I cant see that im being irrational anymore.

[mdlbrightchild]

I have such a fear that somehow my son is going to get cancer from his upcoming vaccines and i cant shake it.

Ive tried distraction but while im successful in distracting myself temporarily every time the worry comes back its no easier...isnt it supposed to get easier if you stop focusing on it? Its been over a week.

Finally i gave in and performed my mental anxiety reducing rituals and my anxiety over the situation is extremely high now.

The magical thinking is making everything worse...ive convinced myself that certain dreams and certain feelings ive had on certain days confirm that giving him the vaccine will cause cancer. I cant even see the craziness anymore in these thoughts. They are real to me, i honestly feel that way.

Im trying so hard to not cancel this appointment, i know thats avoidance but im convinced that im causing his death by ignoring the signs and dreams that are telling me not to get his vaccine.

Distraction isnt working and i dont even know how to do erp with this kind of obsession...or if i can even function after doing erp.

Plus the fact that it doesnt feel irrational this time, i feel like ive gotten too many signs for it to be just OCD.

[Gemma7]

Hi I don't think your anxiety will come down until your son has had the vaccines unfortunately. Ocd usually really hits us when there is still a choice up in the air. In your case that choice is cancelling the appointment. This choice usually leads to rumination. The only way to deal with this is to accept ocd anxiety is going to be at its worst now but after the vaccination it will go down considerably and probably attach itself to something else instead.

[mdlbrightchild]

Yeah i thought of that as well...?

I have 3 weeks and im scared they are going to be filled with "warning signs" to make me cancel the appt.

I really want to stick it out because ive been weak and cancelled things in the past because of ocd and i really want to prove to myself that its just OCD...but then it rears its ugly head and tells me im being selfish because keeping this appt is going to kill my son and the guilt and worry and indecision becomes overwhelming...

[Gemma7]

You arent weak because you compulse, we have all compulsed and it is hard to resist but you will definitely feel stronger going to this appointment and getting the vaccines.

Definitely expect ocd to try to put you off. If you find yourself dwelling on it try to distract yourself. But whatever ocd makes you feel in the end you can choose not to compulse at any point.

[PolarBear]

Even though your fear is irrational, that doesn't help when the thoughts seem so real. What you can concentrate on is the fact that you are dealing with OCD. You have a clear obsession you are dealing with. That obsession is causing you considerable distress. In response you want to perform compulsions. Focus on that. It's clearly OCD.

[mdlbrightchild]

Yes i keep telling myself that, saying its OCD...but i just feel like its not getting any easier...shouldnt at least some of the anxiety go away after days and weeks of trying to correct my thinking and distracting myself from the thoughts?

I feel like im doing it wrong.

[PolarBear]

Well in your case the anxiety over this issue isn't going to go away until your son has his shots. You've got the constant reminder of it in your head. The day is getting closer and closer so, no, I wouldn't imagine your anxiety would go down on its own. Control is about the best you can hope for right now. Try to resist those compulsions and refocus onto doing other things.

[Gemma7]

Unfortunately distraction can turn to avoidance of thoughts and mental compulsions. In the past I would stop myself thinking things and often when I was in bed with no distractions the thoughts would force through the dam I had built up.

I am not sure what mental compulsions you are doing but exposing yourself through choice to the thoughts you fear may help reduce the anxiety the thoughts create by taking away their intrusiveness. You have to do this gradually and not compulse after for anxiety to drop.

Edited June 1, 2015 by Gemma7

[mdlbrightchild]

That makes sense. Guess i will have to suck it up until then. Ive never forced myself to go through with something that caused me anxiety if i had another option before so this is new territory for me.

Thanks for the help guys...im trying self help right now due to money issues and i definitely dont have all the answers! This forum often gives me the push i need to keep trying. Appreciate it!