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Sex & OCD - a perspective


Guest ScottOCDid

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Guest ScottOCDid

With a title such as this, it can be expected that this thread will land a good number of hits. It’s human nature. In fact, it’s just nature, worldwide and species-wide (give or take a few hermaphrodite creatures and plants). Sex represents one of the most powerful influences on our lives and, as we all know, powerful doesn’t always mean good when it comes to OCD. Of course, there are several OCD themes that relate directly to sex but they’re pretty much all based on the same chemical/ emotional, psychosexual broth. When we reach our teens, we’re said to be “mixed up” and/or “confused”. And it’s no wonder. In most cultures and certainly British culture (on which I feel best placed to comment), we grow up learning to tag labels such as “rude”, “dirty” and “naughty” to all things boys’ bits and all things girls’ bits. We cover up, we shut up, and we hit puberty carrying the baggage of more taboos than are broken in a pioneering Channel 4 documentary. Even in the language that we are taught, all of the most “obscene” words relate to sexual acts or anatomy. When the final ingredient of hormones is poured liberally into our heady mix of sexual consciousness, we’re left burdened with a potent brew that can fuel our OCD at any age.

As a consequence of these factors, it’s normal that most of us will end up feeling guilty about sex at several stages in our lives. In our teens, we might experience guilt at being aroused by “dirty” pictures or at finding pleasure in “self abuse” (note again the negatively evocative terminology). Religious, cultural or personal morality issues may also lead to feelings of guilt. Later on, we might feel at fault because we sense physical attraction in someone who is married or someone who is sexually mature but many years younger. Guilt associated with sex seems inevitable… but guilt combined with OCD is bad news. Very bad news. And it can only mean trouble for the sufferer.

Inappropriate feelings, imagined desire

A common sex-related OCD is the fear (and, of course, fear is essentially what OCD is) that some form of desire is felt towards an inappropriate person or action. This fear will be huge because the sufferer’s true feelings are that any such activities would be repugnant, abhorrent, appalling, possibly criminal and certainly completely at odds with his/her natural sexual awareness. “Gay fears OCD” also falls into this category but is complicated further by the fact that the strength of feeling against being gay is personal to the individual, rather than being subject to the global condemnation that is associated with any form of abuse of another person. Consequently, GF-OCD will imply to the sufferer that he/she has a choice in the matter (which he/she will certainly not wish to exercise) that he/she could become that way inclined and still be free to go about living his/her life.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember about any kind of sexual-OCD, indeed the vast majority of OCDs in general, is that they are based upon fears. More guilt and/or more revulsion leads to greater fear, which leads to worsened OCD. And OCD knows just how to set the sparks flying.

A useful analogy might be to think of everyone’s mind as a multi-storey building and to think of fear as water spilled on the top floor. On the very lowest level of the imagination, everybody has a dark, dingy basement where he/she really doesn’t want to venture. Unlike the rest of the building, it’s infrequently visited and in poor condition, with live wires exposed and dangerous; certainly not a place for that water to reach. For people without OCD, day-to-day and week-to-week fear might amount to a bucket of water spilled on the top level, which soaks in and evaporates quickly before it can seep down more than a level or two. For those with OCD, however, the tap of fear can’t be turned off and the sheer volume of the spillage inevitably means that the wires in the basement are soon sparking venomously. OCD, like water, will always find a way to creep down to the lowest level, and if you’ve ever suffered from a sex-related OCD, you’ve probably encountered one or more of the following ways in which the OCD-plagued mind will play its tricks.

1. Mixed messages from the control centre

For virtually all of us - whether OCD sufferers or not - sex is one of life’s pleasures (or something that we miss in its absence). It’s supposed to be; our bodies are designed to come together in that way and our minds are programmed to want to seek that unity. How we all choose to share our sexuality is a matter for self-determination, outwith the scope or relevance of this post, which will depend upon a number of lifestyle factors. However, the fact remains that sex is a uniquely and sensationally good thing for most people.

