Realising the Absurdity of My Thoughts...Hope this helps.

[Guest Hank79]

A few weeks ago I posted this:

" I've been ruminating over one particular incident that happened some 18 years ago, which was that I had 2 people looking to beat me up. The reason they wanted to beat me up was that I had kissed one of their girlfriends. Anyway, I've been thinking it over, wondering what would happen if I bumped into them. Would they take a swing at me? Would they have forgotten by now? Not even recognise me? etc etc."

Then a couple of days ago, I went to buy some headphones. He was working in the shop. I paniced and thought about leaving but then told myself "I'm not going to run away anymore". I approached the counter and he asked how he could help. I told him I was looking for headphones and we discussed different types and prices etc. Then, with palms sweating, I said, "I recognise you. We went to the same school. Remember me?" A blank look fell about his face. I told him my name. Still no recognition. He shook his head and said "Well, that was a long time ago. I have trouble remembering last week." And that was that. I bought some headphones, thanked him, we shook hands and then I left. I couldn't believe it. I was shaking...

Of course, since then my brain has been trying to tell me "What if you've now re-ignited his memory and his initial hate for you?" "What if you now bump into him outside of his work place, outside a safe place, and he will get you" etc.

I'm working hard to let these thoughts come and then go with focusing on something else, but it's getting better because of the fact that I have met him.

All those years of thinking he was harbouring a behemoth of a grudge and keeping an eye out for me. All that time of me worrying of bumping into him and fearing the consequences. I'm slowly coming round to understanding how absurd it was that such thoughts had such a grip on my mind. Of course, the anxiety is still there and it's still looking for its place in my mind...

I hope this doesn't act as reassurance. But I thought I would share it in case it does help someone realise they are just thoughts and take a step forward in loosening that grip that rumination can have from constantly feeding it with obsessional thinking.

[Gemma7]

Well done on the exposure of seeing this person proving that the ocd fear was unfounded. Good story to read well done again.

[PolarBear]

Yeah, well done Hank. You stood up for yourself and went against what OCD was telling you. You faced it head on. Excellent.

For sure OCD will look for another angle to keep you worried but as you said, let the thoughts go and don't give them any attention through compulsions.

[Guest Hank79]

Thanks both. This forum has really helped in taking those steps.

[gingerbreadgirl]

great post, well done x