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CBT, OCD and skin picking


Guest Cerisa123

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Guest Cerisa123

Hello all

So I've started CBT after my diagnosis two weeks ago already, which is great. It has been a massive, sudden onslaught of pure-O in the weirdest sense - and I know everyone's version of OCD is different etc. etc. but. Mine started with me thinking I was a paedo, quickly moved into me thinking I was a dog molester, then moved on to all kinds of bizarre and random **** - is this woman I know a paedo, was I abused as a kid, am I in fact possessed by the Devil (despite being an atheist), do I now believe in God or not (I don't), then an existential crisis, suicidal OCD (which scared the **** out of me because I wasn't sure if I was also suicidal, I don't think I am, I certainly couldn't put my family through it and I am way too scared of not existing). It has been a barrage of **** for the last three weeks and has taken a huge toll on me mentally and physically.

By far the most annoying though is the 'what if I did all these awful things in the past' (even though rationally I know I didn't). Did I get up and molest the dog in the night? Did I at some point in the past abuse a child I was babysitting for? I suppose the way to accept those thoughts is a) via evidence and b) by sort of going 'f*ck it, yeah so what' and trying not to engage in ruminating? But it's hard when you're also questioning existence and all of that at the same time. My brain. Man. I have to trust that I'll get there I suppose.

My sertraline has just been put up to 150mg and am also on 15mg valium a day just to help me sleep, as being exhausted from waking up at 5am every day is a killer.

The other thing is I'm very depressed alongside this as you can imagine. Being depressed means I have little motivation to do anything, which means little motivation to practice my CBT homework or distract myself doing things I usually enjoy - I can't focus on games, TV, books, anything. I'm staying with my parents and my old childhood fear of being terrified to be alone has reared its ugly head, but we've decided we'll work through that one on exposure therapy - they will go out for small periods of time and build it up, maybe. We've got to start somewhere, and they have a life to lead.

Two months ago I was in London, with my partner, going to work, enjoying life. I can't believe what it has come to. However, when I began to get intrusive thoughts I knew what it was immediately because a friend had had Pure-O and I could see straightaway what it probably was. How people live with this without realising what it is is beyond me.

So after this rambling post what I am wondering is:

1) Does anyone else have periods of pure-O where the thoughts are just constantly random and changing in this very bizarre way? It is perhaps unhelpful for me to try and frame my own experience in the context of others?

2) Does anyone have any ideas about lifting this depression? Waking at 5am and lying there ruminating is just not good, and I've little in the way of motivation. Do I just need to force myself to get up and try and do something, even if it's trying a crossword or even going online?

3) REBT success stories?

4) Becoming obsessed with OCD and constantly googling - good or bad or just part of the whole process?

Thanks very much.

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Guest Cerisa123

Oh, I also meant to say, I'm a chronic skin picker/rubber when agitated/anxious. Not particularly seriously but I've had to put plasters over all my scabs. Anyone else do this without realising? Been doing it all my life.

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There is nothing unusual about your OCD presenting itself in fast switching themes. That was the way my OCD was for the longest time, going back and forth between a number of themes. Some people deal with one theme at a time, others deal with one theme for years, still others have to deal with multiple themes all at once.

Yes, I do believe getting up and doing something is far better than laying there ruminating. Getting past depression does involve doing things, even when you don't want to.

I have no idea what REBT is. We certainly don't talk about it here that I'm aware of. The gold standard treatment for OCD is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with or without medications. Usually the CBT involves a subtype, ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention).

Lots of people with OCD tend to Google everything they can about the disorder. It can become a compulsion. At some time you have to stop looking for more and more information and concentrate on doing the work you need to do to get to a better place.

The usual therapy for skin picking disorder is called Habit Reversal Therapy. You may want to look that up and see what it involves.

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Guest Cerisa123

Thank you - REBT is the original version of CBT (Rational and Emotive Behaviour Therapy). I really am trying but I can't focus on anything at all and have no interest in doing anything. That's the problem. It's so hard to know if the depression has been brought about as a result of the fast onset of Pure-O, or whether it's all happened at once. I can't focus on reading, watching TV, anything at all other than googling OCD and trying to do my CBT homework.

Googling OCD and being on these forums has now become a bad habit, but it's all I seem to want to do. So I need to legit stop doing that now.

Skin picking can wait - it's not the priority at the moment.

Thank you.

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Guest Cerisa123

Polar Bear - I just wanted to say thank you for all your common-sense posts on here. I can see exactly now what I need to aim for, although it won't be easy. STOP TRYING TO ANSWER THE QUESTION. I've also, as you said, forced myself to do as much as I can, even just five minutes in the garden or taking the dog for a walk.

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