Trying to understand Harm OCD and avoidance?

[Guest 3sqfeet]

Has anyone avoided seeing their spouse or close family because of Harm-type intrusive thoughts? Would that make the avoidance a compulsion?

[Caramoole]

Yes it would

[Guest 3sqfeet]

I don't want to accidentally collude with the compulsion. It is biggest source of damage in his/my/our life. I am trusting that his CBT guy is challenging it, but I don't know that.

I also want to be kind and respect my husband, and what he feels he needs right now which is to not see me at all for 2 months. And you can't force someone to see you!

Any suggestions on how I could gently prod the issue when we talk on Sunday? Particularly if relationship/harm thoughts are causing it? (I don't know for sure but his avoidance is SO extreme that it seems possible.)

[Em24]

I started avoiding people when I suffered from Harm OCD. It is definitely a compulsion. Maybe ask to meet him? Even just for a few minutes at his front door if need be, just to start things off? 0Or even better would be if he would allow you to sit in on a session with him and his therapist, so you can get some tips on how to help xx

[Guest 3sqfeet]

He is adamant that he needs 'space and time', hence the 2 months, and until now, insists that he needs to do therapy on his own because "it's his problem". As until a few months ago, we had a very trusting loving relationship, a real team, it is so weird that it has made me wonder about Harm thoughts... I think all I can do when we speak on the phone on Sunday is try to drop a small seed in the hope it sticks.

If you were really caught in avoiding, emma24, what could someone have said which would have made you less rigid?

Or do I just need to trust the CBT guy and have patience for it to come up as part of ERP which he is just starting?

[Em24]

I kind of knew I was avoiding. So I stopped. But it was a bit different for me because I was avoiding being around my child, so it got to the point where I had to be around them to look after them. I realised my thoughts were not a real threat (although very hard at 1st) and moved on.

Everyone is so different with dealing with OCD though, it can be frustrating for u to have to endure.

I think you should see if his therapist will allow you to sit in on a session. Xx

[Guest 3sqfeet]

He's going to talk to his therapist about it, he says, but I'm not holding my breath. He's in a strange, self-destructive place right now so I probably have to wait a while until he starts to see things differently