First ever post in a forum, OCD sufferer, Battery problems

[worrysmith]

Hello

Basically I've been a sufferer of OCD since my childhood, and it has changed and evolved over the years, going from hand washing to intrusive thoughts and so on.

One of my main worries has always been battery acid, I get an intense fear of batteries leaking in something and i'm always checking. When I used to live at my parents my Dad had a hand radio which had once had leaky batteries in them, and when I saw my dad pick it up once it sent me into an induced fear of touching anything at home or touching my parents. Like the entire house was contaminated, I had CBT therapy and I managed to get as close as shaking my Dad's hand and carrying a battery around in my pocket but no further.

I work for an IT company, and yesterday when I was at work I saw an old remote control that was used for one of the TV screens, but they haven't been used in years, So because of my OCD I was convinced that the batteries in there will be leaky, so I checked one handed, and sure enough they were leaking, with white powder and brown liquid, I left the room with my other hand and washed my hands. I returned and told my colleague that the batteries in this old remote I found were leaking and asked whether we should deal with it, and he said ok and walked up to the remote, he opened the back and tried to get the batteries out, but couldn't, so he used his house/car keys to prise the batteries out, he threw the batteries in the bin and then used some paper towels to wipe the gunk out of the battery and put the paper towels in the bin, he then went and left the room to wash his hands, and as we are in a secure room we have to use swipe cards to get in and out. I just felt the entire room was contaminated so he comes back from the toilet and I leave the room, feeling my hands are contaminated because I touched the same door handle he did, so I went to the toilet and washed my hands, and then I went to the security guard and told him about the leaking batteries, and he said he would get them out of the bin and put them in the battery box as it may be a hazard. So I take him in the room and he gets the batteries out and I see his sleeve near the paper towel in the bin that has the gunk on, and that's it. But now I feel like everything at work is contaminated, the mice the keyboards that my colleague touches and I have to touch too as they are shared computers, I'm trying to make sure he doesn't touch my mouse at the moment. So because I feel like everything is so contaminated I feel being in my work environment makes my clothes contaminated and so I'll feel my car is contaminated when I get in, my flat will feel contaminated when i'm home... it builds and builds, using my swipe card, using my work equipment, meeting a girl and touching them.

The thing is, I know nothing bad can really happen, I just have this intense feeling of unease, the only positive thing is that now I feel I can go to my parents and touch anything and not feel contaminated, as now it doesn't seem to matter.

I'm currently on the waiting list to start CBT again

Has anybody else had problems with batteries? Or does anybody have any opinions on the situation I described? Thanks to anyone who has read this

[Guest Tricia]

Welcome to the forum.

I know many people share your worry. I'm uneasy about batteries, but it's not high on my list of concerns.

I'm sure others with the same obsession will soon write.

You did so well to face all that and I am hopeful the 'exposure' will help you.

[Guest lizinlondon]

As you know you have a form of contamination OCD. I have this problem too, but not about battery acid. I know exactly what you mean about the contamination travelling and it is very painful and anxiety provoking.

You are right to refresh your CBT skills.

In the meantime, you need to try not to engage with or react to these thoughts about contamination. Let the thoughts come and go and believe me, if you ignore them they will eventually go, although it may take some time.

Recognise that these thoughts do not represent reality.

Do relaxation and breathing exercises. Try http://www.freemindfulness.org

Distract yourself from these thoughts by doing something meaningful and enoyable.

I know how distressing this feels, you have come to the right place for support, good luck!

[PolarBear]

Don't be too concerned if you can't find someone with your exact OCD theme. OCD comes in many different themes. They all have commonalities, however. We all get intrusive, unwanted thoughts (obsessions), distress caused by the thoughts and we perform compulsions to try and alleviate the distress.

Like any type of contamination OCD, your disorder is overblowing the danger posed by a battery or two. This is very common and applies to basically any kind of contamination theme.

What you need to do is learn to accept and live with the distress caused by your obsession about batteries without performing compulsions. Washing your hands excessively is a compulsion. Avoiding mice touched by someone who wash their hands after handling batteries is a compulsion. You need to resist the temptation to peform these compulsions and just sit with the anxiety. It will go down on its own. Anxiety doesn't remain forever and it won't hurt you. It can feel awful but it will pass.

[worrysmith]

First of all can I just say how moved I am by you guys actually taking the time to read and reply to my post, it means alot to me.

