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I generally have a good relationship with my family, but in recent years, every time I've seen them I've spent a good couple of days afterwards obsessively going over every bit of conversation to see whether I could've said anything that upset anyone, and I mean every last detail - and because I'm pretty loose mouthed around family I usually find something to feel guilty about. I consistently feel really down after seeing them which makes me not really want to see them.

Anyway today I went to see them and my mum ended up getting upset about something very minor but it has sent my OCD into overdrive. I can't stop going over all the bad things I ever did as a kid which upset my mum and then drawing conclusions from that about what kind of person I am.

I don't want to not want to see my family but that's where it's going :(

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I know its hard but obviously you have to stop going over everything that you have said. Its clearly a compulsion and only likely to make seeing them harder each time. Accept you might say something that upsets them but leave it to them to raise any issue with you.

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Good advice from Gemma of course. :original:

But I am interested in the raison d'etre for this "flavour of the OCD gravy".

I have found that establishing this clarifies why OCD is giving the meaning it does to the thoughts, then gives a lucid view of why the compulsions become necessary.

Maybe best way is therefore to draw up a "vicious flower" diagram of why this is happening, and the progression from initial thought around the circle of distress.

This should clarify exactly what is going on and why. Just for example (since I don't actually know why) could it be that the OCD is targeting a real core value of you actually having and cherishing a good relationship with the family, and then turning that on its head and trying to convince you otherwise ?

Knowledge is power, so establishing the vicious flower representation of what is going on should help show you the falsehoods the OCD is peddling.

Then, when you can see what is giving belief to the lies, you can consider in a calm way the best approach to "spoke" the circle of distress - disrupt it so you can break free.

Edited by taurean
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Hey there GB I know how that is I used to go over every single converstaion also& wonder oops should I of said that,re enact the conversation over & over.Please try not to feel bad I'm sure you didn'tsay intentionally harmful,maybe try to catch yourself out when the ruminations start about you saying something & try to have a healthy sort of response to the thoughts for e.g :original: .

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