I'm overly aware of my own breathing and it's freaking me out.

[Guest rebbieh]

For a while now I've been very aware of my breathing. I'm not constantly aware of it and it usually happens when haven't got that much to do (when I'm just watching a movie or something) or when I'm trying to sleep. Throughout the day I often find myself taking quite shallow breaths and feel like I have to compensate by inhaling deeply, repeatedly, until I can really feel it in my chest.

It's pretty scary being aware of your own breathing. During the times that I'm really aware of it, I for some reason worry that I'm going to stop breathing if I don't consciously breathe. Last night for example. I was trying to sleep but I kept thinking about how I was breathing and not being able to stop the conscious breathing freaked me out. I kept tossing and turning in bed and eventually I had to listen to one song on repeat in order to think more about the song and less about the breathing. Fell asleep after a while. I think I lost about 3 hours of sleep last night due to the anxiety.

For some reason I become very aware of certain things in my body from time to time; my heartbeat, blinking, swallowing, breathing etc. However, it has never bothered me like this before. It's been going on for at least three weeks now and I find myself thinking about it at least a few times every day.

I'm diagnosed with OCD, two other anxiety disorders and depression. I think OCD is complicated and it's the only diagnosis I have that I don't understand. It's very difficult to know what is OCD and what isn't. Anyway, yesterday I read that some people have so-called "sensimotor obsessions" where they experience pretty much the things I've written about here (and/or other things) so perhaps this whole thing is caused by my OCD. I don't know.

Does anyone else experience this? Have you heard of this before? Any advice on how to get rid of it? Is it worth mentioning to my psychologist even if I don't think about these things constantly? When I think about mentioning this to my psychologist I start to worry about a few things. I, for some reason, worry that I'm lying (I've had thoughts about being a liar or making things up about various things for years now) and that the problem will disappear as soon as I mention it to her so that she'll think I'm making it up. It's stupid, I know, but I can't help it.

Edited August 19, 2014 by rebbieh

[FoosBoo88]

Hi Rebbieh,

Yes, I used to. I was the same way from about 1998 to 2009-ish. When it first started out for me though, it was a llittle known kind of anxiety and as such I was just "paranoid". It's called health anxiety, health OCD or hypochondriasis, different doctors use different terms. Sensimotor obsessions are, I believe, the "classic" trait, though anything to do with worrying about your health I guess would point to it. I used to worry about aches and pains (I cringe when I think how often I thought I had DVT!) and used to worry about things like fainting in the dentist's chair, too.

Like you, I couldn't be "in the moment", I was always thinking about my body. Was I breathing just right? Too fast? Too slow? How was my heartbeat? Regular? How much have I been going to the toilet? How much do I drink? Am I diabetic? I ate some chips, what if I drop dead of a heart attack? It was relentless, OCD is relentless.

I do have some good news, it will, eventually, become an obsession of the past. I look back at it now and I think "Ha! You know what? It's funny, that never bothers me anymore!" was it funny at the time? No, definitely not. I remember several times I'd be out walking and I'd suddenly stop because I could hear or feel my pulse, or I'd had a "bad breath" and needed to stop to get a good one. It was a hellish time. Sadly, I think no matter what the obsession, they all feel very real. If you'd asked me when I was worried about my heart whether I'd ever thought about killing my partner, I would of given you one very bizarre look and probably scoffed at you. Now, the thought that I might want to feels very, very real. Although the obsessions seem real, you have to think, "there is light at the end of the tunnel".

Do you take any medicine for your anxiety or do you receive any therapy? I'm not sure what CBT is used for this type of obsession as I never received any. I was only diagnosed as obsessive-compulsive back in January - my health obsessions were long gone by then!

FoosBoo88 x

Edited August 19, 2014 by FoosBoo88

[Guest rebbieh]

Thanks for the reply.

So I'm a hypochondriac? Even though I don't really worry about other health related things (at least not on a regular basis)? I mean, I don't worry that I've got a problem with my lungs or anything. I'm just worried I'll stop breathing if I don't consciously breathe and I worry that I won't be able to stop thinking about it. Well, I guess I won't tell my psychologist.

I'm not on any medication and I'm not really in therapy at the moment. I'm going through an assessment (for another disorder) and the psychologists have told me they want to wait and see what the result of that assessment will be before I get more regular therapy, so they can figure out what kind of help I need.

