christianity, sexuality and ocd

[ailo]

Hi! Does anyone else struggle with feeling really bad and guilty for things they do wrong (Like sexuality before marrige expecially, but also not being good enogh, or afraid of telling something who isnt 100 true even if you dont mean to lie.. and many other things) I really dread vacation because of this. Cause im not sure if its ok to have this trip with my boyfriend without being married.... and i feel i have to shower many times if i do something wrong.. and then he would be mad at me.. (I have come further with my ocd progress i thing in many ways.. but struggeling with this one among others) I really think its hard to see that sin dont trasferre (if i dont shower.. or clean like bedsheets, and stop things from spreading.. it can be an tiresome work!) Now i even feeling bad for him touching me inappropriate.. and feel i should shower.. but i cant now)

Sorry if this was too personal.. But I really feel bad about this... And think its about belief too.. My boyfriend doesnt share my faith.. and he woult marry me, before i dont have much ocd.. (i think it will be far away if ever)) But i have lots of ocd too.. and its all a mess, and lots of anxiety and guilt. Its a horrible feeling..

How can i know whats ocd and whats not? Its so horrible feeling, feeling you dont something terrible, and can be punished if you dont fix up by donig all this cleaning conpulsions.. or take distanse from it (like not go on holliday)

Im thinking of cansell the holliday.. cause im so confused of this and our relationship.. But of course it would be nice with a holliday.. cause i dont do alot like that now..

I hope everyones having a good summer!

Love Ailo

[PolarBear]

ailo, it's all OCD. You are having intrusive thoughts that you might have done something bad. That makes you feel awful. In response you are performing compulsions or wanting to perform compulsions.

What would you say to someone else who felt she had to shower after making a mistake? Does that sound rational to you?

Treat it as OCD. Stop the compulsions. Go on the trip.

[ailo]

Thanks for reply! I Guess most of it is ocd, and it makes no sense showering for most things.. But something of this is in religion wrong I guess. But maybe how I respond is ocd.. I feel so bad today, and feel i have to clean lots of stuff... I dont shower as a conpulsion on all my misstakes.. Sometimes I for exsample have to say like " excuse me" a number of times, or Call many times and make it up (embarresing) .. and the sexualstuff its showering.. cause i feel like its something there who can spread..

I try to recognise whats ocd and not, but its hard..

[Cub]

Hi there

Christianity, sexuality and OCD are all very difficult when mixed together. At the risk of TMI, my own sense of finding myself as an adult has spurred on my OCD to some extent, because of the uncertainty and yes, the guilt involved.

I don't know if it will make you feel better, but I know a couple, friends of my Nan, who are devotedly Catholic and who just liked to 'cuddle together' until they were married. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going on holiday with someone you love. A loving God understands that you have a loving heart and you just want to spend time with the person you care for. I think it's a rigidity thing - I had something very similar when I was a little younger. It is hard not to be rigid sometimes and not to put pressure on yourself when balancing your religion and exploration of your sexuality. But I think exploration of your sexuality, your likes and dislikes, deciding what's right for you and what isn't, is a very mature thing to do. It's a very human thing to do and I have confidence God understands that.

I also had a similar feeling to you of 'washing' when I felt wrong about myself - in my case it was washing my hands when I'd had a bad thought. May I ask: have you seen your doctor? It would be very worthwhile if you did.

I hope you can go on holiday and enjoy yourself - you sound like you deserve a break!

C x