Why does it seem like it is easier for some people?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I feel like others have an easier time not ruminating, not checking/testing, not seeking reassurance. I am wondering why this is? Is it due to the amount of anxiety.... is it due to the insight into their condition? I just want to know how those who have been able to get past their OCD are able to and not struggle with it anymore?

I feel like when I have a few good minutes of clarity into my OCD... a thought comes in and makes me doubt again and feel all over like it is real and that it isn't OCD. How do I stay in this zone of not doing compulsions when these thoughts are so real and feel true?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Do I literally have to stop caring about the fear to be a pedo in order to get better?

[Guest Orwell1984]

Hi head above water- it used to be unbelievably hard for me. How I got over ruminating was by staying absolutely busy all of the time, being with people, having music or tv or something on whenever I was on my own to forcibly concentrate my attention onto something else, anything else but on inner analysis. I made things for myself to do and literally forced myself to do them. It was absolutely exhausting. Two weeks of this broke the back of it though. From then on I was naturally being more physically active and distraction became second nature. My mind still doubted and wanted me to analyse but I thought all analyses and intrusions are OCD so forced my attention onto other things. It is sometimes hard still but nowhere near as hard as it used to be. 'BrainLock' the book has helped me so much. Ok so have lists of things you want to do- tasks you want to try and complete. Eh sorting your wardrobe, purchasing Christmas presents. Do that online as it's too much overwhelming exposure Christmas shopping at the moment, aim to be outside and play with the dog or be in the garden or go on a walk for 30mins - just force yourself. Two weeks

[PolarBear]

You have to do the work. And keep doing it. It's not easy. It is real work.

Your biggest problem right now is you spend too much time asking questions on the forum, confessing and trying to solve questions in your head and not enough time working on overcoming OCD.

[Guest nervous]

I asked myself this question many many times as I sat lost in my thoughts and I only got worse and worse. Unfortunately the answer is one you already know, PB is right so often the solution is not as complicated as we make it. However being able to understand is a different story, back when I started doing CBT 2 years ago I read that the average time to get better was 5 months and I didn't think it would take that long, I am still working on it. I am now seeing improvement from my constant risk taking LOL. It takes acceptance and hard work. Mine is contamination based and in the beginning it was hard for me to imagine that taking all the little risks would ever add up to anything so I skipped a lot of them but with persistence you will see a change. I have to spend a lot of time taking risks, even the ones that seemingly won't matter and if I don't I slide backwards into more and more compulsions.

[Caramoole]

I feel like others have an easier time not ruminating, not checking/testing, not seeking reassurance. I am wondering why this is?

Unfortunately your feelings are common but not accurate. We have all made that same desperate journey (in one form or another) and had to face the same anxiety and distress as you are finding at the moment. We have all also made the same mistakes which is why people are trying to urge you in the right direction and away from the behaviours that are keeping you locked in.

This isn't a quick process, there isn't an easy or painless way out of it but there is a way forward.

You probably think that your OCD must be much worse than anyone else's, that no-one could possibly suffer and experience the fear you do....we've all secretly felt that as well at some stage. You probably feel people are being horrid and cruel and are awful for not answering those questions you feel will give you the answers to make this stop. That's because we know that by being drawn into assisting your compulsions will only worsen and lengthen this "stuck" period you're in at the moment.

You must work on the compulsions....stop making self-loathing statements about yourself, stop trying to work it out......Yep, you'll fail many times but you pick yourself up and start again....and again...and again and it will start to get easier.

[ACE]

I feel like others have an easier time not ruminating, not checking/testing, not seeking reassurance. I am wondering why this is? Is it due to the amount of anxiety.... is it due to the insight into their condition? I just want to know how those who have been able to get past their OCD are able to and not struggle with it anymore?

I feel like when I have a few good minutes of clarity into my OCD... a thought comes in and makes me doubt again and feel all over like it is real and that it isn't OCD. How do I stay in this zone of not doing compulsions when these thoughts are so real and feel true?

