Jump to content

Someone in the house doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet


Guest imthinking

Recommended Posts

Guest imthinking

What would you do?

I found out by accident. Since then, I can't help but rewash all the stuff he has touched in the kitchen. I do worry about the things he might have touched while I'm away as well. I think this part of it is OCD at work though.

I'm so disgusted and worried about eating anything contaminated with urine.

I'm a hygiene freak when it comes to food. Sometimes I think I take precaution measures to avoid contamination with urine and make sure my food is safe to eat but sometimes I also think OCD is exacerbating the risks.

Link to comment

I definitely had that problem in grad school with roommates who did that. One way you can manage is to wash your own hands after doing certain things but just try to live with how your housemate is touching things -- say it's a contamination I can take, I am strong.

Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

my last therapist was a man and he said most men don't was their hands after urinating. i don't know how true it is but it is something we can't control and have to learn to live with it. i find the idea hard to live with but I try not to think about it.

Link to comment

I also find it hard to live with this problem, but as liz has just said i try to not think about it!

It's astonishing as well the amount of women i notice who don't wash their hands i see when i have to use public toilets,and then they just carry on with their shopping!

Link to comment
Guest imthinking

I'm convinced that if most people are doing something it doesn't necessarily make it the right thing. I know I can't change people's habits though. Arghhh. It's hard to ignore especially after seeing it myself.

I'm trying not to develop a habit of washing things twice but when I see dirty hands touching my food or shared kitchen utensils it's impossible to ignore the urge to rewash them. I'm also trying to keep it logical as OCD is taking any chance to latch onto these thoughts ( if it hasn't already )

Link to comment
Guest imthinking

PolarBear, do you think the whole thing is OCD?

I wouldn't rewash things if I lived with people who wash their hands after urinating.

I've seen OCD-free people who don't like other people to touch their food and wouldn't buy an ice cream or sandwich unless the person handling/preparing it is wearing gloves.

Link to comment

I see where you're coming from, imthinking. I don't much appreciate the thought of people using the washroom, not washing their hands, and then preparing food. There's just something wrong with that.

Could this be a non-OCD issue? Sure. Then again, why did you post about it on an OCD forum?

I guess what you need to look at is how much distress does all of this cause you? Is it just a matter of washing a few things and that's it? Or do you have to rewash things again and again because you don't believe they are clean enough? If this isn't stressing you out too much and it's all solved with a quick wash, then it's not really a problem, whether it has its roots in OCD or not.

Of course, you could always impress upon your roommate that he should wash his hands after using the washroom.

Link to comment
Guest imthinking

I do rewash things in a certain way two times so I think I'm developing compulsions to lessen the anxiety.

Part of me also thinks a lot of people find it disgusting don't blame OCD. I'm trying to strike a balance between washing contaminated things and avoiding compulsions. If the issue is purely OCD I'm not sure if it will let me do that. I don't like it when people see me and think I'm an OCDer.

I see where you're coming from, imthinking.

Just out of curiosity, how did you know

Link to comment

What would you do?

I found out by accident. Since then, I can't help but rewash all the stuff he has touched in the kitchen. I do worry about the things he might have touched while I'm away as well. I think this part of it is OCD at work though.

I'm so disgusted and worried about eating anything contaminated with urine.

I'm a hygiene freak when it comes to food. Sometimes I think I take precaution measures to avoid contamination with urine and make sure my food is safe to eat but sometimes I also think OCD is exacerbating the risks.

Funnily enough I have had the same conversation with my friend this week. My Dad does not wash his hands I suspect when he uses the toilet, and I am not totally sure he is always on target either. I no longer live at home, but this may be an issue for me because of my OCD when I invite him to come and stay with me for a weekend later this year.

On one hand I made the excuse not enough room, I should put him up in a hotel. But on the other hand I know deep down it's my OCD saying that, and I should invite him to stay and face the OCD head on.

I asked my friend because she does have OCD but intrusive thoughts no contamination problems so I asked her if her Dad missed the toilet and she walked in barefoot and trod in his wet urine what would she do? She said she would not like it, but other than wipe her foot she would not wash it. So I guess that is the benchmark I have to set for myself, and I think you need to adopt a similar challenge too imthinking.

It's not pleasant, but we cant live out life afraid of the OCD.

Link to comment
Guest imthinking

Same here. My dad doesn't wash his hands too. I only visit him and don't usually stay for a long period. I told my sister (she's OCD-free) about it before posting on here and she said she would give it a quick wash but wouldn't worry about it too much. She said it would not be on top of her mind when she uses the kitchen.

The only uncertainty in this situation is whether contamination with small traces of urine would have harmful effects on health in the long term. I don't want to start googling that as I've read before on this forum that it worsens OCD.

So learning to live with the uncertainty as in many aspects of my life ..

Link to comment

imthinking, you are stuck in a cognitive distortion called overestimated threat. You are giving an exaggerated estimate of the severity and/or likelihood of a highly undesirable outcome coming about. Urine is urine. It's not a death sentence.

Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

Try to stop thinking about it and work towards acceptance. We are in the same boat, we don't like it, but we have to learn to live with it without reacting to it. Washing is not needed. The most harmful thing in this picture is the OCD!