You all make great points, I think polarbear made a good point saying I'm 'overblowing the danger posed by a battery or two' because to me, it feels like a legitimate danger, because it can cause burns etc, and I was doing Google search after Google search hoping to find that it is not so bad, but they wasn't reassuring to say the least, so I dunno, I should never have checked the remote, I just needed to know the batteries weren't leaking, but then when I saw they were I didn't know what to do, and then my colleague wasn't concerned at all, using his keys to prise them out.

It is strange that after this all my fears have disappeared about my parents house, I guess it is exposure therapy in a sense. But it's now a bigger threat to me as I can't control it, I'm back at work on Wednesday for a night shift, and I'm really worried about how it's going to go, because colleagues will have been touching everything and I'll be scared to even sit in the chair... But it's unavoidable, I have to do it, I have to do my job.

There was something else I wanted to say but I've forgotten! Thanks Lizinlondon I will check the link.

[PolarBear]

Google is not kind to OCD sufferers. Googling symptoms and concerns can quickly turn into a compulsion. You end up doing it endlessly and it doesn't really alleviate your concerns.

The best thing you can do at the moment is what you said, continue on with your life and your work and just do it. Yes, you will be concerned about contamination but the anxiety you feel won't hurt you. It will pass on it's own.

Good luck.

[taurean]

Welcome worrysmith.

My OCD - although of a different type - seeks to blow things up out or proportion, so realising that it is doing that, is the correct way forward.

Now, just another observation - your choice of pseudonym suggests that you have other concerns to this one? I find as I trawl the forum that many of us with OCD also are worriers, and may additionally have another anxiety-inducing issue in their way of thinking.

I used to worry about all sorts of things, but I found self-help material that enabled me to tackle it.

I do also suffer from exageration, negative bias and personalisation of things that actually aren't anything to do with me, so i have to work manage these too.

[worrysmith]

Yeah I must be blowing it out of proportion, but it doesn't feel like that in my head, and I have this guilt that I've exposed my colleagues to all this contamination, I feel like I need to seek out an expert on batteries or something, I don't know anymore, I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow.

And yes I have many many concerns ha ha, I have a lot of self hatred for myself, and naturally that pushes people away, and there are many other problems and things I've done wrong, and I'm crying a lot at the moment ha

[Guest lizinlondon]

Hiya

Please try to leave this incident alone now. Do not react to the thoughts and do not seek reassurance. This is purely OCD in your head, the more you give into it, the more it will beat you down.

I hope you will be able to forget this incident and realise you are not a bad person.

[worrysmith]

I can't, I'm dreading going into work so much, I can't convince myself that it will be safe and that a chain reaction will start of things being contaminated, like my phone and my car, and then meeting someone who I like and feeling I've infected them and what if I never see them again and they become ill, it sounds so stupid when I type it but it's going through my head consuming me.

[Guest lizinlondon]

Remember that this is OCD and it is not real. You have OCD and it is the OCD that is doing you more harm than the battery acid ever would.

[worrysmith]

Thanks Lizinlondon, I called the mental health team up today to see where I was with the waiting list for cbt, they said I have another 3/4 months to wait unfortunately, made me wonder whether it's worth going private, has anybody been private for treatment before on here? And what sort of costs are involved?

I went to my parents this afternoon and touched things I thought I'd never be able to touch again, so that's something

[Guest lizinlondon]

I am seeing someone privately, it costs £120 an hour. This is in London though.

[PolarBear]

worrysmith, you are overestimating the threat to you and others. There is no threat to you and others. None. OCD is screaming at you that there is a threat but you have to teach yourself not to listen to the OCD.

[worrysmith]

So I'm still struggling, last night I was out in town drinking and so was my colleague (but not with me) and it was running through my mind that he will have his keys on him (the keys he used to prise the leaking batteries out) and they will touch coins and the coins will somehow come into my possession throughout the night through getting change from the bar etc, which made me avoid the places he was in and he text me at one point asking if he could meet me as his friends were going home, and I couldn't text back as I didn't want him to be near me, that made me feel so guilty... So you see how it builds from this initial incident and now handling money is starting to play on my mind, which I guess is common amongst ocd sufferers

I'm making enquires into private treatment and hopefully I'll start that soon

Hope everybody is well

[Guest lizinlondon]

This is exactly what happens to me. Before you know it everything becomes contaminated. I do think CBT will help you, so well done for getting that organised. The quicker you act the easier it is to treat. For now, do what you can to not engage with the thoughts. Remind yourself that this is not real but is OCD. Good luck.

[taurean]

Yeah I must be blowing it out of proportion, but it doesn't feel like that in my head, and I have this guilt that I've exposed my colleagues to all this contamination, I feel like I need to seek out an expert on batteries or something, I don't know anymore, I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow.