The power of that feeling is one of the things that OCD uses to try to inflict damage. OCD will draw upon naturally positive and arousing sexual imagery and remembered sensations and ask “well, you enjoyed that so who’s to say that you couldn’t like this?” And it will do so relentlessly, taking the sufferer deeper and deeper into despair as - with each wave of fear - OCD will superimpose stimulating visualisations and memories over appalling and unwanted images. The forced clashing of good and bad is the first line of attack in the case of this guilt-driven OCD.

A worthwhile comparison would be a pure-O sufferer who is haunted by images of his favourite aunt being involved in an accident, and his fearing that his OCD might somehow bring about that event. The OCDer’s aunt is wealthy and has set aside a vast sum of money to the OCDer in her will. Consequently, the method of attack adopted by the OCD is to clash thoughts of all of the good, positive things that the money could buy against the awful images of the imaginary accident, accusing the sufferer that “you’ve always wanted to be able to afford that [desired possession], which is why you want your aunt to die”.

The above example represents a forced conflict of good and bad imagery, the result of which is ice-cold terror. And with sex-related OCD, the principle is exactly the same.

2. Sensation by proxy

Once OCD has achieved a sense of confused unreality (and it is, of course, not real and never will be), it may well try to tap into another feature of the imagination: the ability to conceive of sympathetic sensations. To take a non-OCD example, if a friend were to tell you that he had caught his fingers in the door of a car, you could cringe in sympathetic pain - based upon your own experiences of hurt. Likewise, if an OCD thought is focussed on a fear of inappropriate touching, OCD can turn to this power of the imagination to force the sufferer to sense that feeling of being touched. Suddenly, he/she is faced not only with the erroneous message that there is a desire to touch but also with the false message that it would be stimulating to be touched, such mentally trickery again drawing upon the individual’s previous natural and healthy experiences of sexual arousal. It’s like an author of fiction who is able to describe concurrently the intimate feelings of all of her characters, through a combination of imagination and past, personal experiences.

Of course, the result for the OCD sufferer is an agonised state of inner conflict and confusion - all the more so if a loved one is the subject of the corrupted thought processes. Bombarded by so many opposing feelings, he/she reaches a state of detached, miserable unreality and yearns an escape from any and all triggers - or, more damaging still, seeks to confront the triggers in order to ensure that the response is revulsion.

Life can be cruel; OCD can be torture. And OCD knows exactly which buttons to press.

3. Away we go, to a place called Vertigo

Fear is proportional to risk - or, more pertinently where OCD is concerned, fear is proportional to perceived risk.

Cliché time! If a foot-wide beam were to be placed on level ground, virtually everybody would be able to walk across it with confidence. However, if the same beam were to be placed spanning a 100 metre deep chasm, the number of people prepared (or able) to cross it would fall away dramatically. For a huge percentage of folk, being forced to walk across the high beam would fill them with dread and would induce a physical reaction involving adrenaline release, increased heart rate and “jangling nerves”. This anxiety response from the central nervous system would likely lead to sensations of dizziness, disorientation and the potential feeling of losing automotive ability in the limbs. Individuals in this predicament would probably sense that they were being drawn towards the danger.

With OCD, the trigger isn’t (generally) the actual possibility of falling into a chasm… but it is the emotional equivalent. The perceived risk is the sufferer’s greatest fear, which may well induce the same response from the nervous system as the high beam comparison. In a situation in which the trigger is in forced physical proximity, the sufferer may well experience those same vertiginous sensations of light-headedness, of panic and of believing that he/she is being drawn to make the contact that would pretty much mark the end of his/her emotional world. The OCD sufferer will not seek to make that contact but may be crippled by fear, frozen in desperation once again to distance him/herself from the trigger. Note that this is still the obsessive (fear) component of OCD, never to be confused with the compulsive (reassurance-seeking) component. A nerve-struck boy whose fear seems to pull him towards the edge of the chasm does not feel a compulsion to launch himself into the void; rather he feels a compulsion to seek reassurance, by clinging limpet-style to the high beam.

