boyfriend with OCD dont know how to help

[Guest teach777]

Hi My boyfriend has been finding things hard the last couple of months.He is obsessed with keeping house clean and not contaminating the house with dirt from outside. When I try and speak to him it comes from a fear of being exposed to dog poo. I try and help by washing my hands and trying to remember his routines shoes off, change clothes etc. Should I try and get him to see someone?? I want to have children with him but feel he will not be able to enjoy children! any advice would be greatly appreciated! ?!

[PolarBear]

Welcome to the forum, teach.

It's good that you're reaching out for help for your boyfriend. Many times OCD sufferers are unwilling to seek help for their disorder. Sometimes they think they have everything under control and just don't realize what an effect the disorder is having on their lives and the lives of people around them.

What you are doing by following his 'rules' is performing compulsions for him. It is the wrong thing to do. You didn't know that but you're here getting educated, so you'll learn in short order.

People with OCD have intrusive thoughts (like, the house is contaminated), which causes distress. They then perform compulsions (like cleaning, changing clothes, etc.) to try and alleviate the distress. The way it works is that compulsions can make them feel better for a short time but ultimately things slide back and they get anxious again. It becomes a vicious cycle.

We can't directly stop the obsessions (intrusive thoughts). We do have control over the compulsions. Everyone here has been told and has learned that the way to overcoming OCD involves resisting and stopping compulsions. When compulsions are performed, they have the power to reinforce the obsessions and make them come back more often and stronger.

The last thing you want to do is involve yourself in your boyfriend's compulsions. That said, stopping doing them should be part of therapy, where you both agree it is not the right thing to do. I wouldn't advise you stop cold turkey just yet.

There is help available. There are a number of medications available that can reduce the amount of anxiety he feels after the intrusive thoughts. There is also a type of therapy called CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) with an emphasis on ERP (exposure and response prevention) that is used the world over to help OCD sufferers.

What I would do is sit down with him and start talking about his OCD. Be non-judgemental and compassionate. Try to get him to see that his behaviors are taking over his life, taking up too much time and interfering with his (and your) ability to live a normal life. Tell him there is help available and feel him out for his ideas about seeking help for his disorder.

[OCD_Guy_UK]

Hi My boyfriend has been finding things hard the last couple of months.He is obsessed with keeping house clean and not contaminating the house with dirt from outside. When I try and speak to him it comes from a fear of being exposed to dog poo. I try and help by washing my hands and trying to remember his routines shoes off, change clothes etc. Should I try and get him to see someone?? I want to have children with him but feel he will not be able to enjoy children! any advice would be greatly appreciated! ?!

You're a great girlfriend, trying to educate yourself and find out how to help your bf Top marks to you! This site is full of resources to help you understand OCD