Very very confused about about where I go from here

[Kitty Kay]

Hello everyone.

So apparently I have had a breakdown. And now I don't know where to go from here. I can't stop all my work so I am just doing the bare minimum but it is a massive struggle because I feel completely splintered, and I have to continue with the day-to-day decision making in the midst of exhaustion and mental chaos. I have been prescribed a bit of diazepam, but it is an exceptionally short-term solution. My parents' are looking after my son for now and my boyfriend is staying with me for a few days.

I am in pieces, and will have to find a way to put myself back together for my son. Right now I am baffled by questions that people keep asking me. This forum became a very frightening place and I want to push through that because it has helped me a lot in the past and I don't want to run away from it.

Apparently I have become very ill, but I don't quite understand that.

I am very very frightened and confused, and just don't know what I am meant to be doing. This crash has come from a place of feeling strong and resilient, but that feels like a weird memory now.

xx

[Guest legend]

More CBT kitty !! Has that been offered ?

[Kitty Kay]

I can't, Legend. Not sure if you read the other thread - I don't think it's an option.

[Guest legend]

Why ?

[Kitty Kay]

I can't explain here, it's too frightening. It all unravelled in Lucylia's, and my last thread.

[Guest legend]

OK

[Guest lizinlondon]

Being ill is very frightening. I feel very vulnerable, scared and often confused. It is natural. Try to take it easy on yourself. You will heal with the right help, it just takes time x

[Caramoole]

So apparently I have had a breakdown

Apparently I have become very ill, but I don't quite understand that.

Hi Kitty

I don't know if that is a diagnosis from the Doctor (and I certainly don't want to contradict anyone) but the term "Breakdown" is a quite old-fashioned one. By that it's suggested that we don't breakdown as such....as in nothing has happened to our brain, it's not an organic illness.....it's more that we just become completely over-sensitized by acute anxiety symptoms, stress hormones/chemicals and suddenly everything seems too much...so we sort of shut down to cope.

I don't want to trivialise it at all.....I've had more than one or two over the decades. Because of that I often wondered what is the point at which we breakdown....and it's just when we seem overloaded with anxiety. The truth is though that nothing has broken as such, you are still the same person as you were on Friday, you've just become very, very afraid

And now I don't know where to go from here.

You carry on Take the help from your parents, be kind to yourself, rest....but carry on to the best of your ability...making a meal, washing your hair, putting the washing in, getting out of bed, whatever you can.

Sometimes I worry about making a post like this because I don't want to appear for one second as unsympathetic, quite the opposite, I know exactly how you feel......but life and experience has taught me to handle it differently than I did in the past....and yep, it's a rocky, tough road for a while. You've been battered, bruised and are probably bewildered and exhausted.....but you're not broken, honestly :hug:

You will be alright, I promise.

Caramoole

[Kitty Kay]

Thank you, Liz and Caramoole.

I agree I have to keep going, I don't have a choice. But my parents and boyfriend keep talking to me about accessing therapy. Do you think it is unreasonable, under the circumstances (which I won't talk about again now) that I am frightened by the prospect?

I also realise that there is an element of trauma to my memories. Not sure what to do about that.

Edited October 20, 2014 by Kitty Kay

[Guest lizinlondon]

Of course it is okay to be frightened. I put off getting help for ages but I wish I had gone sooner. My OCD is linked with trauma. I would say to be brave and get the help you need.

[PolarBear]

Kitty, Caramoole is absolutely right. You went through a sort of mental trauma and you shut down. Today is not the day to be talking about going to counseling. Maybe tomorrow or the next day you can start thinking about that.

What you need to do is take care of yourself and let others help you in that regard. Get plenty of sleep. Eat regularly. Try to do some things you enjoy. Overall, slow down. Let yourself slow down for a bit to heal from the trauma.

The problem will still exist in a day or two and you can begin to tackle that in due course. In the mean time a nice big, hot bubble bath can do wonders.