New here been told I am in a high anxiety/OCD phase help me out

[Guest Gadgirl]

Hello everyone

sorry this is so long

I have suffered from anxiety and ocd through out the years but i kind of just got on with it and dealt with it I guess.

I have had the intrusive thoughts regarding children, smothering my ex partner stuff to do with bridges, police coming to get me, food being poisoned or drinks being tampered with etc plus alot of the contamination fears etc etc.

The last 8 months have been full of stress for me, I split from my partner of 6 years, I have a court case coming up in April as a witness for something that happened over 12 years ago. I ha da lot of stress in one of my jobs then I left and then started having more stress in my other job which I then left and tried to get new jobs managed to secure new jobs within 4 days. All this time though I was having panic attacks constantly and was anxious everyday.

I had a really strong feeling of deja vu in may that made me panic a little bit, Then I had a massive attack in July where everything looked weird and really bright and slowed down and I totally freaked heart rate was at 150 had to get the work to call an ambulance cause I couldn’t feel my lips my hands or my body was ok but a bit shaky after it lasted maybe 30 minutes. I had one at my other work in august where I was busy doing something then turned round and there was loads of people in the bar and for some reason the feeling came over me again my hands went tingly and I ran off the bar again everything seeming really bright and slowed down. I then had one every month till October time.

October came and I woke up one morning after not feeling to clever the day before basically I lifted my head of the pillow and I felt awful stiff neck, sore head, sore body chocked up automatically my brain said to me your really ill you have meningitis.

I checked my temperature and it was high and my heart rate was 130. I freaked out and started running around my house trying to calm myself down. I couldn’t I ended up flinging myself on my bed feeling totally out of it like I was in a dream and was shaking on the floor phoning 999 telling them I was dying. I ended up getting took to hospital were I just couldn’t control myself my heart rate was through the roof it was clocking at 160-180 on the machine they couldn’t keep me still on the bed enough to get an ecg they eventually did, My temp was high so they gave me IV saline and paracetamol. The room was so bright and I was sweating all of the shop and kept saying to the doctor and nurses, there was a room full of about 4 people that I was dying please tell me if I am dying so I know so I can tell my gran goodbye I was terrified. Basically it was all anxiety they said. I never really recovered from that day from that day I never slept more than an hour then 5 days later I ended up getting a panicky feeling again but this time it was not really in my chest it was more in my head my head felt like it was all spacey it was like I was in a dream I thought I was going schizophrenic or psychotic ended up back in the a&e via ambulance but ended up on the floor rocking back and forward because my head felt so weird and things were so bright and didn’t feel real. Basically doctor said im not schizophrenic or psychotic its just anxiety. So home again but basically I was constantly paranoid after this and so scared I had about 1 hours sleep a night for 10 days then basically everything looked really messed up like I was in some other world everything was so bright and vivid. My left hand did not feel like it belonged to me it just looked weird, I looked weird everyone looked weird.

Then random memory flashes started memory’s of random things, people, places etc. Old memories, forgotten memories and bad memories. Constant racing thoughts, music noises and random voices in my head like they are saying things from tv programmes or things people have said. This is constant 24/7 even at night time when trying to sleep which I have not had a full nights sleep in over 3 months. Major closed eye hallucinations, Vivid dreams, false awakenings etc etc.

Questioning weather I am dead, in a coma, in a parallel universe. This is all fake an illusion that im schizophrenic and none of this is real. That I had dementia and that I was really sitting in a care home and this was all in my head. Really messed up stuff. Then one day the memories all came flooding in like super fast like there had to have been 1000 of them past dreams were coming into my head I thought I was going to go crazy!! Then bang deja vu and I have not came out of it I have been stuck in deja vu for 3 months Everything I do, read, eat, watch, talk too, see etc is like I am stuck in some time loop and im reliving life over again, Even meeting new people or buying new things or watching new tv programmes or films its like I have seen it all before. Its like real time deja vu its not that I can predict what’s going to happen next.

Constant racing thoughts everyday night and still the memories come up in my head some of them are away now though. Plus as the months have gone on I have realised that the heavy dream and deja vu state only happens when I am really anxious but its like I cant even feel my panic attacks any more like my body is numb to it I just seem to get a lot of pressure in my head. The deja vu and dream state Is still there 24/7 but at a lower level if im not extremely anxious it gets worse when I am outside or in shops on trains etc.

But my brain doesnt shut up at all sometimes i have a moment were it is quite which is usually if im only typing on the computer.

I have rarely left the house in 3 months even before that i was getting anxious about going out I dont understand what is happening

The mental health team at hospital said i was in a high anxiety/OCD phase and thats why all this is happening can anyone shed any light.

[PolarBear]

Hi gadgirl and welcome to the forum.

It seems that you are a very anxious person and that you have been suffering from panic attacks. It sounds like your anxiety goes off the scale at times and perhaps it is relatively high most of the time. Have you considered going to your doctor, explaining your situation and looking at taking medications to stabilize your anxiety? To me it sounds like you need to get your anxiety under control before you start to deal with the more standard OCD issues.

Perhaps your GP can get you in to see a psychiatrist who could monitor you while you are on meds and help you start to deal with your other issues.

Edited February 8, 2016 by PolarBear