HAW I think it may be like Cara said that people who are stating they're coping or do cope much better are most likely in a better position with their OCD than what they were.I do understand where you're coming from as when you're so low as I was for so long I felt the same way saying well look how well he or she is coping,look at me why can't I do it?.They're very common questions and thoughts we do have.I think it's also the fact OCD as we know is so difficult really,I want to reassue you for e.g even me feeling a lot better now than I was for so long the same thing can still happen with me just like you a thought enters my mind &Bang it continues you trouble me&I say to myself why can't I get rid of this? Why am I still struggling with this? etc etc.I try I guess to say well just let the thought be and it will go away it eventually does but I can confess of course it is still very hard challenging &dealing with it even feeling much better&quite on top of things.

So I just wanted to let you know don't lose heart&Try to think of these things when you do have those thoughts of why is everyone dealing with their thoughts,ruminations much better than I am?I think you will be ablew to come up with the answers pretty easily hun :original: .

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Unfortunately your feelings are common but not accurate. We have all made that same desperate journey (in one form or another) and had to face the same anxiety and distress as you are finding at the moment. We have all also made the same mistakes which is why people are trying to urge you in the right direction and away from the behaviours that are keeping you locked in.

This isn't a quick process, there isn't an easy or painless way out of it but there is a way forward.

You probably think that your OCD must be much worse than anyone else's, that no-one could possibly suffer and experience the fear you do....we've all secretly felt that as well at some stage. You probably feel people are being horrid and cruel and are awful for not answering those questions you feel will give you the answers to make this stop. That's because we know that by being drawn into assisting your compulsions will only worsen and lengthen this "stuck" period you're in at the moment.

You must work on the compulsions....stop making self-loathing statements about yourself, stop trying to work it out......Yep, you'll fail many times but you pick yourself up and start again....and again...and again and it will start to get easier.

Thanks, Caramoole. I am working on it. Recently it has been really, really difficult and the thoughts have been constant. Changing all the time and only getting moments of clarity. I feel like sometimes I really don't know anymore if it is OCD or not but I know that I feel much better when I have clarity and can see the patterns and traps that OCD creates based on my fears. I trust that it was never really ''easier'' for anyone here... simply I see it as easier because there are people doing well that once had these same thoughts. I know I don't know how much they really struggled with them either and how much they went through to get better.

I constantly worry if I am a bad person and that I enjoy bad things and this is so far from who I always thought that I was but has become more and more real and concerning. I have been making self-loathing statements because these thoughts and how real they feel make me feel evil. Sorry for being such a pain recently. I know I need to take hold of my recovering and run with it. I just keep getting new doubts and new feelings like it could be true. I see that it is based on my fears but it doesn't make it feel any less real and I get thrown off course. So, thank you for reminding me that I need to keep working on it.

HAW I think it may be like Cara said that people who are stating they're coping or do cope much better are most likely in a better position with their OCD than what they were.I do understand where you're coming from as when you're so low as I was for so long I felt the same way saying well look how well he or she is coping,look at me why can't I do it?.They're very common questions and thoughts we do have.I think it's also the fact OCD as we know is so difficult really,I want to reassue you for e.g even me feeling a lot better now than I was for so long the same thing can still happen with me just like you a thought enters my mind &Bang it continues you trouble me&I say to myself why can't I get rid of this? Why am I still struggling with this? etc etc.I try I guess to say well just let the thought be and it will go away it eventually does but I can confess of course it is still very hard challenging &dealing with it even feeling much better&quite on top of things.

So I just wanted to let you know don't lose heart&Try to think of these things when you do have those thoughts of why is everyone dealing with their thoughts,ruminations much better than I am?I think you will be ablew to come up with the answers pretty easily hun :original: .

Thank you, ACE. Your advice has helped me to focus on the OCD and stop focusing on the thoughts. I know I have spent so much time trying to figure out what they say about me and now they start to feel like the real me. However, I know deep down that they aren't.... but all the doubt is just too much sometimes. I am in a really bad way at the moment, consistent thoughts from morning to night... and I am not working or able to distract myself too much at the moment. My husband is a great help to me but when he isn't around I find it really hard to not slip into ruminating and when new ''different'' thoughts come up... I find it REALLY hard.

