is this OCD??im confused

[Guest lisamezza1]

Hi im new to this forum.im unsure of how I really feel my mind feels confused and can't make sense of things sometimes im unsure if what im thinking is real or not.ive suffered with anxiety and agraphobia for over 13 years.i think I have always had intrusive thoughts but nothing I couldn't cope with,but last year my doctor put me on Prozac but took me of them after 3 weeks has they made me quite ill and I started to develop thoughts like what if I pick up a knife and stab myself in the stomach so I threw all my knives away.then I started thinking what if im suicidal what if I kill myself or lose control.im finding it hard to figure out my thoughts.i keep questioning myself wondering if im suicidal which then increases my anxiety.then other negative thoughts enter my head.does anybody else experience this?could this be a form of ocd?

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi im new to this forum.im unsure of how I really feel my mind feels confused and can't make sense of things sometimes im unsure if what im thinking is real or not.ive suffered with anxiety and agraphobia for over 13 years.i think I have always had intrusive thoughts but nothing I couldn't cope with,but last year my doctor put me on Prozac but took me of them after 3 weeks has they made me quite ill and I started to develop thoughts like what if I pick up a knife and stab myself in the stomach so I threw all my knives away.then I started thinking what if im suicidal what if I kill myself or lose control.im finding it hard to figure out my thoughts.i keep questioning myself wondering if im suicidal which then increases my anxiety.then other negative thoughts enter my head.does anybody else experience this?could this be a form of ocd?

Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry your post wasn't answered sooner. Poor show that.

Well you mentioned intrusive thoughte there, which is an actuall term for something some people with OCD get. They will try and neutralise the thoughts with other thoughts or prayers or "mental mantras" or possibly even physical rituals.

The thoughts are usually opposites of the person's sexuality or religion or just abhorrent things the person would not do , is not, does not like, and does not want to be. So straight people having thoughts about maybe they're a homosexual and vice versa. Non-paedophiles having houghts that maybe theyre a paedophile. Thoughts about harming loved ones or pets. And much more. So that part of what you described does sound like OCD to me.

As for wondering if what you are thinking is real or not, difficult to say. Do you mean hallucinations, hearing things, or just feelings of doubt about what you feel towards things, or something else altogether?

To be continued ...

David.

[Guest lisamezza1]

Thanks for replying.no I don't hear things or hallucinate.i just keep thinking an I suicidal that's what I can't make sense of.i don't want to die I have never made a plan or anything or even thought of doing it.i just avoid sharp objects like knives etc incase of the what ifs,or I lose control and do something to myself.if im busy the thoughts go but once I sit or have alone time they come back.i have spoke to my gp who doesn't seem to be concerned they said its another part of my anxiety.

[Guest Sisyphus]

Thanks for replying.no I don't hear things or hallucinate.i just keep thinking an I suicidal that's what I can't make sense of.i don't want to die I have never made a plan or anything or even thought of doing it.i just avoid sharp objects like knives etc incase of the what ifs,or I lose control and do something to myself.if im busy the thoughts go but once I sit or have alone time they come back.i have spoke to my gp who doesn't seem to be concerned they said its another part of my anxiety.

You're welcome Lisa.

GPs don't tend to be very clued up on psychological matters in my experience - hence why I was diagnosed with clinical depression for a good 15 years instead of OCD after I tried to get help!

So I think it would be a good idea to go back to the GP and request to see the CPN about it. If he agrees, then the CPN should do some Q & A with you to ascertain what they think the problem is, and what treatment is best. But you need a proper diagnosis at some point, as opposed to the GP or an amateur oipinion like mine.

All that aside, from what you have described there, it does sound like it could be OCD to me. There's a thing some people call "harm OCD" which I believe can involve actually harming yourself, or a fear of harming yourself or others. Here's a snippet I just found about "Self-Harm in OCD":

Self-Harm in OCD

Some individuals may also experience intrusive thoughts of self-harm, often brought about by imagining ways to escape anxiety, and then being terrified of what their brain came up with. It is important to note that fear of self-harm is an entirely different phenomenon from actual self-harm behaviors such as cutting. Similarly, the fear of committing suicide is a different issue than genuine suicidal ideation. Some with Harm OCD experience an obsessive fear of self-harm, often related to unwanted intrusive thoughts of losing control, while actual suicidal thinking has to do with the fantasy of ending one’s life. It is important to note that individuals with Harm OCD are at no higher risk of acting violently than the general population, and that having Harm OCD does not indicate that one is a danger to themselves or others. That said, treatment providers should discuss these types of thoughts with their clients to clarify and determine issues of intent.

Harm OCD Treatment

As with other forms of OCD, it is important that the sufferer seek treatment with a psychotherapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) specifically for the treatment of OCD. The primary CBT technique used in treating Harm OCD is the same as that used in treating other types of OCD, and is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Unfortunately, many individuals with harming obsessions seek out traditional talk therapy or psychodynamic therapy, both of which can swiftly worsen a Harm OCD sufferer’s condition by encouraging them to further examine these meaningless thoughts, which only serves to unnecessarily inflate their importance.

I'm sure there's plenty more out there if you google something like "self harm OCD". Oh and apologies if you already know any of this stuff.

Any questions though ask away OK? Asking in the main "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)" forum tends to get more views/responses for some reason.

All the best,

David.