Anyone else struggling with social anxiety as a result of OCD?

[Guest Annabel]

Hi Everyone,

I'm back at university (first week) in 3rd year and already considering leaving again. I spent most of the past two years (sick leave for 2 yrs) in my parent's house, only really leaving for CMHT appointments, occasional runs and only more latterly (June onwards) two trips out.

As a result of this and of a catastrophic year at university the year before I left I have become very very socially anxious a lot of the time.

I'm staying in a halls of residence as I needed an ensuite due to my extreme contamination issues (I would really rather be anywhere else if I could afford an ensuite in a flat/studio flat) and I feel both ancient compared to everyone here and also like completely cutting myself off. When I was young and in halls the first time I had pretty good social skills and made friends- everything was simple- there was no need to explain which year I was in and I would sit with friends during meal-times whereas now I'm trying to sneak in a quick meal without anyone taking pity on me and coming to sit nearby.

I don't really mind not talking to people in halls but I feel very panicked even walking past everyone. Lectures are worse in some respects because if I do carry on here I'll have to make friends for this year (3rd) and the next (4th year).

I feel like I just want to melt into the ground all the time or just go somewhere isolated!

Does anyone else feel the same? Has anything worked for you?

xx

[Guest lizinlondon]

Hi I had social anxiety at uni too. I would say to not be too hard on yourself. You have done really well so far. You don't need to tell people your history. I find people like talking about themselves, so you can always turn their focus back on them by asking a question.

I know it is hard but try to get yourself mixing with people. Like any fear avoidance only makes things worse. You will make friends.

Just take things easy, go forward slowly but steadily. Recognise and reward yourself for your achievements.

[Guest heartplace]

I have wondered this too!!!

My dad has Social Anxiety Disorder, or social phobia, so I don't know if I inherited it from him or if my social anxiety is mostly a result of OCD. I get so nervous when I'm in tight rooms with a lot of people. Big rooms with a lot of people don't bother me as much. And I avoid talking to people who trigger my OCD. But even people who don't trigger it, I just get so anxious. I'm hesitant to make friends, and I do well to initiate conversation with anyone. I've always been a loner even as a kid, but as a kid I don't recall ever being socially anxious.

[Guest Azamour]

I also suffr from both but I'm not sure which came first... The chicken of the egg. For me I obsess about social situations. I think they are all related to a central lack of self esteem for me.

[Guest Annabel]

Aw thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

Liz- thank you, I'll try to get involved in some social things, I'm bothered about being older than the people in my year group and even older than kids in halls! I wish I could go to some social things with people my own age-even though I'd have to overcome the social anxiety to do so. I'll do what you said and try to put the focus back on other people!

Heartplace- sorry you're struggling with this too. It does sound possible that it could be inherited but possibly if you didn't have social anxiety when you were little, then you might be able to get better from it with support- that's how I feel because I know I used to be sociable so I'd like to think that the social anxiety is reversible

Azamour, did you have social anxiety as a child? I think you're right that it is closely connected to self-esteem, I can't imagine someone with great confidence and social anxiety. I hope you are ok!

[Guest lizinlondon]

Honestly believe me you are not that much older. I am sure people won't notice or ask your age, go forward and enjoy yourself. It is common now for people of all ages to go to uni. I knew a man of 91 who went to uni!

[Guest imalright]

Hello :-)

When my OCD is off the scale, it does make me socially anxious. Absolutely!

I deal with this by:

1) saying 'yes' to everything - I started doing this years ago. Social anxiety hates it but I love the opportunities it's presented to me. For example, if asked if I want to work in another office or go to an event or social gathering, my automatic response is 'yes' - committing myself to such social situations has proved to me that I can cope in anything which makes it less scarier over time

2) I do some self coaching/CBT beforehand - challenge my fears and reassure myself that it's just OCD/anxiety

3) I feel the fear and do it anyway

4) I think back to this: I'll share it with you in case it helps!

Our brains have pathways based around our behaviours and experiences. Imagine a field of grass. You are walking over the grass on the social anxiety path. This is the path that makes you nervous of social situations, the path that makes you dread any kind of social interaction and the path that dictates you hate being around other people. As you walk along that path, and keep taking that route over and over again every time you're faced with a social situation, the grass becomes more and more trodden until there is hardly any grass left to see. One day though, you decide not to take that path. You decide instead to walk the path to recovery. At first, this new path might be a bit of a challenge to walk on...it's not been used before and the grass is long and sometimes difficult to walk over. However, each time you are faced with a social situation, you decide to choose this new path again and again. In a short time, it becomes easier to walk on - the grass is getting trodden down and you can see a definite pathway forming. You look over to the other social anxiety path and , because you've not used it for a while, the grass has started to grow over it again. After a time of you walking on the new recovery path, the other path has completely overgrown and you cant see it anymore.

The lesson is - exposing yourself to social situations might be a challenge at first - but will get easier if you keep going at it.

That is based on true events lol - just the way pathways work in our brains :-)x

[SaraJane]

Yes - I get social anxiety and I used to be agoraphobic. I've found that it gradually gets better the more you go into places - although I have to be honest and say that so far it hasn't fully gone away. If I am home for a few days then it is harder to start going out in public again (I suspect that staying home so much is partly why it hasn't fully gone away) - it seems to be that it improves with persistent time in social situations. You've done fab so far - I am so glad you got back to Uni - as hard as it is it could be a good place for this to improve in. xx

Edited September 22, 2014 by SaraJane

[Guest lizinlondon]

Saying YES to everything (within reason!) sounds like a good plan!