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Not sure if this is OCD or something else...?!?!.


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Okay this is going to be kind of long and I don't really know what I hope to gain from posting it. Maybe just to see if anyone else with OCD has ever had issues similar, or if this is a separate thing that I need to go back to the doctor about. I've had OCD since I was about 11 so I feel like I know it pretty well, and these symptoms almost feel like a part of it but I'm not really sure.

This has been going on for the past 6 months at least. After uni stopped I got a new job, so had a lot of time on my hands and was constantly busy, but was really good OCD-wise. I also started losing weight. At first I wasn't trying - it was just a byproduct of changing my diet (I cut out meat, and started trying to eat more healthily generally). Then it got to the point where I began to really like watching my weight go down, and would skip meals/avoid certain foods entirely/not eat enough on purpose. People were starting to notice and comment. I was never overweight to begin with, in fact I have always been really small, but I had never had an issue with body image in the past.

I haven't had my period for about 6 months which I suspect is probably due to being underweight (I am technically, but not extremely), but I've had secondary amenorrhoea in the past just cause of bad anxiety/OCD so I don't really know. I'm now hypersensitive to other peoples' comments on my weight, or the amount I'm eating. I feel really bad after I eat sometimes. Like, really guilty (that is actually kind of what prompted me to post this hah). And through all of this it's felt very much like OCD. Irrational thoughts like "if you eat such and such... [catastrophic thing will happen]". Instead the 'catastrophic thing' has become weight gain. This has sort of taken over my old pure-O thoughts to an extent. I weigh myself obsessively, albeit not as much as I used to. I've stopped skipping lunch and try to eat a more normal amount (partly because uni has gone back and I've sort of been able to rationalise that it's not worth feeling like **** when I'm trying to study) although recently I've noticed I've been trying to lose weight again.

I guess I am just really not sure if this is OCD or something else or whether or not I need to go back to the psychologist about it. It's beginning to feel like a problem, but at the same time I feel like it can't be because I'm not skeletally thin and I do still eat relatively normally. I also don't want to go back because part of me wants to keep going with it or at least not put the weight I lost back on.

Sorry everyone for the rant - I haven't told anyone about this but I really needed to get it off my chest.

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Sorry to beat a dead horse by posting again. I'm just having a bit of a bad night with this and need to vent somewhere.

It's weird - the anxiety I feel feels soo much like ocd guilt and I see so many parallels but this somehow makes me feel better. I don't really know. I feel so so gross. Really compelled to continue and like a failure if I dont. Maybe this isn't the place to be posting. Just wanted to vent again and don't feel like I can tell anyone about this IRL.

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Hello,

I'm sorry to see your thread got missed before - I'm just bumping it back to the top in case it happens again.

In my very inexpert opinion, it could well be OCD (I have also had obsessions about food and weight), but equally what you're describing also sounds to me to be consistent with anorexia. I suppose there is a certain overlap of symptoms.

Anyway, I think it would be a good idea to go back to your psychologist and seek help, because whichever it is, it is obviously having a negative impact on your life.

Good luck, let us know how you get on. :)

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Thanks for the reply! I don't know what came over me - think I'd just had a bad day.

I'll probably go back at some point, because it is always at the back of (quite often the forefront) of my mind, but I've been eating fine, and couldn't weigh myself for a few days this week and didn't really care. The thought of it being a full blown separate disorder seems a bit extreme; I really don't think it's that bad. But I'm considering going back soon anyway so I might bring it up if I do.

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