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hello everyone. my sad story...


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hello everyone. I don't even know where to begin.

sorry, i don't speak english natively, but hopefully it will be enough for you guys understand the hell i'm in. i'm a 30 year old male from czech republic/European Union. i'm married. the relationship has become really ugly as a result of ocd. keep reading..

as the title suggests, my life is totally ruined. OCD has taken over almost all sides of my life. like i said i don't even know which one to begin with.

-- i spend countless hours in the shower everyday trying to achieve that "perfect level" of cleanness.

-- a normal shower takes me about 50 mins to 1 hour.

-- only shaving my face takes about 1 hour sometimes more. depending on how i feel. i shave with the grain, against the grain in all possible directions. i shave as if it is the last time i'm shaving if you know what i mean. my face has to be perfectly clean and free of any hair growth at all! i don't stop till the skin feels like that of a baby. ofcourse it comes with its consequences, after shaving i normally suffer from skin irritation which lasts about 4-5 hours. i have every 5 days.

-- if i shave other parts of the body (such as under arms etc.) plus face plus shower, it easily takes me 3 hours Plus..

if i do something, everything has to be perfect. writing a page of text takes me 10 times as long as it would take an average person. i will check the grammer, the structure the topic and oh my god, everything.....it is horrible feeling.

---brushing my teeth takes me about 30 mins.

-- everytime after eating, i feel the strong urge to wash my face, around the mouth, my neck and on and on and on. so in general i spend a lot of time in bathroom. (with water). my shower actually fails often because of the waterflow that goes through it. really. no kidding..

-- often i don't feel like doing anything, just because i will need to do all the rituals associated with those things afterwards to bring myself back to that "clean and right" status. trust me, i know how it sounds!! :(

-- i have a good looking motorcycle which i have problem riding. i f..k around for so long after riding the bike(trying to put it in its exact position, putting the locks and chain and all that in perfect alignment and all that stupid stuff) that i don't want to move it from its "perfect position and settlement" in the garage. i hope you understand. so as a result the battery keeps going flat, ( because it doesn't get ridden so often) so i came up with the idea of buying an expensive charger only to charge the battery occasionally. the thing with the motorcycle goes further but i'll stop here as i think that is enough details about the bilke :))

like i said my life is totally ruined because ocd takes so much of my life. so much energy and time that i totally feel like in prison. i find myself performing my rituals all day long.

--i have all the classic symptoms of ocd that you can imagine. i am freaky about washing, i check and check and re-check the gas and water tap to make sure everything is closed,

- - i check to make sure the door of the fridge is closed. and all that.

-- i go to hair dresser (or barber) every 4-5 days to make sure my hair stays trimmed.

-- everything has to be in perfect alignment, such as the car keys, motorcycle keys, etc.

-- at some point, i bought a locked cage to keep my spare car keys, so that i was unable to open it, so that i couldn't spend time trying to align the keys, i closed the keys inside the cage and threw away the keys of the cage. i know, how it sounds. you are probably laughing as you are reading this.

-- the wife totally doesn't understand this. i must confess she could absolutely be more supporting than this. there is times i feel i hate her. but i still have feelings to her and i think i may feel worse without her than i do now. i may be wrong though. she makes me angry a lot. it may change soon. anyways..

-- my parents totally hate me too. this one is real ugly. i won't take you in that direction at all.

-- i have intrusive thoughts about numbers, such as everything has to be in even numbers or be done in even numbers and all those classic symptoms.

-- i park the car and keep checking the windows to make sure they are all closed.

-- i check and check and check to make sure the lights are off in the rooms all day long.

-- as a result of all these, it has become almost impossible for me to work.

used to be a field engineer for a reputable company, i have master's degree, had a great job, saw the whole world at a young age, i don't regret any of that. it had its stresses as well, all right. which may have contributed to my case as well. but anyways, eventually i started acting weird and that is how i lost my job.

--tried other things lately for a living. sold on ebay quite successfully for a period of 4-5 months. until they banned my account for the reasons that were not caused by me. anyways...

-- i often find myself in strange and difficult situations. my parents never approved of my current wife. but they are not any better themselves either :( so i often find myself in a situation where i don't know where i belong and what i should be doing. it is a bad feeling. i feel everything i'm doing is wrong. i feel very little support.

i'm sure there is more to my story than what i wrote here. but these are just some of them that i could recall from the top of my head.

i never gave up though. i will never give up. i will see what happens. any and all emotional support from you guys will be highly appreciated.

Thanks.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest dilee7

Hi,

First of all im sorry to hear that you are going through having ocd.i feel the pain that how you feel as im suffuring with this for 16 years.And im married too.but my husband doesn't no about this.I feel like im completely different person from the society with my behaviour.i have no one to talk about this.i didnt no the name ocd is what im having for this long period.but im doing things like you but i managed not to take too long with doing unwanted thoughts.but i do wash my hands repetedly by thinking somthing might happend.and i check the lock of the door befor i go out.i may come several times to check the door.im glad i found this website today.and i read your story.i know how you feel like someone listen to you.im a very sensitive person but unfourtunatley bad things happend since i was a kid.it made me worse when i became a teenager.now im suffering with ocd.i hope we could get help to cure this ocd.good luck!

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Guest Daisy_88

Hi,

That's quite a list of things... I'm new here on the forum too. I was just wondering, are you in any therapy for your OCD?

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