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False Memories -beginning to feel better


Guest Clematis

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Guest Clematis

Hi all, I have always had OCD. Just never realized. Always tapping, checking, counting, worrying, Aids worries. However, I was able to kind of 'grow out' of most of those (happened childhood -adolescence) i realize now I still was thinking in an OCD way it just didn't interfere terribly with my life. I am 35 now and about 1 month after the birth of my son (over a year ago now) I woke from a dream of me pushing a car into a pond. Upon waking I had this horrible feeling that it wasn't a dream but a forgotten (blocked out) memory. Ever since I have ruminated and ruminated and the thought has taken on so many forms. I had convinced myself I was a murderer that had blocked out the heinous act all while trying to be a mom for the first time. Horrible. I am happy to say I have gained the strength to move on. I still have bad days with doubts whispering in my ear. But I no longer feel that if a cop car pulls behind me that they have found me out and my life as I know it is over. I have found joy in normal days and have found that keeping busy has given my mind time to build distance between me and my obsession rendering it less powerful. I apologize for using the term 'false memory' in my post. I just know how strange and wierd these thoughts seem and the comfort and strength it gave me to read that others were experiencing similar strange thoughts. Peace and strength to all who suffer. I hope my story helps someone.

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Guest Clematis

Oh and what I meant by apologizing for using the term 'false memory' is I know some dont like the use of labeling certain subcategories of OCD. I just know I did a lot of searching under this term when I was at my worst trying to find answers and similar cases.

By the way, thanks to all who share their journey. It has helped me a lot over this last year.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest richy244

OCD loves giving me bloody false memories, so i fully understand you, mine are "if" i was sexually abused and i think of these god awful sceanrios of myself being pinned to the ground and sodomised and although 95% sure it didnt happen, i still ruminate on it trying to be 100% sure.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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