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Worst ocd


Guest imthinking

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It can definitely be frustrating dealing with OCD and the way it can hamper our enjoyment of the things we want to be doing. I can't count the number of times I've thought "if these obsessions would just go away I could just ENJOY my life". OCD sucks, no doubt about that (pun intended).

One thing to keep in mind though is that while we often see other people seemingly enjoying their lives, without the cares and burdens we struggle with, its very likely that they too have their own problems and struggles. As people we all do a very good job at hiding our pains from the outside world and putting on our best face. Any time I've ever told someone about my OCD they are actually surprised. Since I lack any of the more obvious physical compulsions, its not readily apparent to anyone around me that I have this particular problem. So to them it may seem like *I* am going through life care free and just enjoying life.

The point being, it can be helpful to take inspiration from others, say a friend who has a good time traveling inspires you to explore travel, but try not to judge yourself too much by what you see from others, usually its only part of the whole store.

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I sympathise mate, but from personal experience I also believe it could perhaps be a whole whole lot worse!

My OCD's make doing literally everything a real struggle. Unlike many, I can't even no longer write or discuss many of the specifics of my OCD's. During the worst periods, I can't even bare seeing or hearing certain things, & during the very worst periods (without antidepressant) it borders on paranoia of hearing seeing certain things.

Because I suffer from multiple themes, including mental contamination, & intrusive thoughts, I often find myself in situations where many things come together, & find even carrying out neutralizing compulsions often too anxiety inducing? Does that count as an avoidance? :confused1:

It is not always this bad, & seems to come & go in episodes, but following a bad spike, I often find myself suffering a period of anxiety, depression, & sometimes also accompanied with a dissociative type disorder.

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Guest lizinlondon

Hey Felix

I have mental contamination OCD but I carry out physical compulsions like washing. It is so painful and at the moment I am very debilitated by it. I have only recently got help with CBT and meds but it is early days yet and I am still struggling. I totally know about paranoia and dissociation. Reading your post gives me some comfort x

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Hey Felix

I have mental contamination OCD but I carry out physical compulsions like washing. It is so painful and at the moment I am very debilitated by it. I have only recently got help with CBT and meds but it is early days yet and I am still struggling. I totally know about paranoia and dissociation. Reading your post gives me some comfort x

Thank you Liz,

Reading your post has given me some comfort also! :original: My first experience of dissociation happened in the early 1990's. I felt very little connection to my reflection in the mirror & I honestly though I were losing the plot! (very scary experience)

My OCD started in 2005 with hand washing & other externally visual compulsions, but has now moved on to nearly all internal type compulsions. I honestly get the impression that 1 or 2 in the health profession would see this a good result, & as if cured! :no:

I know we are all different, but with regards to CBT, I suggest taking it slowwwly! If you don't do enough ERP then you won't get better, but I feel over doing it can have serious adverse effects, & say fix the initial problem, but replace it with 2 other themes. The same goes for meds, I would try & get the lowest dose as possible where you keep some of the symptoms & keep fighting the OCD, & hopefully it will be easier to come off of them in the future, without again causing an adverse effect.

You'll get there in the end! :original:

Edited by felix4
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Guest lizinlondon

Thanks this is great advice, I will definately follow it. Thankfully I have a perceptive therapist who can see how painful it is for me. The last therapist I tried was not very compassionate and encouraged me to flood myself which nearly sent me crazy!!! It now have good support plus the advice from these forums is brill!

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Guest imthinking

I've taken medication, seen so many therapists and done my best to fight ocd. Even though I stopped taking the medication I'm still suffering from their side effects which is really bothering me.

It's indecision (apparently an ocd symptom as my psychiatrist says) that makes my life miserable and I don't see anyone mentioning this on here. I find it hard to make decisions about anything from the smallest things like choosing a spoon to have my breakfast to really big decisions in life like choosing a career. I try to choose the most perfect but this is not always achievable. I'm a second year medical student and I suspended my studies for one year to give myself sometime to think before dropping. I keep thinking: is this for me? how am I going to deal with patients having a contagious disease? The academic year is starting soon and I feel under an enormous pressure to make a decision. I've already made one career switch from IT because I was not really enjoying it (in fact I'm not sure if that was an ocd thought or a genuine dislike)

I have contamination ocd too and it is mostly manageable.

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Indecision usually stems from doubt, and OCD is ALLLLLLL about doubt, so its not surprising that many people with OCD struggle with indecision. On top of the doubt about random intrusive thoughts that OCD dumps on us, there is the secondary effect that we start wondering how the OCD will affect our lives in general, which tends to drive even MORE doubt. The avoidance can creep in to our lives more and more, and unfortunately leads some sufferers to lead very isolated, limited lives, as they try and avoid risk and doubt entirely.