Anyways, thanks again... as mad (heehee) as I was at everyone recently for not giving me reassurance... I know it is that you all are trying to help me out of the grips of OCD. So, I am thankful to you all.

[dksea]

It's completely understandable and not at all uncommon to feel like some struggles are easier for others, after all you experience such torment and yet others seem to be able to go about their lives without a problem. The key word there is "seem". We humans have an incredible capacity for hiding our problems from others. From my experiences with my own OCD issues that none of my friends ever guessed and from learning as I've gotten older the struggles friends have had that I never knew they had it's pretty clear that what we see vs what is going on can be quite different. Comparing ourselves to others based on our perception of their lack of problems vs the knowledge of our own dosnt do anyone any good. Instead what you should consider is this, every day thousands, possibly millions of people just like you and I struggle with and get ahead of their OCD. These people aren't Magic super heroes, they are normal people from all walks of life. As others have said, it IS hard work, but if you are willing to put in the time and effort it DOES work.

[dksea]

Do I literally have to stop caring about the fear to be a pedo in order to get better?

Basically yes. That doesn't mean you have to like the idea or decide that you ARE a pedophile. It means you have to accept that you have these intrusive thoughts about being a pedo that get stuck in your head because of OCD, and even though they are unpleasant they don't MEAN anything.

I understand the urge to want to fight these types of thoughts, that's a natural urge based on how much it conflicts with what you value. It's hard because OCD causes you to feel doubt and anxiety with the thought, which makes it feel like the thought is important and you have to fight it or else it will be true. As much as you may think that way, you have to resist goi down that path because, again, the thought doesn't MEAN anything.

It's understandable and normal to not want the thought. Unfortunately the nature of the way the brain works means you can't make the thought just stop and vanish. You can't erase your memory like a computer. The thought may keep happening, and that's not ideal, but when you stop reacting to it as if it mattered, the less it will stick around. Overtime your brain will get bored of the thought, I've experienced it myself, I have things that used to cause me great anxiety that have faded into the background. It absolutely works and you can do it.

Right now you basically have two choices, you can keep trying the same approach over and over of reassurance seeking, and trying to use compulsions to make the thought go away, an approach that I can guarantee will result in the same suffering it always has OR you can try a different approach, one that yes, does require you to take on some level of discomfort up front, but will pay off overtime. It requires a conscious effort and a leap of faith in the approach and in yourself. Think of it like excercise, the first few days/weeks/etc you may feel exhausted and in pain, but as you build up your CBT muscles as it were you will find the things that used to knock you down really aren't so tough anymore. Why not take that chance?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Basically yes. That doesn't mean you have to like the idea or decide that you ARE a pedophile. It means you have to accept that you have these intrusive thoughts about being a pedo that get stuck in your head because of OCD, and even though they are unpleasant they don't MEAN anything.

I understand the urge to want to fight these types of thoughts, that's a natural urge based on how much it conflicts with what you value. It's hard because OCD causes you to feel doubt and anxiety with the thought, which makes it feel like the thought is important and you have to fight it or else it will be true. As much as you may think that way, you have to resist goi down that path because, again, the thought doesn't MEAN anything.

It's understandable and normal to not want the thought. Unfortunately the nature of the way the brain works means you can't make the thought just stop and vanish. You can't erase your memory like a computer. The thought may keep happening, and that's not ideal, but when you stop reacting to it as if it mattered, the less it will stick around. Overtime your brain will get bored of the thought, I've experienced it myself, I have things that used to cause me great anxiety that have faded into the background. It absolutely works and you can do it.

Right now you basically have two choices, you can keep trying the same approach over and over of reassurance seeking, and trying to use compulsions to make the thought go away, an approach that I can guarantee will result in the same suffering it always has OR you can try a different approach, one that yes, does require you to take on some level of discomfort up front, but will pay off overtime. It requires a conscious effort and a leap of faith in the approach and in yourself. Think of it like excercise, the first few days/weeks/etc you may feel exhausted and in pain, but as you build up your CBT muscles as it were you will find the things that used to knock you down really aren't so tough anymore. Why not take that chance?