OCD doesn’t differentiate between "risk" associated with a feared person/ group of people and a colossal vertical drop; as long as the sufferer is overwhelmed by anxiety, OCD has scored once again.

4. Upstairs, downstairs

So surely it can’t get any worse? But then again, this is OCD.

If someone were to threaten you with a gun by saying “I’ll shoot if you sneeze”, you’d be hard pushed to turn your attention away from sensation in your nose. Similarly, if the threat were that you would be shot should you blink, your physical focus would almost certainly be your eyes.

With the sexually anxious mind in a condition of considerable torment, OCD may well turn its attention to what - if anything - is going on below the waistline. The saying reads “fit of body, fit of mind”… well, what about “confused of mind, confused of body”? If there’s one thing that an OCD sufferer really doesn’t want at this point in time, it’s for his/her body to react in a sexual way; surely this would, the sufferer believes, be the damning evidence that what is feared is what is actually desired. Well, as we know, life with OCD is rarely as black and white as that.

Conflicting signals from the mind mean that the erogenous parts of the body don’t know how to respond. The sufferer is living through the greatest fear of his/her life yet at the same time, there are flashes of sensation and imagery that would normally elicit a physiological, sexual reaction. He/she is using all available willpower to refrain from exhibiting any form of bodily response, which has the unfortunate effects of accentuating awareness of the nether regions and of heightening sensitivity. It’s like the electronic game in which a player tries to negotiate a metal loop around a twisted cable without making contact; she’s ultra-alert and primed to jump almost literally into the air in the instant that the buzzer sounds. And, as regards our OCD scenario, what does the physical hypersensitivity in the undies department mimic…? Answer: normal sexual arousal from natural stimuli. It’s a vicious cycle that pushes the sufferer to the brink of emotional collapse.

An OCDer with troublesome, sex-related thoughts knows - more acutely than most - that the people who actually wish or seek to exploit others in the ways that can cause OCDers so much terror, are people of the sickest kind. That’s why the fear is so great; that’s why the sufferer is prepared to rip apart mind and soul in search of the tiniest scrap of a possibility that such thoughts could be true. An OCDer is a victim of inner torment and will never be the person who enacts the terrifying scenarios.

It’s essentially the ultimate in risk assessment; think if you will of the professionals who are currently working flat-out to thwart another atrocity such as that brought to London recently. These policing forces are the good guys, and they are spending all of their time thinking of ways in which we could be attacked; they’re plotting, planning, conceptualising death and destruction on a huge scale by looking for weaknesses in the defences and deliberately thinking of ways to get through. So why are they looking for that very same chink in the armour as the perpetrators of the crimes? Because they’re doing everything imaginable to try to stop it from happening.

5. Not tonight, dear

Perhaps the “final straw” stemming from all of the anxiety brought about by the combination of factors described above, is the impact upon the sufferers real feelings of sexuality. The despair and pain associated with sex-related OCD may well mean that interest is lost in sexual activity with a partner, as can result from any form of stress. This can be particularly hurtful if it leads to the sufferer being unable to perform, with the inevitable result that he/she will further question if this signifies that desire lies not with a normal sexual relationship but with the feared activity - which it absolutely does not. Sexual intimacy should be driven by natural instincts rather than conscious thoughts and the more a stressed individual tries to engage, the less natural it will feel. It’s a cruel irony but it’s par-for-the-course, just like when a doctor instructs “breathe normally” and years of practice of breathing normally suddenly cease to make doing so feel like a natural process. For OCDers, it’s a double negative - but it certainly doesn’t make a positive.

The solution to the problem, which is the challenge that all OCD sufferers face, is to break the cycle of the obsessions, with the aim that normality in other areas will return as a matter of course.

