy future.

Hope all goes well today

I second that. Good luck at the doctor's, Emma and son.

If there were more well-grounded, sensible and loving mums like you we'd live in a much happier world. :)

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Thank you everyone for your kind words! I always feel like I judge my parenting too much its nice to hear people say I'm doing ok ??

So we saw the GP, she was very good and asked him all the correct sort of questions. She said as baby is not even 3 months old yet to keep doing what I'm doing by being very open about thoughts and feelings and reminding him when he does come to me that I'm the same and I understand.

However she is wary of referring him to CAMHS yet as she feels what he is displaying could just be a 5 year old coming to terms with new emotions and feelings especially with baby being so new still.

She has left a note on his record that if I feel he needs it and I bring him back then they will refer us straight away. She just wants to hold fire at the moment but suggested I do speak to his teacher as he does reassurance seek with her.

I know I said I would insist on a referal but I do see where she is coming from too. Its a difficult age to tell what is going on in their heads and for what reason!

I've found a great book called 'Freeing your child from obsessive compulsive disorder.' By Tamar E.Chansky. Its got some great tips on phrasing and explaining this disorder in a simple and non threatening way.

I would recommend anyone to read it even if you don't have kids. Its a great book with excellent insight into OCD, explaining it mainly to non sufferers but I feel like it would be a good reality check for people who are struggling with OCD currently. Xx

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Sounds like a good outcome to me, Emma.

I would understand if you didn't want the responsibility of your son's 'treatment' on your shoulders, but it strikes me he may receive as good (or better) help from his mum than from CAMHS, at least for now.

And you've got the promise of a referral if things did escalate in the future.

Let's hope the little man is able to nip it in the bud with mum's help and explanations. :)

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Thank you snowbear :)

Ok so on the suggestion from the GP to let the school know whats going on, I've decided to take on the approach of more generalised anxiety because he is mainly showing symtoms of that. I don't want his teachers looking out for physical compulsions when at the mo he seems to just be a bit more anxious than others.

I'm putting together a fact sheet or two to take in with me to the meeting on thursday. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I could put in it? I will be including the current symptoms he displays and things to look out for. But not sure if maybe theres some other bits I could put in there too? Xx

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So day one of mummy induced CBT! Yesterday we sat together with a piece of paper and wrote down his worries, what feelings he gets when he has the worries and what he does to make the feelings go away.

I told him to be totally honest and I wouldn't be angry if it involved getting out of bed.

His main concern is the night light in the hall. He pretends to need the loo as soon as he goes to bed so he can check its working, then he comes out 2 to 4 more times with one excuse or another. I did a very simple diagram - my drawing is shocking ? Basically showing a thought, the action, then the thought being crossed out. Then us OCDers. The thought, the action, then over and over again so it looked like a big mess of lines!

Night one he has come out twice so far, both times I reminded him of our brain glitch and sent him back to bed. Fingers crossed this works!

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Baby CBT!

This is so wonderful, thank goodness he has a mummy who understands what he is going through and how to help him.

I'm glad you're sharing this with us all as well, I'm interested (as well as hopeful for him) to see how he acknowledges and responds to your help.

Bless him worrying about the night light.

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He just says that his brain still tells him to check. So I said our brains are like letter sorters, real letters and junk mail. What does mummy do with junk mail? She throws it in the bin. But sometimes our brains are naughty and dont throw away the junk mail thoughts so we have to do it ourselves.

I said that not acting on his thoughts might make him feel scared but he just has to remember mummy was the same when she was little and the feeling does pass.

I dont think there is much else I can do at the mo. I hope this works!

If anyone has any tips or suggestions please share them :) ?

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