The Obsession - women only please

[Phili]

what if one breast is bigger than the other, one actually is, always has been, one is wider and longer than the other, the other is a tiny bit higher, you wouldn't notice unless you really looked. but the obsession is what if the other one is bigger now. I have no idea why I thought of it, I just did. Then I noticed that the wrong side of my quilt was higher, bare in mind that I wear 2 inch fabric under both breasts, then I poke around four inch thick material under that when I sit down and then a pillow on each side, towels underneath and then a duvet....no I'm not kidding. So now I have a compulsion to look down and not to look down but also don't have the mental or physical ability to do so.

That is my obsession and it really has hold of me, I have been reassured dozens of times that it all looks normal and have measured it in various ways but I can't convince myself, but of course I can't it is OCD. I hit one side with tissue and thought it felt huge, like the size of a melon, of course it wasn't. I wanted to poke one side and then the other side to compare but I ignored the compulsion. The truth is that side is bigger than the other side. the other side is just a fraction higher so that throws me off. There is no reason for this compulsion I just thought of it and I must ignore it, I must ignore everything it throws at me.

OCD I think is like a dishy priest, you may fight to get in the front pew but you must ignore all temptations to daydream :excl: :eek: :arf2:

[Guest Tricia]

I do understand as I have a thing about symmetry and mine are very obviously different. I don't have any tips really, Phili, except try to focus on other things, but you are already aware of that and I know putting it into practise is not easy. You certainly won't be alone with this.

[Phili]

MIne isn't about symmetry though, I think if one is different in size than before it means I'm sick, it isn't different and I've lost weight, I just have to ignored the compulsions, I just need some encouragement.

[FoosBoo88]

It sounds more BDD than OCD to me, but yes, everytime my husband comments on them I think they're bgger and I must be pregnant, or I think one looks 'wonky', I don't know, what are we like?!

FoosBoo88 x

[gingerbreadgirl]

it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do - you just need to dig deep and do it one step at a time. perhaps try to resist your compulsion for just five minutes to start with, then gradually increase the time. good luck Xx

[Phili]

I keep trying to go cold turkey, I can take it

I just think that is one is bigger when it wasn't before that means I'm dying

Edited September 23, 2014 by Phili

[Guest Tricia]

Have you discussed this with a doctor, Phili? It certainly doesn't sound like cancer, if that's what you're worried about. However, no one except your doctor can reassure you.

[Phili]

No, no, it is not actually bigger, I'm just afraid that it is, I just thought of it one day and now I'm obsessing, I just need to ignore the compulsions...Ah, it is so hard

I have to remember that just because I think something, doesn't mean it is true. I just say there and thought of it, no reason what so ever, I wont give in to the OCD and let it control, I have to feel the anxiety to stop feeling it.

Edited September 23, 2014 by Phili

[Caramoole]

There is no reason for this compulsion I just thought of it and I must ignore it, I must ignore everything it throws at me

I just have to ignored the compulsions, I just need some encouragement.

I have to remember that just because I think something, doesn't mean it is true

I wont give in to the OCD and let it control, I have to feel the anxiety to stop feeling it.

You got it Phili on all counts

I keep trying to go cold turkey, I can take it

Well, you can but it's not always the best way, just depends.

bare in mind that I wear 2 inch fabric under both breasts, then I poke around four inch thick material under that when I sit down and then a pillow on each side, towels underneath and then a duvet....no I'm not kidding.

Can you start looking at this ritual perhaps and see if you can start to make some plans to change/reduce what you're doing. As you've said yourself, you know you don't need to but it makes you anxious when you don't. Only you can choose what's acceptable but could you look at each of these things and decide how you could alter things. Perhaps decide not to use the duvet or the towels. If you can't manage that, could you try and spend an hour without them....or even half an hour where you sit with the anxiety?

Let's have a challenge Phili Get those goals decided on, post them here and let's see how you do.

Caramoole

[Phili]

I want to, but I'm so stressed that I spend most of my time handling that stress and don't seem to have enough energy or strength to deal with anything else

[Caramoole]

I want to, but I'm so stressed that I spend most of my time handling that stress

So....when something's too big we have to take it back a step. Start by writing that list, writing a "hypothetical" list of goals and how you could approach them starting with those that are the least difficult up to the most difficult.

At the bottom of the list might be "I will move the cushions away for 10 minutes, once a day"....if you can't do 10 mins do 5....but we can all start somewhere....but it does need to be a bit uncomfortable.

So your first challenge can be writing the list

Caramoole