A final note in this section, with special regard to gay fears OCD, is an appeal to forum users not to fall out over the issue of sexuality. GF- OCD is simply not the same as being gay or being unsure about sexual orientation. It can be hurtful and counter-productive to all concerned to ask OCD sufferers who happen to be gay, to comment or make observations on GF-OCD. People are what they are; those who acknowledge their own homosexuality will neither change nor want to change. Those people who suffer with GF-OCD are straight and will neither change nor want to change (other than freeing themselves from the grip of OCD). On the same subject, it might be worth bearing in mind that to suggest to a GF-OCDer that it doesn’t really matter if he is gay is, in principle, the same as saying to a fear-of-harming OCDer that it doesn’t really matter if she does indeed live out her worst fear of stabbing her newborn baby. The vastly different levels of social acceptability and otherwise are irrelevant; it is his/her perception as an individual that is the basis of the OCD fears.

It’s merely a humble opinion, but for those of opposite sexuality to debate GF-OCD seems as futile as husband and wife arguing as to whether it is Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt who is the sexier of the two. Openly gay board users have made some significant contributions to the forums and to the charity, and we should all try to channel our efforts into combating the common enemy of OCD, rather than focussing on what sets us apart.

And there’s more…

Of course, blatantly inappropriate thoughts don’t represent the only way in which sex can feature in OCD. As described previously, sex can carry with it the feelings of guilt, shame or blame on which OCD thrives. This can lead to retrospective obsessions, in which a sufferer will ruminate over something that “might have happened”, when clearly it has not. An example would be a woman who makes eye contact with a good looking guy across the dancefloor but didn’t mean to lead him on. An non-OCDer could have a mild concern that she’ll need to endure the embarrassment of knocking the guy back - but that’ll be the end of it. Worst case scenario equals no big deal. A sufferer of OCD, on the other hand, whose mind is fine-tuned to explore worst case scenarios, might wake the next morning convinced that she picked up the guy whilst she was under the influence, indulged in a night of passion that she can no longer remember and is now pregnant as a consequence. In a similar fashion, a man might constantly revisit the thought that a past girlfriend managed to perform some form of DIY, artificial insemination that has resulted in his unwittingly and unknowingly fathering a child. These and other examples may lead to the OCD-inspired need to confess to things that haven’t even happened, possibly to the detriment of existing relationships.

The OCDer’s need for control, the eternal questioning “what if?” and the acknowledgement that “it would be all my fault”, all conspire to make such anxieties possible. The worst case scenarios are more dramatic, extreme and implausible than those envisaged by other people - but then that’s OCD, of course. It’s no different from the “did I run someone over?” principle; another guilt-ridden, responsibility OCD.

Another possible way in which OCD can turn to - or rather from - sex as an issue, is in influencing the sufferer to perceive sex as a contaminant or a dirty thing. This may be most prevalent in those in their prepubescent years, when the normal apprehension regarding sexual development is magnified and distorted. Even more upsetting is the possibility that an individual’s past experience of being mistreated or abused can be the subject of their OCD fears of sex; I’m in no way qualified to comment on this very complex set of circumstances but my heart goes out to those who have to live with the pain that this must bring.

HIV is also an obvious factor that can make an OCDer consider sexual activity or associated waste to be a threat. This type of contamination OCD possibly warrants its own thread but there is of course overlap with issues of a sexual nature.

And finally…!

Humans are complex beings, OCD sufferers perhaps more so as we focus our thoughts on some of the biggest issues in life. Death is one such theme, sex is another. One day, our tireless searching for the answers - whatever they may prove to be - might lead one of us to solve the great mysteries behind these huge things that affect us all. In the meantime, if you’re struggling with a sex-related OCD, I hope that the above might help you to put your fears into perspective.

Wishing you all happy and fulfilling relationships.

S

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Guest Muse_Man

Hi Scott,

That was fantastic, I agree with a lot of things you have said, thanks for sharing that! For me in the past the 'taboo' was always a strong worry, your so right that it is natural thing that everyone should enjoy without doubt and obsessing!

