PolarBear

My advice, delete all the notes. You don't need them. You made a list of things that trigger you. Reading the list you got triggered. How does that help at all? Moving forward means leaving OCD behind. Don't take any bit of OCD with you in the future.

You are going to be anxious without trying to get better, with no end in sight. Might as well be anxious and working on getting better. Snowbear is so right. The more you leave OCD alone, the better you'll feel.

Three days won't cut it. You need months under your belt of ignoring the thoughts, abstaining from compulsions, changing your thinking and some good ERP.

Is there a book that defines rules about when are appropriate times for private time? I haven't heard of it. Sounds like you need to take care of yourself. Eat properly, get plenty of sleep, exercise, relax.

If meds helped you before, it is no surprise that your symptoms are returning after stopping the meds. In addition, it is normal to feel agitated after stopping meds. Most people, when coming off meds, wean themselves, slowly reducing the dosage. That should only be done under a doctor's supervision.

What goes on in your head when this happens?

This is usually called false memory OCD. You experience obsessions that, during a night of drinking, you did unspeakable things or someone did unspeakable things to you. All the steps you took after getting these stops were compulsions, did n good, and actually made your situation worse. Do your best to stop doing these things. Stop trying to figure out what happened. I know you have an incredible urge to figure it out, but no good will come of it. The only way this will go away is you leave it alone.

I've been around for 10 years and have never heard of anyone trying or having success with egg white powder.

Sounds like OCD to me. The question is, can you figure out compulsions that you are doing? Like, do you try to answer the questions in your head?

Chances are you are still doing some sort of compulsion, which feeds the obsessions and round and round you go.

Chris, it sounds like your OCD has latched onto something new. This happens. As you said, your old obsession is no longer top of mind. Now your focus is on your mental health. Sound about right?

Hi floods. It is very, very common for sufferers to feel their worries are real and not OCD. Some sufferers have what is called good insight. That means they recognize their fears are likely blown out of proportion. Poor insight is the opposite. You have poor insight. It's not a bad thing. Sufferers belong in one camp or the other or even in between. About anxiety. I know it feels real. That's because it is! Anxiety is anxiety. There are no such things as real anxiety and fake anxiety. The anxiety you feel when you get the thoughts (obsessions) is exactly the same as the anxiety you would feel if you were out for a walk and you suddenly see a lion six feet in front of you. The problem is that there is a part of the brain that basically malfunctions in sufferers and it sends out the anxiety signal at inappropriate times, specifically when you experience an obsession. In my view, it is this jolt of anxiety (or disgust, guilt, shame) that acts like a screaming warning, that causes sufferers to pay attention to the thoughts. So, basically, the emotions you feel are absolutely real, but they are inappropriate for the situation. Generally speaking, OCD sufferers have a higher than normal anxiety level. When I went to group therapy, we did a lot of anxiety level work. Without going into details, the group while relaxed was at a 3 to 5 out of 10, spiking to 7 to 10 when dealing with obsessions. I rated my background anxiety level at 4 to 5. That's all the time, more when OCD struck. So it is perfectly normal, in an OCD world, to feel anxious a lot of the time. Fearing that something will harm you is perfectly normal. Some sufferers fear they will cause harm. Some fear harm will come to a specific loved one. All normal. Recovery is a process. It can take a long time to see positive results and you will have setbacks and sudden advances. One foot in front of the other. A favorite quote: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Anni, I spent 10 years (on and off) trying to find another me, someone with the exact same thoughts and behaviors. I never found anyone exactly like me. I learned in therapy that we are all unique. Our upbringing, experiences, knowledge, all help to shape who we are... right down to what obsessions we get and how we react to them. Lots of sufferers question their diagnosis. Sometimes they feel like they're faking it. Sometimes they think there's something worse wrong with them. It's normal and why some of us say you have to take a leap of faith. Treat your problem as OCD, even if you don't quite believe it.

FYI, I am neither a sage nor a prophet. If I come across as such I'll need to workon that. On the other hand, OCD skews perception and perhaps that is partly in play.

Just as an aside, I think you read far too much into my posts. I reread my first post on ths thread and I saw a gentle reminder. You saw something else. Although I have told sufferers to let it go, I offered no such advice to Ironborn here.