'have run someone over? answer me or we're going back!'

[Guest mergirl]

Hi there.

The topic title is a scenario we go through on every journey. My husband is getting worse. He gets nasty and aggressive if I don't answer him. I have been (without realising it) been trying to not accommodate him by saying 'I'm not answering that question. But he gets aggressive and will turn round the car to double back at high speed like it's my fault. Even if we are very late! Then go's say 'if you had just answered this wouldn't have happened!'. So I end up giving in because he makes me feel like the worst person in the world.

This is the same for door locking and 'knows and switches are off!'

If I don't answer I am blamed as the problem. He knows he's irrational but he still makes out it's my fault.

I'm so frustrated. It's putting a major strain on our marriage.

Anyone else have the same 'run someone over' OCD family member? How do you answer them and do you put up with the aggression?

[Markie1974]

I have personally thought this before. And even saw roadkill on the road , thinking it might be a baby.

And yes I have gone back to check.

He is reacting to the intrusive thought , which only adds credence to the original thought and places doubt in his mind. The only way he can get better is to not check.

It's painful , I know. That's how I did it.

He should see a good psychologist for guidance

[PolarBear]

What he is doing is performing compulsions and getting mad at you if you don't help him with them. Family members should not be involved in a sufferer's compulsions. You can tell him that, straight up. Every OCD therapist out there would explain to your husband that he has to give up involving other people with his compulsions. It does absolutely no good but it does perpetuate the belief that something was wrong to begin with and ensures the whole thing will happen again.

Next time he tries to blame you, take a stand and tell him you are not to blame, his OCD is... and it's up to him to do something about it. Help is available but he has to want to change.

[Guest English Rose]

Hi, I'm new to this forum but your post immediately resonated with me as this is one of my partner's OCD thoughts, and we experience it almost every journey we make in the car. It ranges from 'Was my driving alright then?' to 'Did I hit that cyclist' and 'I didn't hurt anyone then, did I?' and he can rumenate on the thoughts for days. I find myself getting increasingly frustrated with his constant questioning and have noticed that I'm starting to get angry and snap at him - which I really don't want to do. It's not his fault, after all. I have tried to use a new approach which seemed to work for a while - when he asked me, I would say "what do you think" - it worked for a while, but now can cause more distress because he gets agitated whilst driving and says if he knew what had happened then he wouldn't be asking me. He's now on a double dose of fluoxetine, hoping to move to a triple dose (because of trials in bulimic patients - it has been proven to break OCD cycles?) but his intrusive thoughts are getting worse. It's taking its toll on our relationship and I'm starting to feel depressed because it's a mental struggle for the both of us. Has anyone else had any luck with fluoxetine? Or if anyone has any advice for me so that I can help him?