Thanks, dksea. I completely understand what you are saying. At the moment I am really working on it. I just had a huge spike that lead to a very intense groinal response that made me think I was going to masturbate.... however, at the same time I know I am not attracted to kids so I knew that I needed (no matter how difficult it is to cope with the anxiety and the groinal response) to sit with it until it went away (without doing compulsions, ruminating or reassurance seeking). I still have a slight groinal response but I expect that as I ignore these things they might get more intense and I might get even more anxiety because I am not doing any kind of compulsion to get rid of it. Is that right? Should it get worse first?

Anyways, I appreciate all of your advice. I really am starting to take it on board. I hope I can stay on track this time because I do want a better life for myself and my husband and I want to live an anxiety/OCD free life without these doubts and thoughts causing so many problems. I know that means I have to put in the work first before it will get better.

Edited December 19, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Guest Tricia]

Yes, it is easier for some than for others. I disagree with anyone who says it's the same for all of us. Addictions also vary in intensity. I recall a well known psychiatrist telling people to stop judging George Best, adding that no one can know whether his addiction was just too great to overcome.

Obviously, I am not saying an addiction is the same as an obsession, nor am I saying you won't be able to overcome your fear, because it's likely with a great deal of therapy you will. I'm just answering your question.

Even with one individual, a particular obsession may be harder to deal with than another.

[Caramoole]

Yes, it is easier for some than for others. I disagree with anyone who says it's the same for all of us

I appreciate that you have a very tough time and have struggled to make any progress but a great many people do, particularly those who haven't struggled for decades. It is important to help them apply methods that do usually have beneficial effect.

I think the title of this thread shows a person who is in the midst of an OCD onslaught and making the mistake that all of us have done at some time mid-attack, that somehow theirs must be different or worse because they can't make it stop. This is very, very common. I think the important thing is to try and help and support HAW through this current crisis and hopefully out of the other side with a useful skill under her belt. Many people do gain control over OCD especially with early intervention, understanding and help.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I appreciate that you have a very tough time and have struggled to make any progress but a great many people do, particularly those who haven't struggled for decades. It is important to help them apply methods that do usually have beneficial effect.

I think the title of this thread shows a person who is in the midst of an OCD onslaught and making the mistake that all of us have done at some time mid-attack, that somehow theirs must be different or worse because they can't make it stop. This is very, very common. I think the important thing is to try and help and support HAW through this current crisis and hopefully out of the other side with a useful skill under her belt. Many people do gain control over OCD especially with early intervention, understanding and help.

Thank you, Caramoole. I know I have beat many obsessions (or at least many have also faded away and I could see their false nature) in the past 15 years of dealing with OCD. This one seems to be throwing all of the tricks, doubts, questions, feelings and urges at me and I am constantly having to ward off the next thought. I know it is also my fault that it got so bad and became so real for being stuck in a cycle of ruminating, testing, checking and reassurance seeking for the past 8 months. I am still quite confused and struggling to see it all as OCD but I know I didn't have these thoughts before this fear came along. I also see how it is constantly changing patterns to catch me off guard. I have faith (although only a tiny bit at the moment) that it will get better. I know I have gotten better before and despite how difficult this theme is for me, I am not going to give up on fighting OCD.

What will be the useful skill that I will have under my belt if I may ask, Caramoole?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Yes, it is easier for some than for others. I disagree with anyone who says it's the same for all of us. Addictions also vary in intensity. I recall a well known psychiatrist telling people to stop judging George Best, adding that no one can know whether his addiction was just too great to overcome.

Obviously, I am not saying an addiction is the same as an obsession, nor am I saying you won't be able to overcome your fear, because it's likely with a great deal of therapy you will. I'm just answering your question.

Even with one individual, a particular obsession may be harder to deal with than another.

