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Confusion around my 7 yr old son


Guest scarlettsea

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Guest scarlettsea

Hello,

My son is displaying increasingly worrying behaviours. He has always been a little anxious but has ow developed some odd behaviours which he describes as helping him when he is stressed.

This mainly takes the form of touching his fingertips together in various ways but it always has to be an 'even' number of times. Or if he needs to touch his leg he will then need to touch the other otherwise he feels 'wrong'. I guess my question is that his obsessional thoughts are based on the fact that he has been bullied (and to use the schools word) stalked by another child and unfortunately this has reared again in the past 2 weeks which is when his getting things 'even' compulsion has started.

From what I've read on this site the obsessive thoughts with OCD seem to not be based in 'reality' so to speak (apologies if I am causing offence - not sure what the right term is) where as his worries are. So does this mean it is not OCD?

I understand that no one here can diagnose. I have a doctors appointment next week; we are going to see a play therapist on Sunday and I have been into school already (thankfully they are taking this seriously and have made some positive changes) I guess I was just trying to see if anyone could share some thoughts about whether this maybe self-soothing behaviours that have now become compulsive (for example he couldn't hold my hand walking down the road as he was having to touch his fingers in a certain way and even number of times - he has to do it) or whether it could be OCD and the worries about the other boy have become obsessional - he certainly thinks and talks about him a lot; and if so is that OCD because actually the worries are 'real'?

Any thoughts would be welcome - currently I am a little terrified

Thank you

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Guest Sally44

Touching things a number of times, or toughing one side and then the other is a compulsion typical of OCD. OCD has many forms and this is just one part that does tie in with OCD - not that I can diagnose, but just to say it is common. And the anxiety causes a totally irrational response that relives the stress and makes the person feel 'safe' or 'right' for a short time until another obsessional thought comes along.

And also the 'strength' of the need to complete the compulsion also suggests OCD. It isn't just a preference, or a whim, or something for fun [like trying to avoid the cracks on the pavement can be for kids]. This is a driven behaviour that MUST be completed otherwise the child feels 'wrong' or unsafe or highly anxious and unable to let go of the idea.

Edited by Sally44
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scarlet, many OCD obsessions are based at least in part on reality.

One thing we do know here is that stress makes OCD worse. If your son has OCD then he was going to get OCD at some point in his life. However, the stress he is going through could well be a trigger that started things out now.

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OCD is an anxiety condition. Compulsions (the touching his leg in a certain way) are carried out as a self-invented method to try and reduce the anxiety, a coping method.

It certainly does have all the Hallmarks of OCD probably provoked by the stress experienced by bullying.

I don't know if you've looked at the OCD-UK site but there's a great deal of information available there http://www.ocduk.org . You might also find the following links useful as well

http://www.ocduk.org/sites/default/files/childrens-booklet.pdf

http://www.ocduk.org/sites/default/files/parents-booklet.pdf

I hope the GP is sympathetic and helpful and that you can get your Son some swift support. Let him know you're there and will deal with the bullying and he's safe.

Hope things go well

Caramoole :)

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Guest scarlettsea

Hello all.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I understand what you are all saying-I guess I was hoping for an out! Someone to say I was over reacting! But it's better to face this head on I'm guessing and be honest.

I have downloaded the booklets. I like the one for children very much but haven't shown it to my son yet as I thought we should see the doctor first. The website is really useful also.

I feel beyond guilty. Like I have done this to my son. I'm not a bad mum, but I did have PND when he was born which was in the form of anxiety. It was hard to bond with him. We are starting some Theraplay sessions on Sunday to help develop our attachment. I had arranged this before I knew the extent of his 'even' compulsion, but think it's still worth doing.

Again thank you for your honesty. I need to focus on him and put my **** to one side... But in some moments I cannot hold the tears in. Ugh.

Scarlettsea

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Hi and welcome to the forum. Its my son who has OCD and although he is an adult now, his started when he was very young, but I had no clue what it was. You are a great Mum for realising there is a possible problem and I have to say its lovely to hear of a supportive school who will work with you.

