Obsession about the OCD itself

[Guest A_nna]

Hey,

As I already said in the Introduction part of the forum I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 11. This is 14 years ago now. 2 days before I signed up for a clinical OCD and animal phobia treatment . And now since yesterday evening I'm not sure anymore if I'm really suffered from OCD. I'm obsessed from the idea that I don't have real OCD and I lied to the physicians now. This this obsession comes to my mind I spend nearly all my time in thinking about if I have OCD or not. What makes me being uncertain is that I don't feel a real anxiety if I do something thats related to the OCD. Most time I feel just disgust. And really most of the time I avoid all behavior that could make me feel worse. So I don't really know what would happen if I would not avoid the things. And I don't want to loose my "safety" by trying it.

So is what if feel and think now part of my OCD or do I really don't have OCD?

I even worrying about having a personality disorder like borderline or a histrionic personality disorder. I don't know if that makes sense or is just stupid. I find me in many symptoms of that disorders. Especially of the histrionic p. disorder. So now I'm very afraid of having a personality disorder as my real problem instead of OCD and being at the wrong unit in hospital then.

So now I would like to hear what others thing . Is this OCD or not?

Anna

(Hopefully you understand what I mean . Some words I looked up in a dictionary because I'm not a native speaker. So hopefully I choosed the right ones)

[Symps07]

Hey A_nna,

You say that you are obsessing about not having OCD, kinda sounds like obsessive behaviour to me & you constant questioning sounds like rumination :-)

If you are really worried about this, could you not go through how you are feeling with your therapist.

[Guest ADD]

Doesn't matter if the consequence of your triggers is anxiety or disgust or guilt or simply feeling bad. You have triggers that make you feel emotions you don't want to feel and then perform compulsions or avoidances to escape those feelings or thoughts and feelings together.

That's something I had to learn cause there is too much emphasis all the time on the feeling of anxiety only! I've often questioned my ocd cause of that and not relating enough to what everyone else talks about of feeling so much anxiety and questioning if things are true or not. Most of the time for me my triggers don't make me question anything, they simply make me feel horrible and I want to escape those feelings! Though the possibility of having those feelings does cause me anxiety over my fear of those feelings, so anxiety is secondary to them.

Either way, you can habituate and desensitize so you're no longer affected as badly and not afraid of those emotions so much.

[Guest A_nna]

Thank you for your replies.

@ Symps07 : unluckily I can't talk to my therapists because I have one at this moment . It did my prereg year in pharmacy last year and were moving around in my country a lot . So I could have a therapist at that time . The one I had before is now working in an hospital and is noch available anymore. I thought about visiting a psychiater but I need to wait 6 weeks just for one talk. Seems to be a bit to long.

@ADD : its good to hear that I'm not the only one whose triggers doesn't cause anxiety . I thought about mine again and strong trigger puts me in anxiety but only these ones . So I should probably not more worry about it better be happy that I don't feel anxiety with not so strong triggers .

But I'm always a bit afraid that I'm not ill ebough for a clinical treatment . Which I thought till yesterday would be most helpful for me. Its little stupid to worry that you could be to healthy .

I don't think I'm health but doesn't matter . I will just wait and see what happens .