I have trouble relaxing around the opposite sex cos me anxiety and inexperience. I have developed a fear of women over my teen years (sounds silly). Being in close contact or just even walking past a girl on the street, I automatically worry about fear of rejection or that I am going to not be good enough for a girl in a friendship or relationship, worrying they would get bored pretty quickly or think I am strange cos my tenseness, insecurity and my OCD behaviour, or I worry that I may offend them.

I am currently working on these fears alongside my social anxiety and introvertness, and exposing myself more ;-).

Take care,

Stuart :)

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Guest Lizbeth
:) I just wanted to say....THANK YOU!! I will not go into detail but that section 'upstairs, downstairs' has verbalised and explained something about my fear of inappropriate behaviour/harming OCD that has been plaguing me for AGES! I was starting to believe it wasn't OCD which was horrible. This has really helped. Really! Thank you Scott :):)
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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest lilyelspeth

I am having a really hard time with this at the moment as well. I am starting a new relationship (finally!:D ) and I am so worried about this. He is fine with the OCD but does not know the extent of my sexually related worries, doubts, obsessions, etc.

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Guest thelma

Hi there Scott,

Just had to say a big thank you :D .I have the intrusive thoughts every day, and one huge massive black thought from the past that wont go away.Reading your post has made so much sense,obviously I still doubt myself and these thoughts haven't gone away,but for the moment you have made me realise that I am definately not alone.Thank you again, Thelma :lol2:

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Guest Punk Sugar Princess

I often have sexually related intrusive thoughts, ill admit, about relatives. I have before once forced myself to think of a disturbing image to prove I did not find this sexual, it completley grossed me out and i felt sick about myself for thinking it in the first place. Nowadays I still get those thoughts and they still upset me but I dont mull over them or wonder about them anymore, I know I'd never do anything with anyone else other than my boyfriend. My main OCD related problem with this is fear of pregnancy. I know lots of non OCD girls worry about it but i never stop until the point of my time of the month, luckily my boyfriend is very reassuring and for himself as well as me, takes extra special care to 'check' everything for...well i wont go into it but u get the idea. Because hes always done this we dont get embarassed or feel awkward afterwards. I dont have a fear of infection or STD's cos me and my boyfriend were both virgins till we met each other. However recently my time of the month decided to play around and change its time which caused me to have a fortnight when every waking second i was thinking about what i was convinced was growing inside me. Sorry to the guys for the detail but I usually have pains about a week before hand, but it seemed no go. My boyfriend arranged for us to see a doctor and that comforted me a bit as I probably wouldn't keep the baby (again this caused my OCD to trigger my morality setting and made me worry about whether or not it was right to abort)

Then on the morning of the doctors visit, 'flo came to town'. I cried with relief all morning and had a spring in my step the rest of the day, im not so frightened now, not only cos my boyfriend is exceedingly careful(bless him) but now I know that even if the worst did happen, I have a lot of support behind me.

I hope this helps someone somehow, I don't even know why I posted I just wanted to get it off my chest.

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Guest NeilC

Scott,

I have intrusive thoughts that I fancy young girls. I can be fine for a week or so then I will see a young girl in the street and the thought will come that I fancy her. I try to accept this as just anxiety and ocd. Thats ok and if that was it i think i could cope. BUT it then seems like im looking again. I then get frightened that I am not just thinking thoughts I am looking again a kind of action more than just a thought. It then seems so real that I fancy the girl that if i ruminate about what i just saw then it seems like i like looking and when i ask myself do i like looking, it seems like I do.

How can i get this out of my head.

I don't like feeling miserable and when not suffering am friendly and a fun loving person. But it just grinds at me and takes my confidence and zest for life. Im getting married next month and am so frightened the day will be a nightmare for me.

I went on my stag do this weekend and got to 11am on the Saturday morning before I saw a young girl on Brighton peer.

I spent the rest of the weekend feeling CR*p. But I put a brave face on because it was my stag do and all my mates were there.

