Obsessive fear of Lyme disease taking over

[greatsun]

I am struggling tonight. One of my obsessive health fears is that I will acquire Lyme disease through a long list of possible scenarios, but specifically from walking under low-hanging trees and having a tick fall on my head (I live in the Northeast US). This thought just popped into my brain about a month ago and I have been unable to dismiss it, although I know that it's unlikely. As part of my exposure therapy, my therapist has had me walk up and down a street full of trees every day for half an hour, without checking my body/scalp afterwards. I was doing okay with this, but over the past few days I've developed unexplained pain in both knees and am now convinced that this is a manifestation of Lyme (one of the symptoms is joint pain). I have been in a full-blown panic attack all day. I want to call the doctor tomorrow and demand a blood test. I am crippled by the fear that I have Lyme and will be forever sick and debilitated and that my life is ruined. Usually there is some small part of me that knows that my fear is irrational, but what's scary right now is that I 100% believe that I've gotten Lyme disease as a result of my exposure therapy. I don't know what to do and have no one to talk to.

[PolarBear]

So the problem here is that doing the exposures has had the unexpected result of triggering you further into having another obsession. Before you were thinking you could get lyme disease from various means. Now you're thinking you have it. In response you want to perform a compulsion (call your doctor and demand a blood test). You are likely also ruminating over the whole affair (another compulsion).

There's nothing unusual about this but what you must do is resist your compulsions. Don't call your doctor about a blood test. Sit with the anxiety and try your best not to ruminate over this. It can only do harm.

[greatsun]

Thanks, PolarBear. Unfortunately, I am having trouble distinguishing fiction from reality right now. I feel strongly that my therapist asked me to do something dangerous (walk down a tree-lined street in the spring) and I am overwhelmed with regret at ever engaging in exposure therapy in the first place. Since I've started ERP, my obsessions only seem to have gotten stronger. What is especially difficult, in this instance, is the crippling depression that I feel sinking in. In a flash, it seems that all my plans for the future have gone out the window. My mind is filled with thoughts of a life of chronic pain, nervous system damage, and disability. I have had difficulty getting out of bed all day in the face of these thoughts. I know I should try to push through, but it's so hard. I'm scared that if I don't see the doctor and inquire about Lyme, and I do in fact have it, that I'll have missed the critical window for antibiotic treatment. It's unbelievably hard to say "no, I won't go to the Dr." when the stakes and potential consequences feel so incredibly high. (Note: I will try with every fiber of my being to not go to the Dr., but it feels next to impossible and almost self-destructive to *not* go.)

Edited June 2, 2015 by greatsun

[mdlbrightchild]

Health anxiety and OCD combined is pretty much unbearable. I know how you feel because its what i have.

I cant help you out much except to say i know what you are going through. Currently im trying to resist cancelling a doctors appointment for my son because im convinced the vaccines he will get will give him cancer. Its so hard to resist because to you it feels very "life and death".

Have you had other OCD themes like this in the past that ended up being nothing? Maybe when the anxiety gets real strong it will help to remember that youve been here before, it was OCD then and its OCD now, just as you didnt believe it then, its no different every time...even though it feels worse.

[Handy]

Ticks dont fall from trees, for one thing, they dont climb trees, , so you should walk under them & be okay with the anxiety. Its knowing you can be safe doing this that can make it easier for you.

Btw, Lyme gives a target style rash & the test itself is $1000.

[PolarBear]

I would expect your anxiety to rise when you're doing the exposures. That would be normal. I wouldn't expect your anxiety to come down until you have repeated the exposures quite a few times.

The other side of exposure therapy is to resist and stop compulsions. That's the hard part but it's a critical part of the therapy. Are you still Googling about Lyme disease, symptoms, ticks, where they live, etc? If so that is a compulsion and it needs to stop. It doesn't help for you to do exposures and then perform other compulsions that keep the whole matter top of mind.

If you do chose to go to the doctor you will only be putting yourself back at square one. The problem will still exist -- that you have over estimated the threat present. You'll still do exposures after and every pain or feeling in your body will be 'evidence' to you of Lyme disease. And you'll want to go back to the doctor again. This won't help you get past this OCD theme.

The best thing you can do is identify the compulsions you are doing and resist/stop doing them. That would include any researching of Lyme disease and ruminating -- going over the subject matter in your head again and again.

Good luck to you.

[PolarBear]

Ticks dont fall from trees, for one thing, they dont climb trees, , so you should walk under them & be okay with the anxiety. Its knowing you can be safe doing this that can make it easier for you.

Btw, Lyme gives a target style rash & the test itself is $1000.

Reassurance doesn't work in cases like this. greatsun has already done the research and (rightly or wrongly) come up with 100 ways she could get Lyme disease. Her fear is irrational and rational comments won't work. She has to learn to live with the fear and sit through the anxiety so that in the future it doesn't bother her as much.

[greatsun]

I just want to report some positive news for you guys. I found myself at the doctor's last week for a respiratory illness, and while I was at it, asked if it could be Lyme-related (I thought she would say absolutely not and tell me to get out). Instead, she said that it wouldn't hurt to order a blood test and called it down to the lab for me. I felt horrified and conflicted inside. I so badly wanted the confirmation and certainty that the test would provide, but at the same time, I didn't want to give in to the OCD. I sat outside the lab for almost an hour and thought long and hard about this. I finally walked into the lab, told them to cancel the test, and drove home. I have not succumbed to checking rituals since then. I know it sounds small, but I felt so proud of myself for being able to refuse the test on my own terms. That victory is definitely encouraging me in other areas of my OCD.

[Markie1974]

Awesome job greatsun !!!! That's a huge step in over coming your fears !

[mdlbrightchild]

Thats not a small step thats a huge step for someone with health OCD.

Im currently battling my compulsion to avoid an upcoming appt for my son because im so scared of what could happen at the doctors. Dont sell yourself short...its taking every ounce of my will power to fight the urge.

Congratulations, one step closer!

[PolarBear]

Way to go, greatsun!

[inneedofhelp]

I just want to report some positive news for you guys. I found myself at the doctor's last week for a respiratory illness, and while I was at it, asked if it could be Lyme-related (I thought she would say absolutely not and tell me to get out). Instead, she said that it wouldn't hurt to order a blood test and called it down to the lab for me. I felt horrified and conflicted inside. I so badly wanted the confirmation and certainty that the test would provide, but at the same time, I didn't want to give in to the OCD. I sat outside the lab for almost an hour and thought long and hard about this. I finally walked into the lab, told them to cancel the test, and drove home. I have not succumbed to checking rituals since then. I know it sounds small, but I felt so proud of myself for being able to refuse the test on my own terms. That victory is definitely encouraging me in other areas of my OCD.

That really is a super result. I also fear Lyme Disease and stops me walking in the lovely Countryisde.

[greatsun]

inneedofhelp, I hope you are able to make peace with your fear of Lyme. I am still wildly afraid of it, but have been trying to take small steps to overcome it. I just took a trip to the countryside here in the US, in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts. The scenery was just lovely and so enticing---you bet I thought about Lyme and ticks the entire time I was taking walks and kayaking down rivers, but I still took those walks and river rides. The real challenge for me right now is to resist the overwhelming urge to check my body and scalp for ticks, but I've been successful thus far...

[Markie1974]

That's great exposure!!!! Keep doing it !