And yes I have many many concerns ha ha, I have a lot of self hatred for myself, and naturally that pushes people away, and there are many other problems and things I've done wrong, and I'm crying a lot at the moment ha

OCD thrives on guilt, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. You (influenced by the OCD) are exagerrating the issue . I've occasionally had to deal with corroded batteries in appliances, and there is no massive threat involved with them. I had no concern whatsoever and certainly did not require the assistance of a battery expert. My simple knowledge of chemistry experiments from my schooldays was all that was required.

So don't fall for the lies and falsehood of OCD.

Edited September 21, 2014 by taurean

[PolarBear]

worrysmith, some good cognitive work would serve you well. You continue to overestimate the threat. You are also performing avoidance behaviors, which is a type of compulsion. When you avoid you lend credence to the original thought that there is something wrong. You need to work on not avoiding situations when you feel you might be contaminated. Your anxiety will increase but the anxiety itself will not hurt you.

[worrysmith]

So update today, I checked the remote control again that had the leaky batteries in them, it has a blue stain in the battery compartment, and then I went and washed my hands. Then later my colleague (The one who took the leaky batteries out with his key) left the room and his phone rang so I had to answer, his keys were in front of the phone. I answered the phone and was going to leave the room to wash my hands but I decided not to, and I touched my face my clothes and my phone, and didn't wash my hands until after I used the toilet. I don't know if I feel better though, I just don't know. I just want to get rid of whatever key he used! Then one of my other colleagues used the roll of paper towels to wipe his hands, that is the same roll of paper towel my colleague used to wipe up the battery gunk (It lasts for ages) and I felt guilty and wanted to tell him, but I didn't, hopefully you can see how I'm envisioning it spreading around. I sorted out my private CBT session for this Thursday.

[PolarBear]

You've actually exposed yourself a little bit and that's a good thing. Good on you for not telling your colleague about the paper towels. You're getting there!

[Guest lizinlondon]

That is brilliant news. Looks like you are set.to tackle OCD head on. I wish you success, and feel free to keep posting, we can all support each other!

[Guest nervous]

Hi worrysmith, I am glad that you are making some progress towards recovery it seems you know what you have to do. I have contamination ocd and although not limited to batteries the battery episode would have bothered me as well, the funny thing is in the past, pre ocd, I would have probably done the same as the guy who changed the batteries but now it is so hard to see. Try to think of your ocd as not being about batteries but what it is which is an obsessive thought that you have and if you give in and do the compulsions you will double it and soon you will be trying to clean the whole building.

[worrysmith]

Thanks for the responses, I feel really guilty for coming back here now and saying that today hasn't been so great, after I made yesterday's post I decided to get rid of the remote control, by putting it in a bag and in the big bin in the room, the rubbish apparently goes to a sorting centre so although I should have given it to reception I couldn't cope with that so I thought the easiest thing to do was to put it in the bin, but when they came to empty the rubbish today they poured the little bins into the big bag (which had the remote in) instead of changing the plastic bags in the little bins... which has now started off a whole new guilt thing and makes me worry that people brushing past the plastic on the little bins on the floor and they put their hands in the bin (which I see them do) ... this makes me wonder whether the plastic bag bit was changed when it had the paper towels in with the battery gunk (I think it was but I can't be sure) and I feel that i've made everything worse and the issue is escalating, I'm honestly having doubts about keeping my job now. I don't know whether it is a phobia or OCD, I think there is aspects of OCD

I really have to sort this, and I know that if it wasn't this that it would be something else that would be playing on my mind, I just don't know how I can convince myself that everything is ok, I hope I can make progress on Thursday with the private CBT woman.

My mental health has ruined my life, and i've lost people I love and people I still love out of my life because of it, and this can't go on.

[PolarBear]

You have to stay the course. You are overestimating the threat to you and others. In fact OCD is creating a threat where none exists. Try your best to stop ruminating (over thinking) the issue and don't get into performing some other compulsions to try and reduce the amount of contamination present (which there isn't any).

[Guest lizinlondon]

Hey worrysmith You are right to say "this can't go on". That is what I say to myself. You have made the right steps to start CBT.

For now try as much as you can to not react to the thoughts about the batteries.

When you say " I don't know how I can convince myself that everything is ok". Well the answer.is to do nothing. That is what CBT teaches, that we learn to live with the uncertainty. There is nothing you can do.

Forget what happened today, get some rest and start fresh tomorrow.