I do agree, Tricia that not everyone is the same and that it is easier for some than others. It depends on a variety of factors including life influences, the strength of self to get better, etc. I know some obsessions that I have had that I thought were VERY difficult at the time are NOTHING compared to this. This is my worst fear and that is why it is harder to get past.

[Caramoole]

What will be the useful skill that I will have under my belt if I may ask, Caramoole?

I wasn't being specific as such....just that in working your way through this current episode you probably will learn certain things/skills/ideas that will help in the future.

I know some obsessions that I have had that I thought were VERY difficult at the time are NOTHING compared to this. This is my worst fear and that is why it is harder to get past.

It's an odd condition and funny how we can all vary so much. I've often found the opposite true as well....that it's been the much more minor ones that have been more troublesome. The "big" ones have been more identifiable, easier to learn about, recognise and apply methods to....it's been the sneaky ones that have not been obvious to recognise that have caused me just as much trouble

Horrible, sneaky condition

[gingerbreadgirl]

Can I be nosy and ask what your main themes are caramoole?

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

Can I be nosy and ask what your main themes are caramoole?

I second that inquiry... What types of ''smaller'' obsessions bother you more than things like Harm/POCD?

Edited December 19, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Caramoole]

Can I be nosy and ask what your main themes are caramoole?

How long have you got GBG? :lol:

Over the years I've had loads. First and instigating episode was fear of harming family, particularly stabbing. Had dozens of variations of this involving countless things....elderly, children, pets, random strangers....poisoning people (actually left a job), fear of losing control and disrupting things like funerals, loads of driving ones///again harm or self related, gay fears, paedophile fears, relationship, health, checking......the whole gambit really which shows that "the type" isn't really the issue...OCD per se is. Bear in mind I had this for 20 years before a diagnosis or telling a soul....so the OCD flitted from one theme to another randomly.

What types of ''smaller'' obsessions bother you more than things like Harm/POCD?

This is much harder to explain and is still a work in progress. Once I learned about OCD I could identify the big themes, vile and scary as they were and put the theory into practise. But I still have an obsessive brain that has worked this way for 40 years, it's got used to behaving this way and there are anxieties that arise over much more minor, everyday things that I've come to appreciate that my mind tries to handle in an OCD way. They're not of a nature that offers typical exposure opportunities.....I just have to use the "If it feels like OCD" approach to recognise them at all, which is why to me it proves to be a much more cunning enemy.....I guess it's decades of faulty thinking

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

How long have you got GBG? :lol:

Over the years I've had loads. First and instigating episode was fear of harming family, particularly stabbing. Had dozens of variations of this involving countless things....elderly, children, pets, random strangers....poisoning people (actually left a job), fear of losing control and disrupting things like funerals, loads of driving ones///again harm or self related, gay fears, paedophile fears, relationship, health, checking......the whole gambit really which shows that "the type" isn't really the issue...OCD per se is. Bear in mind I had this for 20 years before a diagnosis or telling a soul....so the OCD flitted from one theme to another randomly.

This is much harder to explain and is still a work in progress. Once I learned about OCD I could identify the big themes, vile and scary as they were and put the theory into practise. But I still have an obsessive brain that has worked this way for 40 years, it's got used to behaving this way and there are anxieties that arise over much more minor, everyday things that I've come to appreciate that my mind tries to handle in an OCD way. They're not of a nature that offers typical exposure opportunities.....I just have to use the "If it feels like OCD" approach to recognise them at all, which is why to me it proves to be a much more cunning enemy.....I guess it's decades of faulty thinking

I can understand that. I do have smaller obsessions that I still can't completely let go of, though I have stopped many compulsions revolving around them. And I can see (at least at the moment) that the theme really doesn't matter because I have also had many obsessions. I always had the fear that something horrible would happen to my family, like me or my mom would get murdered or my dad would die in a car crash. I had health obsessions and fears of becoming deformed. With these I had mostly physical compulsions. Then I had HOCD, fear of getting cancer, aids, fear my husband doesn't love me or would leave me for someone else or that he would die in a car crash/plane crash... and then it led into this bout of sexual obsessions with smaller fears of beastiality, a BIG fear that I was sexually attracted to my parents (specifically my mom) and now the WORST obsession: POCD. So, I know I need to work on the behaviors because once this theme is gone another will surely try to take its place.