Its now Tuesday night and im still sweating and feel ****.

When will it go away I think 11 years is enough now.

Sorry to go on and sound miserable, may be I am just looking for a little sympathy.

Does anyone suffer with this does anyone else have an answer. To stop it seeming that I am looking at young girls inapropriatly.

Neil

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Guest Mojito

Sex is such a strange, spikey thing - it deals with extremes. Sometimes we become aroused precisely because we know something is a 'wrong' thought. The brain seeks out the most disturbing/forbidden image it can and says 'There - deal with that!'.

In other words, I think it's futile to try and 'clean up' our sexual thoughts. Because it flies in the face of what sex is.

Does that make sense?

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Guest Mojito
Does anyone suffer with this does anyone else have an answer. To stop it seeming that I am looking at young girls inapropriatly.

You have to conclude that these thoughts are more natural/normal than people usually admit. After all, you found young girls attractive when you were their age, right? So you're not suddenly going to hit adulthood and leave those feelings locked up in a box. Sometimes the sight of young girls/boys brings back memories of being at school, and that was obviously an angsty and exciting time for most of us.

Also, as I said above, the realisation that a sexual thought is 'forbidden' means it can be arousing for that reason. Not because you find the girls arousing, but because you find busting-the-taboo exciting. Nothing wrong with that. It's a sign of a healthy sexuality, I'd have said.

If you keep telling yourself this, you'll gradually become more and more relaxed and eventually the anxiety will leave you. Don't try and force yourself not to have the thoughts - let yourself have them, and you'll see that no harm will come of it.

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Guest ScottOCDid
How can i get this out of my head … it just grinds at me and takes my confidence and zest for life. Im getting married next month and am so frightened the day will be a nightmare for me.

58487[/snapback]

Hi Neil,

Without wishing to oversimplify the matter, it is OCD, and as such must be treated in the same way as any other type of OCD. A visit to the GP, with a view to a referral is the step to take. Understandably, owing to the nature of the thoughts, it may feel uncomfortable to open up to your doc - but if you arm yourself with knowledge and perhaps literature (I think Imp of the Mind covers such thoughts), you will hopefully be able to break down this barrier. Step at a time.

S

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Thanks for the advice on the book. I will try that.

I have had 20 or so sessions of CBT with a phycotherapist which has helped tremendously.

He told me it was OCD.

I have done everything he said.

I am lucky enough to have a great fiancee who goes with me to shopping centres just so I can be around young girls to have the anxiety and know that thats all it is and that it is OCD and I am not a bad person.

I keep telling myself its just a thought but I still feel down for days. I dont understand why.

I seem to be in a constant circle of having the anxiety, disgust, fear etc for about three or 4 days. Then I will feel better for about a week. Then it just starts all over again.

Its not like I avoid things. I challenge the thoughts so why do I still feel so low.

Does anyone have any advice to stop me feeling so low for days.

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I am having a really hard time with this at the moment as well. I am starting a new relationship (finally!:) ) and I am so worried about this. He is fine with the OCD but does not know the extent of my sexually related worries, doubts, obsessions, etc.

58287[/snapback]

Hey lilyelspeth,

I'm too in a 'new' situation and again all my worries and doubts, fears, etc. have come back full blast, just as they always do in these situations.

Love Andrea

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Hi Scott,

That post was brilliant - you really are amazing at stuff like this. thumb up.gif

I understood a lot of it and could relate to what you wrote, however do you have any similar theories for love, attraction and relationships? I find I have the same doubts, worries, fears and obsessions whenever I start something new.

Love Andrea

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  • 9 months later...
Guest Lizbeth

Hey guys,

I am just bumping this thread up for all those who haven't seen it before. It gave me some invaluable help when I was really struggling. It's just been mentioned on a current thread and I thought it was worth looking into again. I hope some of you find this helpful.

xxJadexx :original:

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Guest Lindsay

Thank you so much for bumping this Jade, and for writing it in the first place Scott! This entire thing, especially the "Upstairs, downstairs" section, is so fantastic. This has been a big problem for myself and my partner for the duration of our five year relationship, and while he has been wonderful and so understanding, I still tend to feel horribly guilty and confused and never even connected it to the OCD until now.