We ALL feel an incredible amount of guilt, 'is it our fault', 'did we pass it on in our genes', 'what could we have done differently', the list is endless, but Ive learned over the years that NONE of it is our fault. Its good to go to the theraplay sessions, it might help your son express how he feels, but in the meantime be kind to yourself, you are a wonderful caring Mum.

Do let us know how you get on at the doctor's.

Carol

PS We have all cried buckets too!!!

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Guest scarlettsea

Thank you Carol. This is so hard at the moment; think a diagnosis one way or another will help so I can start researching and getting the right support he needs. The school are bring good now but up until I started talking about possible OCD they hadn't been particularly great about the bullying and I think my husband and I were too 'nice' about it all. Not anymore! Lessons learned I guess. He's already happier since the school have implemented changes and he's started seeing their mentor who is spot on and seems to understand what he needs. I'll let you know what the doctor says. Thank you all for your kind words. It is hugely appreciated.

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Guest jayjay89

Hey there,

You have had good advice above, I didn't see if anyone gave you the "term" for those types of compulsions? Just incase, it's typically called symmetrical OCD - ie if I touch something with one had, the other hand has to touch it the same way so everything is even. While labelling the OCD is really required for yourselves, sometimes it's helpful to have the term when seeing a different GP/Nurse etc who may not understand OCD vey well. This also doesn't mean he doesn't have any other "flavours" of OCD, just that this is the one that is manifesting clearly for you currently.

The other thing to keep in mind is it sounds like he is under some pretty serious stress at the moment - that makes OCD so much worse. I wouldn't gage the severity of his condition based on the current symptoms as if the stressors are removed/reduced you would expect to see a reduction in the compulsions.

It's great that you are on top of this at an early age - I think the earlier you look at treatment options the better chance he has of learning how to overcome it and apply it like second nature as he ages. I applaud you for supporting your son, facing this and trying to help him. Having a supportive and loving family has such a huge impact on our motivation to get better.

Good luck :)

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Hi there

It is understandable that you would be concerned about your son's behavior. It's good you've posted here and are aware of your son's needs and are looking for ways to support him.

I've recently used the Jolly and Grump resource from here for a young (5 years) child that was displaying ocd type behaviors and it was a fabulous resource - I would definitely recommend it. The child I shared it with has seen the ocd grump as a lying bully that can be made smaller by not doing what it tells you to do and they have risen to the challenge. As a resource it helped me as an adult sufferer too because it brought the ocd down to its base state and showed it up for what it is. I didn't say to the child that I thought they had ocd (some of their behaviors were that they were having to stay in the bathroom a long time because they thought if they came out too soon they would knock someone down the stairs or that things had to be straight or someone would trip over them - straight as in a certain place or that the outside floor was dirty and they couldn't put their shoes on it) just that I thought they had a grump and that we both had a similar grump.

I hope things get easier soon.

Sara

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Guest scarlettsea

Thank you for the responses. I saw the doctor yesterday, by myself. She now wants to see him so we're booked in on Tuesday. Kinda wish i had taken my son yesterday now but my husband felt I wouldn't be able to speak freely with him there. Just want to move things forward and know what to do. Like should I stop him trying to touch his fingers an even number of times? I feel we need the label so I can know what to do. But at the same time I don't want the diagnosis as it is a little devastating. Thank you again- everyone has been do kind here

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Guest scarlettsea

Hello again; we went to the GP again and she has referred us to our local child development centre to see the paediatrician. It's going to take 6-8 weeks which seems like an age but I am glad she's taken it seriously. He was so good explaining his 'evens' habits to her! But he did tell her they'd been something he's done for over a year which was news to me. The school is being horrendous at effectively dealing with the bullying. We are now at a point of complaining to the governors if tomorrow's meeting does not resolve things. Feel like I'm either emailing or up the school all the time.

Anyhow. I have to keep going. Although I already feel exhausted, although I think that's from feeling like I have to fight the school. He's really enjoying the play therapist sessions and is going by himself this weekend.

Thank you again for all the support

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