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Regrets, I've Had A Few.......


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At the age of 65, looking back, I can see that along the pathway of life I learned:

Not to want what I could not have.

To accept my limitations and disabilities, especially OCD. Far better to seek therapy and take a pro-active view, than nash my teeth and wish for what might have been.

I can now see that this approach was spot on.

I tackled events in a practical way, accepted my career would be capped within the framework of my reduced capabilities, found a woman who could accept me for what I am rather than what I wasn't, and have always sought to pass on my experiences to others - which makes me feel good about myself.

So, probably best to find what we can do job wise, and make that interesting and enjoyable.

And find out what we need to know to make the thinking and behavioural changes that may improve our coping with OCD.

Let's not regret, but rather find out, make changes then there is a great chance we can improve our circumstances.

Edited by taurean
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One of my biggest problems was looking back to the past, reinventing memories to see what might have been!

Fortunetly I am getting to a point where I don't do it so much now. At the end of the day it only makes things worse & then you waste the time you have now.

Better to be thankful you have the chance to learn & progress & move forward.

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Well said, Taurean. :clapping:

I'm now approaching five decades of living with OCD, I've become increasingly philosophical in my approach to life and what I can (should?) reasonably ask of myself. I've learned to accept this is the brain I've got, and there are good aspects to that as well as bad aspects. I've learned to make the best of what I have got, to push myself to do what I thought was beyond me, and never to use my limitations as an excuse to avoid challenges.

I've learned to take life as it comes and to live in the moment, to actively seek out whatever happiness there is in the here and now - even during the tough times - instead of putting my life on hold in the hope things will suddenly become wonderful when my OCD miraculously disappears.

Regrets? Surprisingly few. Of course I regret not being perfect, beautiful, wise.... :lol:

...but really I'm too focused on the present and the future to be bothered with regrets about what life has or hasn't given me, including any thoughts about the fact I've got OCD. :original:

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I'm still unable to do the things I want

You are burning up with resentment bruces.

I learned another golden life's rule many years ago. Be realistic.

Something like 1 in 112 people have OCD that significantly impacts on their daily life. We are in very large company.

My sister and I both have OCD but with different themes.

But we learned to accept it - and apply ourselves with focused endeavour to improving our ability to cope with it.

We have both led very different lives to what we might have done, might have achieved. But what we have achieved, with sensible re-appraisal, is good .

And both of us have selflessly devoted time and effort to helping others - and felt really good for doing that.

Edited by taurean
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Sometimes I wonder if I regret not getting treatment earlier...but overall I don't really mind. I think there are lessons we all need to learn in our own way.

ocd sucks, but so does so many other things that other people have to live out that I don't have to (so far anyways)

like being a refugee, or in a war, or being very poor...it makes me sad when I think of things that people have to live out especially when they seem so preventable. like just a matter of getting food to people or getting people out of lands full of conflict to bring them to a peaceful country.

bruces, I'm always surprised that you seem to think that there is this reality other 'normal' people are living out that is free of suffering. everybody has their own struggles they have to deal with. but I guess that is the struggle you are dealing with...imagining that life is easy for these 'normal' people and for some unknown reason you were burdened with this illness. maybe some cognitive therapy might help with that line of thinking

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Well said, Taurean. :clapping:

I'm now approaching five decades of living with OCD, I've become increasingly philosophical in my approach to life and what I can (should?) reasonably ask of myself. I've learned to accept this is the brain I've got, and there are good aspects to that as well as bad aspects. I've learned to make the best of what I have got, to push myself to do what I thought was beyond me, and never to use my limitations as an excuse to avoid challenges.

I've learned to take life as it comes and to live in the moment, to actively seek out whatever happiness there is in the here and now - even during the tough times - instead of putting my life on hold in the hope things will suddenly become wonderful when my OCD miraculously disappears.

Regrets? Surprisingly few. Of course I regret not being perfect, beautiful, wise.... :lol:

...but really I'm too focused on the present and the future to be bothered with regrets about what life has or hasn't given me, including any thoughts about the fact I've got OCD. :original:

I really like your comments about living for now and not waiting for ocd to miraculously disappear, that really makes sense :)

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Sometimes I wonder if I regret not getting treatment earlier...but overall I don't really mind. I think there are lessons we all need to learn in our own way.

ocd sucks, but so does so many other things that other people have to live out that I don't have to (so far anyways)

like being a refugee, or in a war, or being very poor...it makes me sad when I think of things that people have to live out especially when they seem so preventable. like just a matter of getting food to people or getting people out of lands full of conflict to bring them to a peaceful country.

bruces, I'm always surprised that you seem to think that there is this reality other 'normal' people are living out that is free of suffering. everybody has their own struggles they have to deal with. but I guess that is the struggle you are dealing with...imagining that life is easy for these 'normal' people and for some unknown reason you were burdened with this illness. maybe some cognitive therapy might help with that line of thinking

I do appreciate people have problems but problems I could deal with but not an illness that makes life a living hell to the point where I wish I weren't here

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Taurean's right Bruces. You're eating yourself up with resentment and wasting your life wishing you were somebody else, letting the OCD be your excuse for not living life to the full.