One of the parts of recovery from OCD is starting to accept risk and doubt. Whatever choice you make, whether its to continue medical school, or move on and try something different, is ultimately up to you of course, but its a choice you'll have to make. And here's the hard part, you might make the "wrong" choice. There's no way to know what the future holds, at some point you have to choose a path, otherwise you'll just be stuck and never get anywhere. Its perfectly reasonable to take time to think about major decisions, but you'll never know 100% and OCD feeds on that doubt, even if its just a little. We all make choices, and none of us makes all the "right" ones in life. The thing is, no matter what you choose, its not the end of the world (though OCD sometimes makes it feel that way). You're going to have to make a choice eventually, so my advice is to give yourself a deadline, gather up the facts, get advice from people you trust, make a choice, and see what happens next!

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Guest imthinking

Thanks a lot dksea, your advice is really helpful and logical (actually better than my psychitrist's). I can't be 100% sure which path is the right one and I will never be. Perfectionism makes it worse as I'm not satisfied until I find my perfect match. I've come to the conclision that I need to accept doubt and imperfection because either way there are both of them.

Can ocd attack our feelings too? I'm in doubt over my hate of my previous career.

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Can ocd attack our feelings too? I'm in doubt over my hate of my previous career.

hi there

sorry to great you're having a rubbish time with OCD at the minute. with regards to your question above, OCD can definitely make you doubt your feelings, and this is something I've struggled with in the past. The ways in which OCD can attack us are almost limitless. But the good news is it's possible to recover from it and leave it behind x

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Guest imthinking

Ascend, I agree all ocd is horrible.

I mean I have contamination ocd too but the thoughts rarely stay with me for days but with particular decision (or thought), ocd has found a way to torture me constantly for three years. It's made me feel directionless and depressed.

gingerbreadgirl, thanks for sharing your experience :-)

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I get indecisions about my ocd and compulsions all the time, it's terrible.

Since so many things are mentally contaminated now, it is usually always trying to decide between the least worsts and it's very very difficult to decide. Have an important thing to get done. Ok, though not today cause todays date is contaminated and represents (ocd memory). Ok, tomorrow then? No that dates contaminated also and represents (ocd memory). The day after? Same. What about the day after that? Yeh that ones ok I guess, I'll wait until then. Then that day arrives and something happens that day that spikes me and so that day is ruined and I fear it's going to be remembered and linked to that, so I think I should wait again. Though the next day is another bad one by the date and already represents another bad thing. So what do I do? Can't keep waiting. The day after is not so great either. So have to just choose one bad one and accept the exposure, though can't decide which is more acceptable. Then back and forth, deciding and then losing nerve at the last min or finding something else wrong.

Same with choices among things or companies or locations. This one has this bad correlation with it's name, so what are my other options? What about the next option? Oh their logo reminds me of some bad ocds and memories. What about that other one? I don't know, the name is so similar to some bad thing, I mean if you simply replace the first vowel it'd be that word? Oh this one then? Yeh that one is ok, though the name of the street it is on isn't. What about this one? It's ok though the number of it's address is bad. Maybe this other one is ok? No cause it is.... Darn girl there are no options left, those are your only choices, so choose one!!!! Ok, I have to choose one of those, I know. Argh, which one? What is the least worst contaminated one? What is most ok? What could I handle? Takes me forever as I go back and forth between them and waste so much time and give more time for something else to happen to change it all again!!!!

Or at the store and counting the products and choosing the 'good' (ocd numbered) one of a product. So I'm ok now right? That stupid little compulsion has satisfied you? No.... cause the items are not in perfect line or order. Is this one really that number? Or should I start from left to right and count the first row first? Or start with the left one and count back first and then to the other row? And what about the ones that are not aligned and off, which numbers are those ones? Ok, put the product back I think this other one is really that number one. No, maybe not, try again! Wait, what is this bad feeling and thought that came to my mind when I picked that one up? Can't get that one. Try again. Maybe I shouldn't get this product at all, any of them! Ok this one is it. Wait, though is this number really ok or the best number? Sure it represents some good things, though it also represents some bad things also, and so maybe I'm linking those bad things it represents to this product? Ok, try a different number, that one should be ok. Wait, didn't something bad happen recently that was related to that number? Do I consider it good or bad? Which is it? What freaking compulsion do I need to do to feel ok about this product? Oh I'll just get this one, forget it, this is taking too long! So, I start to walk away with it, though then I get hit with another doubt and not right feeling, so I go back and grab a different one. Then I look at the expiration date on it, and of course it is a bad number! Why did I look at the date? Argh! Now I have to find one further back that has a different date! Ok, finally find one, I'll get this one. I feel fine now, this is it, lets go. Now, cue intrusive threatening thought about buying any of the products from that brand that something bad would happen if I do. %@#! %@#! you OCD!

Yeh, I'm completely Mental!

Edited by ADD
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Guest imthinking

ADD, I know how hard it can be to go shopping. I definitely relate to this. My ocd uses perfectionism to bug me with ridiculous doubts during shopping and it's really hard to buy anything without thinking "what if there's a better one I didn't notice or in another store".

I currently try to train my brain to accept imperfect things because we are living in a world full of them and I can't turn them all perfect. I just want to live in peace.

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