This really means a lot to me. Thank you again.

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Guest flap

Wow.

Thanks Scott for the post and Jade for bringing it to the top of the board.

What a fantastic post - I suffer from this type of ocd along with afew other types and your post Scott is going to be a massive help to me.

Many thanks to you both :hug:

Flap

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Guest Craigy

Neil (and anyone else who relates to this),

This is the first time I've used this forum. I identify with a lot of what you say : coincidentally I recently got married (March 2005), my wife is also very supportive, and, whilst appreciating most of my mates most of the time, also find that I struggle to communicate with them when I'm not in the mood for "lads' chat", or when I'm caught up in my thinking. I too have similar problems with sexually related intrusive thoughts. It distresses me a :censored: of a lot from time to time :wallbash: (strictly speaking when I allow it to I guess).

I have suffered from a recurrent depressive problem for 16 odd years, with sexually-related obsessive thinking thrown in to the mix as a separate but related problem for the past 11 years. It doesn't feel right to go into the causes and triggers here, but I will say that I do go through frequent phases of obsessing that (some) people might think I am a pervert / deviant / paedophile because of a) something vaguely related that I have said or done or b) something vaguely related that someone else might have said to me. It is such a pain in the :censored: constantly having to deal with these thoughts, but I have definitely been coping better recently. If I have such a thought I am trying not to push it away or avoid it so much, I allow it to enter my consciousness and appreciate that it is just a thought - albeit an obsessive one. I remind myself that most of us have bizarre thoughts from time to time, it's just that more content / well-adjusted people can more easily let go and not misinterpret them (impartial observer and all that).

I have only recently (about a month ago) really identified the obsessive nature of my thinking as just that. I always saw OCD with the emphasis on the Compulsive Behaviour (checking. washing, etc), so I generally saw my obsessive thinking as ruminating or general negative thinking, or part of my depressive thinking. But I now see my obsessive thinking as an extra risk factor which can push me over the blurred boundary between sadness and depression.

I'm going through another difficult few days at the moment. Related to something my therapist said to me the other night which the "pain in the :censored:" irrational part of me has taken the wrong way. But I know it will pass (it's always so hard to believe that isn't it?) and I will continue to get on with life reasonably successfully (I've got to think that anyway). I'm keeping myself as busy as poss and just need to be patient, like the countless other times I've felt like this.

I'm going to look into going to a local OCD group aswell. BTW, how did your wedding go? And how are you coping?

Life's a :censored: but thank god some of its OK.

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Guest Jenna

Thanks so much. This is exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear. I have a problem with sexual contamination but used to be fine until the OCD kicked in full time. Now I see it as dirty and feel that I should be punished (ie by getting a disease - this list is endless!) everytime I get anywhere near contemplating it. As a result, I'm convinced I have something that I might pass on to someone else and am terrified of the slightest thing relating to it. My whole life is given up to obsessing about sexual diseases and checking myself for any sign of them. It's such a trap. I can't tell you how much it has helped to read similar comments on here. If others understand the same feelings and label it as OCD then that's what I'm hoping to take inspiration from and do the same. I feel so awful that everyone wants to move on and do things that other people can do so naturally and yet we're stuck. But as long as we can keep reading things like this and seeing ourselves in it (even though it's so personal and varies so much) then hopefully that pushes us along the way to understanding and to accepting what the real problem is. Sometimes I think this forum is a life saver!

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Guest Craigy

Neil, Jenna,

The bottom line seems to be that we all have involuntary thoughts or images. However if they are recurrent, and INTERPRETED as intrusive, upsetting, abhorrent and/or distressing, and they adversely affect your day-to-day quality of life....... then you are suffering from an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, whether or not you have an accompanying set of neutralising behaviours, and no matter what the theme of the thoughts are (eg contamination, taking too much responsibility, sexual, violent, etc, etc).