Link to comment
Guest Adam Samson

as a recovered ocd sufferer i'd make them do it again, deliberately

Hello Legend,

I suspect you're right but I'm struggling to accept this. If it were just a case of small quantities of harmless urine or faeces getting on to the food, then I think I could eventually learn to live with that thought. But if someone doesn't wash his hands he may transmit bacteria that cause diarrhea or nasty viruses on to your food. Where do you draw the line between taking a risk and acting wisely to protect yourself? Someone in my household cleans the toilet with toilet duck and then goes to the kitchen to prepare food without washing her hands. Getting toilet duck in my mouth horrifies me. The label says; "If ingested, may cause irritation to mouth, throat and stomach. May cause abdominal discomfort." The person who does often complains of indigestion, nausea, tiredness, and various aches & pains. In my mind I have associated the two things as cause and effect.

Link to comment
Guest imthinking

Where do you draw the line between taking a risk and acting wisely to protect yourself?

Exactly. This is what I'm trying to figure out. I don't want to treat OCD and end up having all sorts of health problems later on.

Link to comment

Exactly. This is what I'm trying to figure out. I don't want to treat OCD and end up having all sorts of health problems later on.

This is a huge struggle for me too.

But right away one of the first things that jumps out is "what if" thinking. Which, sadly, is another cognitive distortion I struggle with. As a result, the next thought I'd have is "what if I'm being negligent by not addressing the issue" - now mushrooming into "what if" thinking, hyper responsibility, catastrophizing. And it grows from there.

Back when I was washing my hands a lot I spent a LOT of time in bathrooms. And I mean a lot - just going to pee took ages because of the hand washing. The frightening reality is that many, many people walk in, pee or whatever, walk out, and proceed to touch things and it's very common. I think it's disgusting (one of the harder things to address when it comes to OCD) and I worry about catching things. But, as a balancing thought there would be no way I would have known they don't watch their hands had I not been there to witness them leaving without doing so. Stepping back from the situation and looking at it from the outside, my thoughts about it are causing me the fear. The fear wasn't there when I didn't know and assumed they did wash their hands. I was none the wiser (and perhaps better off for it) but the reality was the same. They didn't wash whether I witnessed it or not. So now I've seen it and have these thoughts. But the feelings associated with the thoughts are not going to harm me. They are uncomfortable as all hell, but the feelings themselves are something to ride out.

I don't know if what I've described makes sense or not.

Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

If there is doubt you know it's OCD. Deep down we know if it is safe to not wash things a person who does not wash their hands touches. Deep down we know if it is safe to eat something if someone touches it after using a toilet cleaning product. Deep down we know the risk, we knew the risk when we were little kids and we know now.

But we don't listen to the knowledgable, rational side of ourselves. Instead we listen to the fearful, irrational side of ourselves and then proceed to torture ourselves with "what ifs" and "maybes". This is OCD.

Link to comment
Guest Adam Samson

Thank you PaulM and Liz for your comments. But aren't some "what if" questions useful? If I got bitten by a mad dog when on holiday abroad, surely it would only be sensible to ask myself "What if that dog has rabies?" and "What if I've never been vaccinated?"

Deep down we know if it is safe to eat something if someone touches it after using a toilet cleaning product.

I honestly don't know deep down this is safe. If it really were safe, why does the manufacturer put health & safety warnings on the label? An active chemical in toilet bowl cleaner is hydrochloric acid. This is corrosive to the skin and toxic if ingested. It causes eye irritation, kidney damage, and irritation to your respiratory tract if inhaled. If you swallow it you may begin to vomit, experience pulmonary oedema, or even go into a coma. Another chemical in some toilet cleaning products is sodium hypochlorite. It is estimated that there are about 3300 accidents needing hospital treatment caused by sodium hypochlorite solutions each year in British homes. (I have to know this stuff because I work in a medical research centre and it is part of my job to obtain health & safety guidance from manufacturers about the handling of laboratory chemicals.)

So I'm very nervous about not re-washing crockery in my household before I use it.

Edited by Adam Samson
Link to comment

The world can be dirty and unsafe. We all have to weigh up all sorts of risks and 'what ifs' day in, day out, and how we choose to tolerate each individual risk is our own choice. The choice between running a small risk of a big undesired consequence and the probable risk of living in a bubble of mental torment all the time is up to the individual. Sometimes we need to let go of our values a little in order to be free. It's very hard to give up your compulsions if at the back of your head you truly believe they are necessary. And of course the longer you carry them out for the harder it is to give them up.

Of course I understand that once a fear has become deeply ingrained in the individual then choice becomes incredibly difficult.

Edited by Franklin12
Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

It comes down to educated, calculated risks. If I drank a cup of toilet cleaner fluid then that risk I would not take. Touching the bottle and getting a microscopic amount on my hand, then eating a sandwich is a.risk I would take. A microscopic amount will not harm me.

When we think of risk we take sensible risks based on factual evidence. OCD makes a small risk seem like a.life or death situation. This is a thinking error they teach us in CBT.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...