findingithard Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Was changing my daughter as she had pooped and I was wiping her etc and I just kept getting the thoughts that I wanted to touch her. I went to put her clean nappy on and I was trying to get it on properly and I lifted the nappy up and then looked at her genitals before fastening it. Whilst I was doing that I got a thought that I was looking to go touch her and now I've convinced myself that I was going to touch her. Link to comment
findingithard Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 I always panic about lifting her nappy up incase I feel as though I was gonna touch her after going to fasten her nappy now that's what I've basically done I hate this. I'm trying so hard to work out why I looked at her bits and I know that's the wrong thing to do but I just can't get through this damn sht. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'm trying so hard to work out why I looked at her bits and I know that's the wrong thing to do It certainly is You need to be trying so hard to avoid ruminating. You know the cause of the feelings, now you have to repeatedly work on the cure Link to comment
findingithard Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 I just don't know if I can do it anymore. Everything feels so real. I changed my daughter earlier this morning and bam! Because I took longer to do her nappy and I didn't go really fast and I had like sensations in my finger, I'm now thinking I've touched her I feel like I have. I mean, why would I have a sensation/ feeling in my finger if I didn't do anything? what I remember is putting the clean nappy under her bum, pulling her fresh nappy up so there was enough to go over her bits and abdomen but I pulled it too hard and it came from under her bum but I don't remember putting the nappy back under her bum and that's when I realised this weird feeling in my finger like I had touched her ugh. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 why would I have a sensation/ feeling in my finger if I didn't do anything? Because you have OCD. You haven't figured that out yet. Link to comment
findingithard Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yeah but this all can't be OCD. Every time I'm changing her, every single time. It feels like I'm going to touch her and then I start having thoughts of me doing it and not caring, then I start slowing down with her nappy changing like I'm thinking about doing it. Surely that isn't ocd. I feel guilty every time I have an intrusive thought or feel like I've went to do something. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 It's happening every time and not going away because you're dealing with it the same way every time, with compulsions. Nothing will change until you change your behaviours Link to comment
findingithard Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 I know Caramoole but it's so hard! I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to at all. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 So what are you going to do? What are the things you can try that might make a difference? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You refuse to do the work required to get yourself out of this mess so the mess will remain. You will continue to have these thoughts when you change her diaper. Absolutely nothing will change because you won't change your behavior. Link to comment
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