You may develop OVERT compulsive behaviours to deal with these thoughts (EG checking, washing, avoiding situations), but these behaviours may also be COVERT (eg pushing the thoughts away, saying something to yourself repeatedly in response to the thoughts, enduring situations while trying hard to ignore the thoughts........ basically allowing yourself to be "got at" by the thoughts). I know I am more of the latter.

I put INTERPRETED above in capitals because that is key. In theory (and I suppose this to be true) there are people walking around this earth who have all sorts of bizarre, weird thoughts that they don't agree with popping into their heads, and at the same frequency as OCD sufferers...... but instead of alarm bells ringing, they just let them float away, don't give them any "air-time", realise that they are silly and bizarre and not worth dwelling on (I wish I could do that more consistently!!!!).

I just know it's so difficult. I can hypothesise about it until the cows come home, but it's so difficult when you're in the middle of it. Maybe Neil your problem has been so far that you have been challenging yourself, confronting your feared situations (eg in shopping centre with your fiancee), but have been subtly avoiding facing up to your fears by eg not staying in the shopping centre long enough before your anxiety decreased, or asking for too much reassurance from your fiancee.

You do hit it on the head when you say that it's tiring and drains you of enthusiasm and zest for life. That's why so many people suffer from OCD and depression I think.

Thanks for your comments Jenna. It's nice to get quick feedback when you pluck up the courage to write something on a discussion forum.

Craigy

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Guest dorris

being 18 and having had ocd for a number of years i can relate to many of the issues posted in this bulliten. however, since i have been diagnosed my parents have wanted me to give them as much insight into it as i can. i have so far been honest and tried my hardest and as i felt that my life was reflected in a few of the scinareos posted i felt obliged to show them the post to help them to understand the thoughts that go through my head. however, in my mums delight of me handing her the sheet with very which was very consise and thoughrow, she soon turned to unhappyness. when i asked her a few hours later if she had read it she acknowledged that she had but felt she needed to talk to me about it and shes now worried. fair enough i know its easier for someone with ocd to sit and read and make sense of it but she does not understand that i cant possibly sit and talk to her about it. i have a councillor and my psych for that but she feels as if she has to council me about the feelings and treat them herself. we get on really well but im so worried about letting people into my head and what i think that it was already a big step just to give her the paper, i cant talk about it allowed infront of my parents its too much at the moment. im just worried that if i dont talk to her about it she will ponder over the thoughts for a while and she will get increasingly worried.

i'm really not looking forward to talking to her about it as i dont know how to approach and explain my feelings to them because personally i dont want them to know

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Hi Dorris,

Firstly, well done for giving your mum the paper. Can you tell her you find it too difficult to discuss things with her maybe? Maybe if you explain to her that the thoughts themselves aren't really the problem but it's the way you respond to the thoughts that is; the OCD could focus on absolutely anything and the problem is never with the actual thing you think it is but with the way you are affected by it. Does that make sense?

It's great that your mum's so keen to help you and to learn about OCD - does she or you have any books on OCD? Also, she could use the Family & Friends section of the forum to talk to other parents and relatives etc of sufferers of OCD - they might be able to explain things to her.

Take care and try not to get too stressed over this - it really is such a good thing that your parents are supportive!

Rach xx

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Guest dorris

thanks a lot for replying so soon. yeh im so greatful for my parents being supportive and i know that they only want to help and in some ways they are more worried that they cant do anything to help me than anything else, but, i just feel like if im too open it will make me more worried and feel less in control. i will have a go at answering questions she has but unfortunatly that is as far as i will go at the moment. it takes a lot to be brutally honest for anyone about so many issues, ocd is just one that only the person understands and finds hard to talk about aloud.

she has read as many articles and information on ocd as possible but its not the easiest to actually make sense of as its so irational!

thanks again, d xxx

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