Thanks for sharing, Caramoole. That was helpful.

Edited December 19, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Caramoole]

I always had the fear that something horrible would happen to my family, like me or my mom would get murdered or my dad would die in a car crash

I'd forgotten these types......had loads of variations on this type of thing as well

[Guest nervous]

I second that inquiry... What types of ''smaller'' obsessions bother you more than things like Harm/POCD?

I know this might not be appreciated right now but the theme is not that important when dealing with ocd? You are going to have some obsessions that are small and some that bigger and frightening. If you can step out of your theme and realize the obsession you can be on the way to recovery. The implications that ocd will try and frighten us with will continue to get worse until we can no longer ignore it regardless of your obsession.

Last night I woke in the middle of the night with OCD nightmares. The last one involved people dying because of careless contamination, someone else might have laughed at my dreams but to me I couldn't go back to sleep I got up and began doing compulsions to try and prevent a disaster. Eventually I stopped myself and came downstairs put out a towel on the floor and just stayed in one spot until I could see clearly again.

The potential for ocd to distort perception is staggering and we can't underestimate our enemy, accept that and you are less likely to fall into it's trap

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I know this might not be appreciated right now but the theme is not that important when dealing with ocd? You are going to have some obsessions that are small and some that bigger and frightening. If you can step out of your theme and realize the obsession you can be on the way to recovery. The implications that ocd will try and frighten us with will continue to get worse until we can no longer ignore it regardless of your obsession.

Last night I woke in the middle of the night with OCD nightmares. The last one involved people dying because of careless contamination, someone else might have laughed at my dreams but to me I couldn't go back to sleep I got up and began doing compulsions to try and prevent a disaster. Eventually I stopped myself and came downstairs put out a towel on the floor and just stayed in one spot until I could see clearly again.

The potential for ocd to distort perception is staggering and we can't underestimate our enemy, accept that and you are less likely to fall into it's trap

sorry, I meant no offense. I know that the theme is not important. Although it never feels that way when we are in the midst of an obsession. Today I can see that much more clearly than the past few days. I know that it is all OCD no matter the theme. I hope you understand that I was not implying that. I guess I should have worded it much better.

[Guest HeadAboveWater]

I'd forgotten these types......had loads of variations on this type of thing as well

Yeah, those were the thoughts that started it all. I think they were triggered by real fears, as well. As someone threatened to kill my mom when I was quite young and I was constantly afraid of going to Kindergarten because I thought she would not come back and pick me up because she would be dead. I still believe this was the beginning of all of these obsessive thoughts and fears and all of the compulsive controlling behaviors. It didn't get REALLY bad with all the other themes until I was 15. The problem is that it just got worse and worse and finally now I am seeking help.

Edited December 19, 2014 by HeadAboveWater

[Guest nervous]

sorry, I meant no offense. I know that the theme is not important. Although it never feels that way when we are in the midst of an obsession. Today I can see that much more clearly than the past few days. I know that it is all OCD no matter the theme. I hope you understand that I was not implying that. I guess I should have worded it much better.

Don't worry I wasn't offended, actually I was worried I might offend you. Tone can be hard to imply in posts. :original: I only wanted to point out that we can get pulled into the obsession and believe that it is the cause of the pain. When my ocd started I did checking and it was mild, I didn't know it was ocd at the time as it got worse it changed to contamination and it became severe. Sometimes I find myself wishing I only had checking because back then it wasn't as bad and I couldn't imagine such tragic consequences but in reality if the theme had never changed my ocd would still be as severe and my checking would be causing me all this distress. OCD can always come up with something ridiculous but in our minds totally plausible worry.

Let your head rest today, maybe we can all realize that we are thinking about these thoughts too much.

Edited December 19, 2014 by nervous