How to know if it is OCD.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Well, lately... (as many of you already know) I have been struggling A LOT with my OCD and intrusive thoughts - especially my theme of POCD. Some days I was nearly convinced I was a pedo, I was not eating, having anxiety attacks at every new thought or idea and I wanted to kill myself. My therapist said it was all OCD, you all said the same. I just couldn't understand how. I still struggle to understand just how deceptive OCD really can be. However, yesterday was a clear day for me. I kept busy, went into the city with my husband and some friends and I was constantly faced with kids. I was getting intrusive thoughts but I was just letting them go through my head, trying to regulate my anxiety and just be mindful of the OCD false messages. Sometimes I would start to really worry and think ''omg, what if it isn't OCD'' (like all of us do). But at the end of the day I felt totally clear. I was able to see kids how I have always seen them before the OCD set in and I was able to see my love and desire for my husband, like it was before this theme took hold.

This morning I woke up with intrusive thoughts, again. Of course, my brain started to come up with thoughts like ''I want to and am going to masturbate to these thoughts'' or that ''I will always be stuck this way because these are things I want now'', etc. I started to get really anxious and worry again. However, I had to remind myself that just before I went to bed last night I had a totally different mind frame - I was clear that it was OCD and I saw the workings. This recognition alone made me think... how could it be true if it is always changing? If I really were what the thoughts say... why wouldn't it be a permanent state, why would I be happy one day and see things one way and the next day be anxious and worrying and see things in a different way? Perhaps, a mental disorder? Otherwise, it wouldn't constantly change. ... Obviously, this is the clarity that we need to know it is OCD. Has anyone else thought of it this way when they have gained a level of clarity into their OCD but continue to struggle with intrusive thoughts?

[Ascend]

Unfortunately as OCD sufferers we don't get to know for sure that it's OCD.

Doubt is OCD's game so naturally you're going to doubt whether or not you have it to begin with. You have to take that leap of faith without being sure.

Naturally you have to want to get better for this to happen. Only you can create this burning desire for change, no one else.

This is why despite all the fantastic advice sufferers receive on these forums, they still stay stuck where they are. This is because they haven't managed to clear their own roadblocks towards getting better, they don't want it enough.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Unfortunately as OCD sufferers we don't get to know for sure that it's OCD.

Doubt is OCD's game so naturally you're going to doubt whether or not you have it to begin with. You have to take that leap of faith without being sure.

Naturally you have to want to get better for this to happen. Only you can create this burning desire for change, no one else.

This is why despite all the fantastic advice sufferers receive on these forums, they still stay stuck where they are. This is because they haven't managed to clear their own roadblocks towards getting better, they don't want it enough.

Right... we can't know for sure. But we can begin to spot OCD's false messages and contradictory feelings/thoughts. And like you said, then ''take the leap of faith''.

I think it is unfair to say that people don't want it enough. It is a very difficult disorder to overcome. And everyone has different levels of severity and personal strength. It has nothing to do with wanting it enough.

Edited December 21, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Ascend]

Okay let me word it differently.

You're on an OCD forum, I would be happy to bet a serious amount of money that every single fear you've posted here is down to your OCD. Deep down I'm sure you know this too.

Of course you're not going to feel like that, you're always going to feel like you're the odd one out - the one who's just been masquerading.

You took my statement about wanting it enough as a personal attack. It wasn't at all, many days I wake up and I don't want it enough.

Any change, especially one as large as fighting OCD, is going to be met by resistance. It's not because we're lazy, unmotivated or any of the above.

Tell me when was the last time you woke up and had a an absolute burning desire for change? Mine was last night, after two days of constant compulsions about a recent incident I just said to myself I can't do it anymore.

I want to be better, to experience a happy life, to have meaningful relationships and not to feel like a monster most of the time.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Okay let me word it differently.

You're on an OCD forum, I would be happy to bet a serious amount of money that every single fear you've posted here is down to your OCD. Deep down I'm sure you know this too.

Of course you're not going to feel like that, you're always going to feel like you're the odd one out - the one who's just been masquerading.

You took my statement about wanting it enough as a personal attack. It wasn't at all, many days I wake up and I don't want it enough.

Any change, especially one as large as fighting OCD, is going to be met by resistance. It's not because we're lazy, unmotivated or any of the above.

Tell me when was the last time you woke up and had a an absolute burning desire for change? Mine was last night, after two days of constant compulsions about a recent incident I just said to myself I can't do it anymore.

I want to be better, to experience a happy life, to have meaningful relationships and not to feel like a monster most of the time.