EDIT: I know this whole thing is stupid. Of course I won't stop breathing. I've been breathing fine for almost 24 years without even thinking about it. I'm alive right now, which means I can breathe when I'm not thinking about it. I don't know where the thoughts are coming from though. I don't know why I'm suddenly so painfully aware of how shallow/deep my breathing is and of inhaling and exhaling.

Edited August 19, 2014 by rebbieh

[FoosBoo88]

I can't be certain, I'm not a doctor, but that is health anxiety by it's clinical name. As I say, only a doctor can tell you for certain whether it's hypochondriasis.

In regards to your psychologist, I would tell them. If you don't tell them what's been running through your mind, they won't be able to help.

I'm not really sure how that makes sense, unless they're worried that one type of therapy might counteract another (eg. counselling for depression might become reassurance seeking, thus worsening OCD). I am worried though that you've been left sort of in the dark a bit while they figure things out. I had a 6-month gap between presenting at the doc's convinced I was going off my rocker and me actually getting help. In that period, I had plenty of time to think about my anxiety and bury myself deeper into the pit. Anxiety is one of those things, the more you leave it, the worse it gets. Did you decide not to take medicine or have you never been offered anything?

FoosBoo88 x

[Guest rebbieh]

I don't know if I dare telling a psychologist about possible Hypochondriasis. I mean, I know it's an anxiety disorder but then it's like my fear of making things up is coming true. I can't have that. Do you know what I mean?

I'm getting assessed for Asperger's syndrome and I think the reason they're waiting with therapy is because they want to see what my diagnoses will be. It might be that my OCD could be better explained by Asperger's for example. I don't know. The assessment is almost done though so hopefully I'll get some help with the anxiety soon.

I've been offered medication a few times but I'm too scared to try it.

[FoosBoo88]

Now you say that, and that puts a whole new light on things, and I do understand. I myself have mild autism so I sort of panic that I have anxiety when I'm assessed about my anxiety, it all sounds illogical, I know.

I would try not to tell a psychologist that you have Hypochondriasis. If you walk into their office and say "I think I'm a Hypochondriac" then they're going to want to see what backing you've got, along with your doctorate for your self-diagnosis. If you tell them something like what you said at the beginning of this thread (perhaps even a copy of that if you get stuck for words) they'll be able to make their own diagnosis.

I do understand, some of them can have some horrid side effects. Have you ever tried Rescue Remedy? It's natural and it has no side effects, yet it seems to really work. I swear by that stuff.

FoosBoo88 x

[Guest rebbieh]

I'm seeing a psychologist on Monday next week. If it's still bothering me then, I'll tell her about it. I think. Maybe.

[Guest thorns and roses]

morning :-\ felt like this this morning :-( it is normal not feel nice feeling is it... mine does that wen im highley anxiouse .xxx

[FoosBoo88]

Go for it. Think of it this way, as uncomfortable as it feels, once you tell them they can start helping you to overcome it. I cried when I tried to explain to the psychiatrist why I found my thoughts so abhorrent, he seemed unbothered, he just consoled me and reassured me once so I had some perspective.

It's like having an injection, it might be uncomfortable for a few minutes but once it's done, you'll be better for it.

Good luck.

FoosBoo88 x

[Guest rebbieh]

Thank you. I think I'll try.

[FoosBoo88]

Stay strong. Think of the positives. If you don't do it now, you may never get the support you need and deserve.

FoosBoo88 x

[Guest rebbieh]

I thought about my breathing several times during the day yesterday but last night it didn't bother me. I could sleep well. So perhaps I'm making it up. Perhaps it's all in my head. What if I just want attention or something? What if I want to have anxiety? What if I'm exaggerating things without meaning to? I don't know.

Edited August 20, 2014 by rebbieh

[FoosBoo88]

These are What if? Thoughts, and they are all part of anxiety. I get the, I think we all do. Your anxiety is making you doubt it's presence. If you have therapy, you will learn to to accept those thoughts so that they bother you less. When you have a thought then, you'll be able to rationalise it with a thought like "oh well, at least I'm still breathing!", "yes, I have anxiety, and that's all this is" and so on.

Anxiety is like a naughty schoolchild, it demands your attention. You have to play the teacher and learn to ignore it and treat it in ways which help prevent it from kicking up again. All of these things you will learn with therapy.

Good luck

FoosBoo88 x