Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi, I'm new here.

I'm in my mid-thirties and have realised over the last year that I suffer with ocd. I was always an anxious person and always had little things I had to do, such as check locks a certain number of times etc. and going over and over in my mind little 'mistakes' I had made and how it could all lead to something terrible, but never realised what it was. Then over the last couple of years it just took over my life and it was when reading a book on ocd, that I realised it was describing me EXACTLY. It's been both a relief to find out what it is, but also quite scary too.

My main problem is how it's prevented me from building any kind of life for myself. I still live with my mum who is very unsupportive, she's actually quite cruel, she constantly mocks my anxiety and treats me as if I'm just an embarassment and a failure. I really need to move out but I've trapped myself. I could never last long enough at a job to save up money - which I NOW realise was ocd - I would become obsessed with mistakes I had thought I had made and convince myself I couldn't handle it and would be fired soon (even though I would be told by people that they were glad I worked there, I wouldn't believe it) and so I would quit because I couldn't stand the constant anxiety every single day. Then I would try another job and the same thing would happen. Over and over again.

Recently though I did manage to get a volunteer job in a charity shop - only two hours a week which isn't much, but it was a huge deal for me - and again the ocd was really, really bad. BUT I've managed to stick it out, even though some days, the ocd has been just unbearable. It's just absolutely exhausting to be replaying over and over mistakes I've made in my head ..... silly little things that other people don't even think about cause me endless misery. For example if I think I forgot to pick up something off the floor, I will become convinced that someone will trip over it and really hurt themselves, or if I made a mistake on the till, it will end up costing the charity money, if I forgot to turn a switch off, it will cause a fire ..... The list is endless ....

I just feel so stuck. Even if I can stick at the volunteer job, it's going to be months and months before I have the confidence to apply for a job - which will probably then be too overwhelming and I won't get anyway (I have huge gaps in my work history - how on earth do I explain it?). Meanwhile my ocd is torturing me everyday and I just feel as if it's a never-ending cycle.

It's just so hard to imagine that my life will be anything other than how it is now - or that it won't just get even worse! (I'm so much worse now than I was even a few years ago) and on top of all that, having an unsupportive family is also really hard to deal with.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi. Thanks for reading.

Susannah

Link to comment

Welcome to the forum, Susannah!

You are among friends here. You are not alone.

In addition to checking things, you have a type of OCD commonly referred to as responsibility OCD. That's where you have an inflated sense of your responsibility toward other people, like not picking up a piece of paper, someone tripping on it, and it all being your fault. We have several people on the forum who suffer from that particular theme of OCD.

I encourage you to check out the main forum and read some posts and see what we talk about. We're here to support and help.

Link to comment

Hi Susannah, welcome to the forums, I hope you find them helpful and supportive like I have! Like PolarBear said you are not alone, and I think you will find that learning that what you have is OCD will be a good thing in the long run. Now you can seek out the help that is available to learn to overcome the worries, doubts and anxieties that have been holding you back from having the life you deserve! It will take work and time, but in the end I bet you'll find it all to be worth it!

I encourage you to check out the main OCD-UK site, there is a ton of useful information there about OCD, what it is, what treatments are available, and particular for people like yourself in the UK, ways that you can get access to some of those treatments. I also know that the UK, like the US has laws protecting people with problems like OCD when it comes to employment, which may make finding and keeping a job sooner a more realistic possibility for you. One of the best things you can do is see a mental health professional and get diagnosed officially so you can start therapy (and if necessary/you are open to it, medication to help with the OCD) that will give you the tools you need to start winning the fight against OCD. Best of luck to you going forward, and see you around the forums!

Link to comment
Guest lizinlondon

Welcome

I see a lot of similarities in your story to me. I am stuck living at home, and because of contamination OCD, I can't face physically moving out cos my stuff with get contaminated. I feel like an emotional prisoner. My dad is cruel about my OCD, saying things like I make it up and am not really ill and that I do it for attention. Luckily I am in CBT and am now on meds, so the long road to recovery begins. Glad to meet you. :original:

Link to comment

Hi lizinlondon, thanks for the welcome. I'm sorry to hear that you also have an unsupportive parent - it really does make things twice as hard doesn't it? That's really great that you're getting help now though. Look forward to seeing you around the boards :original:

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...