I guess I haven't been waking up lately feeling like that as all of this has just becoming overwhelming. It is hard to stay in the mind frame of ''I want to be better and I deserve to have a happy life'' when you are getting horrible intrusive sexual thoughts that cause you to doubt who you are. It isn't an easy disorder to ignore and it isn't as easy as waking up and wanting it. I get what you are saying about forcing yourself to make the change and sticking to it. It is a behavioral focus - focusing on stopping compulsions and catching yourself following negative/false thought patterns. When I do this I can see the OCD. But, there are times when doubts come up and I just can't refocus.

This is a hard disorder to beat. I'm not making excuses for anyone struggling to just wake up and decide they want a better life. It really is hard to keep on track.

[Ascend]

It is very hard. I'm struggling right now, I'm at work trying to distract myself but I'd rather be a home burying my head under the bed covers.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

It is very hard. I'm struggling right now, I'm at work trying to distract myself but I'd rather be a home burying my head under the bed covers.

Well, I wish you a better day than you are having at the moment, Ascend. I am struggling this morning, too. I am trying to get back to the mind frame I had yesterday and trying to resist ruminating and work on distracting myself from these thoughts. We'll manage to get through this....

[Ascend]

Here's hoping .

[taurean]

I think it is true that people struggle to cope with what they are thinking feeling and seeing in their minds, and until they can believe and truly resist ultra plausible thoughts etc. whatever guise they come in we struggle.

I would positively love it if we could give people a boost of mental resilience to carry them through difficult patches like we have been having.

[Guest Tricia]

This is why despite all the fantastic advice sufferers receive on these forums, they still stay stuck where they are. This is because they haven't managed to clear their own roadblocks towards getting better, they don't want it enough.

I find this statement about not wanting it enough deeply distressing and quite offensive.

Edited December 21, 2014 by Tricia

[Caramoole]

If I really were what the thoughts say... why wouldn't it be a permanent state, why would I be happy one day and see things one way and the next day be anxious and worrying and see things in a different way?

Yes, you don't become mad, revert back to normal and the become insane again....which is often what we fear we've become.

I think that's where Jeffery Schwarz term "Brain Lock" really sums that state up very well. That in that moment our brain literally seems to stick and in that state of terror everything seems real.....until we can cool down and shift that gear.

[Caramoole]

I find this statement about not wanting it enough deeply distressing and quite offensive.

That should only be so if you have regard for the person making that statement or if it was a professional stance. On a public forum there are many opinions but that is what they are, opinions. I can accept you find it offensive but it shouldn't distress you if you don't believe it.....it should be disregarded as something you don't agree with.

[Ascend]

Well I apologise if I've offended you Tricia.

I still stand by what I said though and as Caramoole said it's just an opinion. If you think it's rubbish then that's absolutely fine.

[Guest Tricia]

I see your point, Caramoole, but it is rather a judgemental attitude and I feel we should never make judgements.

I can handle such a remark now, but there are some who can't and it only adds to their guilt.

Ascend, perhaps if you could see just how badly some of the people I know want to be rid of their OCD - and how much effort, over decades, they've put into it, you'd realize it's not an accurate (in many cases, at least) or helpful thing to say.

[Ascend]

I'm of the belief that everybody can recover or at least make big improvements with their OCD. I don't accept the idea that someone has to suffer for the rest of their lives and be powerless to do anything about it.

Change is hard, these are behaviours that we've been performing often since childhood.

OCD for many of us is a huge part of our identity, whether we like it or not.

Im not in anyway downplaying how incredibly debilitating OCD is - it's sent me to the brink of suicide and absolute misery many times.

Edited December 21, 2014 by Ascend

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I see your point, Caramoole, but it is rather a judgemental attitude and I feel we should never make judgements.

I can handle such a remark now, but there are some who can't and it only adds to their guilt.

Ascend, perhaps if you could see just how badly some of the people I know want to be rid of their OCD - and how much effort, over decades, they've put into it, you'd realize it's not an accurate (in many cases, at least) or helpful thing to say.

I completely agree with Tricia. I am not horribly distressed by these remarks, I just find that they are not helpful and also quite judgmental. As something works for one person doesn't always work for everyone. Just because one person can ''decide'' to get better and then gets better doesn't mean that is the case for everyone with OCD.

Edited December 21, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Caramoole]

I see your point, Caramoole, but it is rather a judgemental attitude and I feel we should never make judgements.

None of us are perfect........Did I actually say that? :angel:

I think in fairness we all make judgements about all manner of things......it depends upon what and why.