You think normal people have happy, perfect, wonderful lives? Do they heck! Lots of people without OCD find other excuses not to face up to life and reasons to wallow in self pity. It's not your OCD making your life that way - it's the way you've come to think about the world. My only suggestion is that if wallowing is what you want to do, make sure you enjoy yourself doing it. Some people do enjoy feeling sorry for themselves, and that's completely fine. It's their choice. Not my place to judge. Let them be whoever they want to be. But do consider seeing a counsellor for some cognitive thought re-processing. Sounds fancy? It's not. It's about shifting your belief framework ever so slightly so it's easier to live in the world we have instead of pointlessly wishing the world (and you) were different.

Everybody, whether normal or with OCD, faces challenges in life. How they step up to those challenges, whether they overcome them or succumb to them, defines the type of person they are. If you constantly tell yourself you're a lesser mortal, a failure, defective goods, that's exactly what you'll turn yourself into over time.

Ten years ago I was where you are; angry with the world for giving me OCD and spoiling my life. I had let things get on top of me and I felt worthless, useless, a failure. Life was anything but easy, or fun. It felt pointless to fight, to try to change. I was utterly miserable and I blamed everything on having OCD.

But you can turn it around. I could tell you how I did it, but that won't help you - you have to decide for yourself

1. I want to change

2. I will turn my life around however challenging that may be

3. I will keep an open mind to every possibility

Forget about your life being less than perfect, you can't control what happens in life, or what happens to you.

You only control who you are and how you respond to what happens to you.

You are free to choose the kind of person you want to be, and to change yourself into the kind of person you would admire and respect.

If making changes feels like too much effort right now, go talk to your GP. It's not uncommon to become depressed as a result of struggling against the OCD so long. Depression saps our energy, depletes the inner resources we have to fight for a better life. Medication may be the first step on the road to recovery.

If taking the first steps still seems too hard, that's fine too. You may simply not yet be ready for the challenges of life without the crutch of OCD. Nobody has the right to tell you you must change and nobody should force you into giving up your OCD before you're ready. When you want it enough, you'll find the way.

In case you think I sound like one of the lucky ones whose OCD goes away, believe me I'm far from cured. Every day is a physical and mental struggle. OCD rules every waking moment. But I've learned how to be happy in spite of my OCD. My life is full of joy, and love and laughter. I have purpose. My life is worthwhile, even if I never achieve my dreams.

I hope something helps you turn things around from where you seem to be right now, Bruces. Maybe it'll be something you read on this forum, or something else that shows you the way.

Remember, the only regret that's hard to live with is knowing you haven't attempted to do something which might have been possible.

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Those are wise words thank you I am currently on meds and awaiting some form of therapy I know I am my worst enemy but don't know how to change or how to be happy with myself I'm currently in a very dark pit of depression and don't know how to get out of if it things seem so very bleak

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Those are wise words thank you I am currently on meds and awaiting some form of therapy I know I am my worst enemy but don't know how to change or how to be happy with myself I'm currently in a very dark pit of depression and don't know how to get out of if it things seem so very bleak

Great news that you're receiving treatment for the depression and awaiting some sort of cognitive therapy in time.

May I give you one further piece of advice? It's hard doing cognitive therapy. You need all the energy you can muster. So while you're waiting try to view this time as useful in its own way. Like a soldier preparing for battle, resting the night before. Or an Olympic athlete building muscle before the big race.

Allow yourself to pass through this bit of R&R, (rest and relaxation) without guilt or pressure. Recovering from depression is a valid activity and a very worthwhile one. Cut yourself some slack while you go through it, ok? Things won't always look as bleak as they do at the moment and when the depression is gone you will instinctively find the route to your own inner happiness. You have time. :original:

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My regrets were quite a few - I've regretted letting the little things getting in the way of the big things and not always being there in the moment. I regret thoughts I've had after everything seemed okay again and that my worries stop me from appreciating the people around me. I regret that I wasn't always there with my Mum, but she saw me do some good stuff and I was with her at the end. It's quite fitting that this thread should come about now - my brother was mugged this afternoon (he's unhurt, but the news has shaken me and I just want to find him and hug him) and I want to take this as a sign to be in the moment, to be there with my family and appreciate them, as well as appreciate the fact that I am there with them and that we still have each other. I don't want to look back later on in life and think that I wasted my twenties over the small stuff.

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Guest Heryn!

Regret and guilt for me, as well, a fair amount of it attributable to OCD.

It's a thoroughly rotten business and it's all I seem to think about some days. :bag:

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Regret and guilt for me, as well, a fair amount of it attributable to OCD.

It's a thoroughly rotten business and it's all I seem to think about some days. :bag:

Ahmen to that I'll never forgive what I've put my parents through

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It doesn't help though does it?

I long ago realised the futility of feeling guilty for my wife's suffering during my OCD episodes.

I realised that by letting OCD - the REAL culprit - score that point over me as well, I would sink further under its power.

I refused to play its "blame game" and became more determined to, for me, find workable therapeutic answers.

I embraced the CBT therapy, and have found a medication that helps - that has aided my engaging in full ERP.

My OCD has nevertheless been of an episodic nature, with periods of little OCD broken by long spells of high OCD - my latest efforts have been geared to seeking to reduce those long high periods, seeking to balance those out.

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