ocd running in families?

[Guest abbey1011]

today i found out that, not only does my mom have ocd like me, but she's known about it since before i was born - and my grandma had it as well. i'm nineteen years old and have been suffering from ocd for two years now. my mom never told me about her ocd, and i didn't tell her about mine until today. i'm honestly furious. i know it's a bit of a dramatic reaction, but i can't help feeling that i deserved to know i was at high risk for it. my ocd is debilitating and, combined with my depression, has led me to one hospitalization for a suicide attempt so far. i don't know if it's fair for me to say, but i feel that she had an obligation to tell me. maybe i would've been better prepared for when my obsessions started...

does anyone else here have parents/children with ocd? how are your relationships with them? am i right to think my mom should've told me sooner about my high risk for ocd?

[Em24]

Hi Abbey,

My mum has OCD but she is in denial. I often asked for help one way or another in my childhood - she must of known what was going on - but she didnt help. I went through a phase of self harming and had an eating disorder as a teen- she simply said why eat the food and sick it up I should just not eat as it would save her money! And seeing my cuts she said nothing.

My nephew has OCD and my son who is 5 is showing the beginnings of OCD. I have a thread on here documenting our home based CBT if u want to have a look

Its understandable you are upset, especially as this is all quite fresh. But you need to focus on the here and now and get yourself a recovery plan. Are u seeing a therapist?

Xx

[Guest SurfRider]

My dad has OCD, and my brother has OCD tendencies. My OCD started when I was about 11 years old, which is about the age OCD sets in for cases when it's genetically transferred.

I've gone through various stages of anger about it. My dad gave me life. But he also gave me OCD. Should I be mad at him? I don't know. These are hard questions. My dad acknowledged his OCD maybe 10 years ago, definitely after my OCD started. Or at least that's when he acknowledged to us that he had OCD.

In terms of diagnosis and treatment, OCD is a relatively new. Even though there are references to people with OCD in perhaps the 16th Century, good treatment (CBT) was't really available until the 1990s.

I have a pretty good relationship with my parents. But I admit that I am angry with them in some ways.

[Guest wackybrain]

I wouldnt paticularly be mad at parents for having the ocd and passing it to you. Im pretty sure my mum has the condition as well but she has never mentioned it to me before. When i was about 10 i was convinced i was going to turn into an alien after watching a horror movie my dad had on the tv! Now im angry at him for allowing us to watch that at a young age. It tormented me on several occasions and i begged my mum to take me to see a councellor because i knew something was wrong but she just basically said stop being stupid and pack it in. Now i have another form of it going on but once ive gotten over this phase (and i now know its ocd whereas before i had no idea) then i will be the stronger person for it but i am me and no1 can change you! I dont think ill ever confront my mother but im pretty sure she has some form of it!

Edited February 1, 2016 by wackybrain

[Guest yinyang]

today i found out that, not only does my mom have ocd like me, but she's known about it since before i was born - and my grandma had it as well. i'm nineteen years old and have been suffering from ocd for two years now. my mom never told me about her ocd, and i didn't tell her about mine until today. i'm honestly furious. i know it's a bit of a dramatic reaction, but i can't help feeling that i deserved to know i was at high risk for it. my ocd is debilitating and, combined with my depression, has led me to one hospitalization for a suicide attempt so far. i don't know if it's fair for me to say, but i feel that she had an obligation to tell me. maybe i would've been better prepared for when my obsessions started...

does anyone else here have parents/children with ocd? how are your relationships with them? am i right to think my mom should've told me sooner about my high risk for ocd?

Hi Abbey, the question you should ask yourself is, do you really think it would of made much difference if she had told you?

Also, don't forget you only told her about your OCD today too, so doesn't that go to show how difficult it can be to come out of the 'OCD closet'? I wouldn't be so hard on your mum, forgive her and move on from it, you can't change the past but you can take positive steps in potentially changing the future.

As for OCD being genetic, my personal view is that I think it probably is in some cases. Regardless, I believe there's not as much to gain from coming to this conclusion as we may think. I mean, what can you realistically do to prevent somebody from potentially developing OCD, even if they are a high risk? As being a sufferer/ex-sufferer it put's you in a good position to notice the early warning signs and apply treatment like with emma24, but the signs aren't always obvious and we can be very good at hiding it.

Are you getting any treatment?

Edited February 1, 2016 by yinyang

[Guest Lotty]

Hi, I am the only one in my family with ocd. In fact, none of my close family have any mental health conditions (that I know of), and we are quite open as a family. I have a son, and I've wondered for a long time whether to tell him about my ocd. I only want the best for him, and actually came to the conclusion that I wouldn't tell him, for fear of triggering him (if that's actually possible) and burdening him. Now,having read your post, I'm not so sure. My point is, your mum may have had the best intentions. It's difficult to know how to prepare your children for the possibility of mental health problems, and there is still a side of me that is concerned about triggering intrusive thoughts in my son. I want to protect him from this. I don't know what the right answer is. Xx

[Guest wackybrain]

I have a son too and i hope he never has to deal with this but if he starts to show signs when he is older and i believe he may have ocd then i hole that i can sit him down and explain what it is and that i too have been through it. That way he will know he can come to me for help. I dont think i would willingly allow him to know until he is old enough if i feel he doesnt have it. We could probably laugh at some of the obsessions ive had in the past

[Handy]

I'm like Emma, mom would show tendencies but not say she has it. My siblings are similar. Maybe they just don't know what it is?