But as I said....we should never take on board someone's opinion and react to it unless we believe it......in all aspects of life whether it's the big stuff or just whether someone doesn't like our hairstyle. We're tough enough on ourselves without taking on board opinions we don't agree with

[taurean]

I can see where Tricia is coming from here.

We all get frustrated when we try and help each other, but some of us certainly don't however have continuing problems because of any lack of effort.

I for example can recall having problems with reading newspapers and films right back to the time around 26-28 years ago when i was a Divisional Director and with that title got a company car and free newspapers every day.

Some days the news really spooked me.

i was then asked to co-run a film and tv insurance dept and just got hopelessly triggered and overwhelmed and could not continue with that line of work.

No amount of exposure and response prevention and CBT over the years has removed this problem for me, despite enlormous effort and as I say overt exposure - but i do keep trying - maybe with meds it might work.

I know I cope well when my mental resilience is stronger and when I cut down the overall exposure in a sensible fashion . So I do read the newspaper, but mainly when i am feeling strong mentally anyway. And I am selective about the type of media entertainment I engage with.

So yes, Tricia is right, for some of us knowledge will always be helpful but we may still have problems.

For others, they do get continuing help but yes, unless they do eventually follow the guidelines take the distress meanwhile and play out the necessary efforts they will likely stay stuck - whether they are able to do so may depend on their ability to manage that, or they may just have a problem like mine that won't resolve.

I think we all do try to take the opportunity to keep encouraging - as we did last night with Eric Dave .

Edited December 21, 2014 by taurean

[taurean]

I'm of the belief that everybody can recover or at least make big improvements with their OCD. I don't accept the idea that someone has to suffer for the rest of their lives and be powerless to do anything about it.

Change is hard, these are behaviours that we've been performing often since childhood.

OCD for many of us is a huge part of our identity, whether we like it or not.

Im not in anyway downplaying how incredibly debilitating OCD is - it's sent me to the brink of suicide and absolute misery many times.

I think there is still an issue with your first two sentences Ascend. It is of course your opinion, but do have a look at what i have just said too. I think we may be touching on this issue now for the third time in threads - we do have to understand our fellow sufferers cannot be categorised - difficulties will still continue for some of us however engaging with therapy a person may be.

In my case I am absolutely convinced that a lot of my difficulties (in particular lopping thoughts) are biochemical - but have previously had problems with meds so had to get by without and effectively wait for episodes of the imbalance to ease down.

Edited December 21, 2014 by taurean

[Caramoole]

Okay......Let's get back to HAW's original topic now

[Yrrow]

I have often wondered whether the amount of time one suffers with untreated OCD can have an effect on prognosis. I'm just thinking in terms of how difficult it is to "re-wire" one's brain. For instance, I'm wondering if it will be harder for me to make change the longer I let this go and the more time in my life I go thinking like this.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I have often wondered whether the amount of time one suffers with untreated OCD can have an effect on prognosis. I'm just thinking in terms of how difficult it is to "re-wire" one's brain. For instance, I'm wondering if it will be harder for me to make change the longer I let this go and the more time in my life I go thinking like this.

I completely agree. I often wonder this, as well. Especially, the severity of the obsessions. If you are spending 24/7 ruminating and dealing with intrusive thoughts.... how likely are you to be able to overcome them completely?

[taurean]

Yes that's great.

I think that everyone who has this issue bears in mind that thoughts images feelings urges must be expected that try and claw them back . they will feel teal because they are no different from real ones - they come from within the brain. But they are false messages.

In Brainlock we are told to deal with this under step 2 reattribute - watch for it, see it as OCD and refocus.

It is such a challenge for people to overcome but they need to come to terms with this issue especially.

So lets remember that if we had clarity, then we are presented with "proof" that its real as a counter to that clarity ,we need to peel off the skin of that proof to look for the falsehoods beneath - however convincing it may be.

[Caramoole]

I have often wondered whether the amount of time one suffers with untreated OCD can have an effect on prognosis. I'm just thinking in terms of how difficult it is to "re-wire" one's brain. For instance, I'm wondering if it will be harder for me to make change the longer I let this go and the more time in my life I go thinking like this.

Personally (and it is only a personal opinion) I think it makes it more difficult.... which is why it's vital that those who have been recently diagnosed try hard to implement the recommended therapy.

As for prognosis/outcome...Polar Bear had been a sufferer for almost 40 years with every success

[taurean]

In Brainlock Jeffrey Schwartz makes it clear it can take some time to rewire the brain.

I would think it unhelpful to try and speculate on the length of time, it will vary .

I would take comfort in the people like Flatver Legend Polarbear etc who have come on here and confirmed they have done this.And the case histories in the book Brainlock.