35 weeks pregnant and ocd back worse than ever

[Guest Maria9999]

This is my first post here, I didn't even know this website existed but feel like I don't know where to go next. I have struggled with contamination/checking ocd for the last 24 years since being a teenager. I am sure you are all to aware of the amount of wasted time and expense I have committed to this crippling disorder. I have been on fluoxetine from time to time but not currently due to being pregnant. I have a very tolerant supportive husband and two wonderful sons already. I have a good job, nice home, and to the outside world everything I could wish for although behind all this deep down in the pit of my stomach I feel sick with so much worry and anxiety. I worry about one thing and then one, two weeks will pass and I will worry about something completely different thinking all the time that the last thing I worried about wasnt as bad as I thought at the time and the current thing is so much worse. It's a never ending cycle that I feel this time has beat me. I have spent so much time and effort trying to protect my family and home and this time the anxiety has just grabbed hold and won't let go. I can put a scenario in place now where everything is contaminated so there is just an impossible effort involved to fix things this time by performing the decontamination routines. Does anybody know if being pregnant can make ocd worse? It did happen with my other two pregnancies but feels worse this time. I thought I had gotten over 90% of these ocd rituals as this time last year I was feeling good about things and just had the odd wobble and checking procedures which is minimal in comparison. Has anybody ever overcome this after being in such a desperate place? Sorry it's so long, I really could go on and on.

[PolarBear]

Maria, welcome to the forum.

Pregnancy has been raised several times on the forum. The general consensus of moms is that pregnancy can definitely make OCD symptoms worse. It likely has to do with hormones. Quite a few women have posted that their OCD spiked while pregnant.

[Guest Readyforchange]

Hi Maria,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. It struck a chord with me too as it seems we are very very similar - I could have written that post myself! Although I am not currently pregnant my OCD became much more of a problem when I was pregnant and since having my baby (especially with contamination). The part you write about worrying about a particular thing for a couple of weeks before moving on to the next thing and that the new thing eclipses the old thought as it seems even worse! Its like you're taking the thoughts from my brain!

One thing I can say is that finding this forum, reading others stories (some of which are ex-sufferers, some who are managing their OCD much better and others who are suffering like us) was the start of my journey to overcome this and get my life back. I am currently having CBT (I chose to go privately in the end as I simply could not wait for the NHS). I've done lots of reading about OCD to understand it better - knowledge is power (books like Brain Lock and Break Free from OCD) and am starting to really work myself to overcome my OCD bully.

Are you receiving any support other than your husband? Have you had any CBT before?

Best Wishes

[Guest Maria9999]

Thank you for your replies. I am going to the doctors today to discuss cbt. I have been referred before although by the time the appointment came round I was in a 'better place' so didn't follow it through. I may go private this time as now is when I need it. I just want to enjoy my family and home like a normal person without all this. I wake up through the night and every morning panicking about the day I am about to face. I once read that somebody said 'if everything is contaminated then nothing is contaminated', I just wish I could just accept that and say to hell with it all. It's so hard when you have spent so much time and effort over the years to protect everything from contamination. To suddenly just stop seems scary to me although I know deep down this is what I need to do to overcome this. Life would be a breeze without having to overthink things with the what ifs. Has anybody ever done this successfully and completely pushed the thoughts out of their head? I'm scared if I try this it may come back worse than ever in the future although what have I got to lose if I feel like this now.

[Guest Maria9999]

Doctor has referred me to a psychiatrist in a weeks time. Not sure if this way forward will help.

[Guest Readyforchange]

Hi Maria,

You were asking in earlier posts whether anyone had managed to overcome their OCD? Check out Legend's thread '10 Years ago...'

Great news on the referral too. You said you weren't sure whether this way forward would help - the main thing right now is that you are heading in the right direction, taking action and moving forward.

We're all here to help each other move forward together too...

x

[Guest Wimm]

Hi,

OCD can definitely spike when pregnant. I was at the point of being discharged from my psychologist when I found out I was pregnant. Then throughout the pregnancy things got worse and worse until I was at my lowest and viewing the psychiatric ward of the local hospital to see if I would feel safer there than at home!

It was contamination fears for me and I couldn't eat for fear that I would harm my unborn baby with food that was contaminated. I was admitted to hospital twice during my pregnancy. It was the antenatal ward but they weren't allowed to keep me there because my problems were not with the baby but with my brain!

I was referred back to a psychologist and started work on CBT again. My baby is now almost a year old and I have just been discharged from psychology! I am still taking medication and I do have a wobble every day. But it has got better. I know its the hardest thing in the world, but please hang on.

Hoping it gets easier.

Wimm.

[Guest Maria9999]

Thanks again for you replies. I'm hopeful I will begin to think more rationally once the baby is born and once I go back on my medication too. Everything seems so clouded at the minute. It's like I know that my fears are irrational but still cannot stop thinking about the what if. Sometimes I can eliminate the what ifs with simple washing/cleaning procedures and then I can forget about them till the next time I worry about something. This time though it seems to have got out of hand. I know deep down I don't need to worry as there is a completely logical explanation although because the thought popped into my mind as a what if I am obsessing about it and feel I need to fix it somehow just in case that's what happened. The mind is just horrible at times.

[Guest Maria9999]

Really nervous about the first psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday. Hope I feel I can open up about things.

[PolarBear]

It's easier than you think. You can just start with, "I think have OCD." Your psychiatrist will ask, "Why do you think that?" You start to explain.

Keep it simple. You don't have to go into minute detail right off the bat. Tell him what your obsessions and compulsions are. He'll take over and ask you a bunch of questions. Be honest.

It will all work out and you'll thank yourself for going.

[Guest Maria9999]

Thanks Polar Bear. Your right, honesty is the key here I think. I hope I can be open enough with what I think about. It sounds probably crazy to them but I'm sure they are used to it.

[PolarBear]

It won't sound crazy to a mental health care professional. You're creating that out of your unease.

[Guest Maria9999]

Went okay today at the mental health assessment. Was heartbroken most of the way through as it was like admitting that ocd had beat me to my lowest finally. It's like it has won. I treasure my family and sons more than anything, they are great kids and I have to be strong I know. I have been referred for 2 cbt assessments - one has computerised therapy and the other is face to face therapy. I will weigh up which one may be best for me during the assessment. Anybody any comments on which is the best therapy?

[Guest jayjay89]

Hey, welcome to the forum. I used to have severe contamination ocd, like really really severe, after CBT (and ERP which is part of cbt) I'm at least 80% better.

I would definitely recommend face to face therapy as so much of my compulsions were noticed by my therapists during sessions - stuff I hadn't even realised I did. That human connection is important. I think.

Good luck!

Jay