There is also something called a MeMe. This is an idea or action that spreads from one generation to another. An interesting concept, could it be taken for ocd?

[Em24]

Hi, I am the only one in my family with ocd. In fact, none of my close family have any mental health conditions (that I know of), and we are quite open as a family. I have a son, and I've wondered for a long time whether to tell him about my ocd. I only want the best for him, and actually came to the conclusion that I wouldn't tell him, for fear of triggering him (if that's actually possible) and burdening him. Now,having read your post, I'm not so sure. My point is, your mum may have had the best intentions. It's difficult to know how to prepare your children for the possibility of mental health problems, and there is still a side of me that is concerned about triggering intrusive thoughts in my son. I want to protect him from this. I don't know what the right answer is. Xx

I would say if your son seems ok at the moment, to just leave it be, depending on how old he is?

I've been trying to encourage my son to speak about his feelings and worries for a good year or so now. Because I thought if he does get OCD I want him to come to me and not feel scared about that. Thats what happend a few weeks back. So I think if your son is still very young, go with that approach, if he is older say around 7 years plus, it might be worth mentioning it. As from around age 7 children are a lot more concious of peer pressure etc and are more likely to hide compulsive behaviour or think their thoughts are weird.

I'm sure u know this anyway I think u mentioned before u are a teacher? I agree with u when u said telling them may trigger it. Its a hard one x

[Guest Lotty]

Thanks Emma, how did you first broach the topic with your son? My boy is only 2 years old, so I won't have to worry for a few years, but as he gets older I will keep a close eye out for any signs. Yes I used to be a primary school teacher, but am now a children's nurse instead. Obviously none of us want our children to develop ocd, but we're in a great position to support them. I knew no one with ocd when it first hit. It was a veru scaru time. Xx

[Em24]

If its genetic OCD I believe it can ahow up from as young as age 4. Harvey would ask repeatedly if his hands were clean and confess to hurting someone at school, he felt very guilty about it and would confess to literally everyone we met!

If he ever mentioned being scared, I would say 'thats ok everyone gets scared sometimes, even grown ups.' Then I would ask him if he wanted to tell me.

Another good way is to do a worry box (if your child seems like a worrier when they are older) they write the worry down and lock it away. Then u can see what they are worrying about, if its normal child hood worries or if its more.

You can ask questions like ..

'when you get that worry or you feel scared, is there anything you do to make yourself feel better or make the worry go away?'

'Do you feel like that stops the worry or does it come back again? Do u have to do it all over again to feel better?'

And just remember to tell them that you were the same when you were little. That helps them a lot xx

[ecomum]

My mum.has ocd but is in complete denial due to the stigma of mental health in her generation.shes 71. My sis and bro have lots of traits of it but havent been diagnosed like me.my daughter 16 shows some signs like confessing or worrying shes harmed someone.luckily i am now clued up on it so i can help her.i believe if we help our children from the start they have a better chance than our generation and much better than ourparents before us.

[Caramoole]

I'D evho Yin Yangs comments and view point. What is, is. How many generations do we go back and blame

Complete waste of time and energy. Instead share your tips for dealing with this and move forward instead of festering with anger. Your parent/s are as much a victim of this disorder as you!

[Guest Lotty]

Emma that's really helpful, thank you. I'll will definitely be giving your suggestions a go once Jack is older xx

[Guest abbey1011]

Sorry to leave this topic for so long. I've just started seeing a new therapist who does cbt and erp, so hopefully I'll finally start getting the help I need. I finally told my mom that I've been struggling with ocd and I think that there were a couple of reasons she never felt the need to tell me. One is that her ocd was never super severe. Another is that her obsessions manifested very differently from mine (hers seeming to be more about exactness, checking, and possibly contamination, while mine are almost exclusively harm related), and lastly that I don't think she was ever really well educated on the fact that ocd could be passed on to children and that it could manifest very differently in me.

The biggest reason that I wish she had told me was because for the first few months after my harm obsessions started, I had no idea it was ocd. I didn't know anything about ocd, and I thought I was just a genuinely bad person, and that my obsessions were there because they meant something. When I finally stumbled across an article about harm ocd, completely on accident, I was days away from being pushed to committing suicide from how much of a toll my obsessions had taken on my life and how afraid I was that I could hurt someone. I feel so betrayed by my mother because, if I had known I was at high risk for ocd, if I had had the chance to understand what the disorder entails or how it could manifest, then I wouldn't have gone through those months of absolute hell where I genuinely thought I was a monster. Those months were, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst and most painful time of my life. I can't blame my mom for giving me ocd, but the fact that she could have prepared me for it but didn't is something I don't know if I'll ever truly forgive.

Just my two cents - I don't think my mom telling me would have triggered my obsessions. I believe that it was going to start when it was going to start, and there's nothing I or anyone could have done to delay it or hasten it. And even if it had triggered me, I would rather that my obsessions started years earlier, with me knowing that it was ocd, than have it start at 17 with no knowledge of ocd whatsoever.

As a child of someone with ocd, I'd advise parents that you won't necessarily be able to tell if your kid has it. My mom couldn't tell with me. Maybe it's not the best idea to wait to see it before you tell them.