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Hi everybody

My name is Aya and im 13

My OCD has been getting way to much for me to handle.where do i start to explain. I've had OCD since i was about 7. At first it was that i had to touch the ground twice every two steps i took. As you can imagine my compulsion was very noticeable because i would be late to lessons in school and have a sore back. My mum took me to the doctors and my GP had no idea what was wrong with me. At first i got treated for anger problems and that didn't work. I then got a social worker and she told my mum i was attention seeking . Eventually i they told me that i had OCD and i managed to not touch the ground and get rid of my OCD. Then i started to think about all of the germs everywhere when people sneeze or cough.I could be eating something and if someone sneezed i wouldn't touch the food and i also started to touch the ground again. With a lot of hard work i stopped touching the ground again overcome my fear of germs.I was completely fine for about 6 months but after that everything went down hill.I started to

- Check things (go back and make sure things are switched off all of the time)

- Touch everything i passed (i would touch a street lamp)

- Not eat because i thought a fly had been on my food ( i wont eat anything what's not in a closed packet)

- Not go outside because i thought a random member of the public would come up to me and kill me on the street and i also fear all of the germs of the flies in the air )

- Organise things from left to right ( in a shop everything has to be ordered )

- Turning things on and off a certain amount of times ( light switches are turned on and off twice )

- Washing my hands if i see a fly or touch a toilette door ( i don't touch door handles very often )

- Doing things like getting dressed in a certain order by a certain time ( have to put my top on in exactly two mins )

- Making everything i do perfect and accurate ( i have to draw a pencil line on my work if writing on a piece of plain paper )

- Never leave a classroom messy ( all of the chairs have to be tucked in and the pencils have to be in an order )

- Always asking for assurance that i have done things right ( i keep thinking i have done my work wrong all of the time )

The list just goes on and on.

Because of my OCD and other family issues i self harm and have tried to commit suicide before. My OCD affects a lot of things especially friends . Instead of going outside at lunch i do jobs for teachers as i am head of the music prefects in school. It drives me crazy when people leave the music classroom a mess. I don't go outside because there are so many germs and i also cant leave the music room a mess as well.This makes friends very hard to keep . Most people think im a weird, quiet kid who no one ever sees . I cant blame them because i don't even eat lunch and never speak in lessons. My mum and my sister are worried about all of the weight im loosing but all i can do to reassure them is say i want to eat but cant. I guess i feel a bit lonely at times but my cat is my best friend and keeps me company. I feel like i don't have a life but only an existence.Everything i used to enjoy i cant do any more. I always have to pretend like i don't have feelings and that im always okay. Its all lies.For once im going to admit that im not okay all of the time. I look into the mirror and see the girl i used to be and not the girl i am now. I want my old life back so much now.Every time i try to eat i have a panic attack and am sick. I feel so tired and so weak all of the time. Im loosing control of myself. I'm scared of everything.Even myself and of what i will do to myself next. I cant seem to escape the compulsions. I just want to be free !!!!

I know there are others out there who suffer as well.

I hope to make some good friends

Best wishes

Aya x

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Hi Aya, sorry you're having such a tough time. Your situation reminds me of me when I was your age. It must have been annoying being told you were attention seeking. Unfortunately a lot of people are still ignorant of what OCD actually is.

So are you having any CBT at the moment? I promise with proper, good quality treatment things can and will improve for you. Are your family supportive? Mine were rubbish. It's certainly helpful if you can get some family and friends to really understand what you're going through. You shouldn't deal with it alone.

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Guest jayjay89

Hey Aya, glad to have you join us! OCD is a pain in the bum for younger people especially, I remember the joy of school while struggling with OCD.

There are lots of people on here who have had the same or similar challenges, so don't feel alone in this :)

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Hi

im on a waiting list at the moment for CBT but the other day i got moved to a closer time as i am not eating ( so far im alone in all of this)

My family aren't that supportive. The other day my grandmother sat down and told me i was ruining my mothers life and to stop.I said im sorry but i cant stop i really want to but cant. She told me i was an attention seeking little git and that i could. I just walked away. My mother said she didn't want to live with me any more because of my OCD. My.My sister is the one who is always there for me through everything . Im grateful to my sister and i owe her my life. She goes to university and study s biology.As she is so good at biology she keeps on telling me that i kneed to eat to get energy and respire and lots of other details. Shes terrified that im going to die by not eating enough or taking my own life. I feel guilty as my sister was the only reason im still here and she had to threaten me last time so i wouldn't do it . I love my sister the most in the entire world and im glad shes never given up on me like so many other people have. I don't want to even think about where i would be without her. I couldn't wish for a better sister, :original:

Best wishes

Aya

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Hi. Yeah I remember being told the same thing by my family - just stop being stupid, stop doing your rituals and just eat. If only it was that easy. Hopefully you can start CBT soon and you'll see some improvements. I'm so glad you've got such a great sister. Can you get her to help you? If you educate her about OCD she could have a word with your mum and grandma and explain things to them. They should be supporting you not making you feel worse.

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Guest jayjay89

Unfortunately a lot of people are ignorant about how difficult it is to overcome ocd, hopefully once you start on cbt things will get a little easier for you.

You aren't alone in this, you can always talk to us :)

Have you thought about maybe asking your sister to have a look on the forum so she can get a better understanding of ocd and maybe then help with the rest of your family? If you aren't comfortable with that then I second legalseagulls idea of helping educate your sister in other ways

Jay

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Hi everyone

Thanks for all of your replys

My sister is the one who noticed i had OCD and she is the one who made me go to the doctors.

My sister knew i had OCD from the beginning and she knew way more about it than i did.Shes read books and everything.Also she has talked to my mum about it loads of times but my mum still just doesn't understand.My sister even got into an argument with my mum about how unfair my mum was treating me. Unfortunately nothing will make my mum understand so im just going to have to deal with it.

Best wishes to everyone

Aya x

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Guest jayjay89

Well it's good that you have your sister :)

It sucks, but sometimes parents aren't perfect, my parents thought I was just a fussy eater and were pretty violent about it!

Life gets better, you will get some cbt and then you'll finish school and then you won't be stuck at home anymore.,., keep your chin up!

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