lost my skills to stop ruminating

[battlethrough]

I feel like im slipping back into the cavern of depression

I keep needing mental reasurance but my brain is sure its not ocd

As ive said on here many times,over the years I have albeit unknowingly fanasized about someone I thought was older,although I think I may have known they were young but wasnt so worried as it was ok in the relm of fantasy,either way I cant move on

I used to be able to distract but my head keeps pulling me in,does it sound like pure o

I constantly think of sinarios where rock stars dated much younger girls to yhink well the world doesnt hate them,and googling things to compare myself and I never seem to feel ok with it

The thing is its that one thing that holds me back,how can it be ocd when I enjoyed a fantasy of a developed teen,i feel so grim

Should I still try and use the4 step even though I intentionally fantasized once even though its all intrusive now,im lost and loseing it more,i just dont know if it can be ocd

[Imhotep]

Try using CBT techniques, as they can also be used to help with depression. I know that meditation works for me, although you have to be very disciplined. You mentioned how those thoughts are now intrusive, and as such need to be dealt with, using the 4 steps or ERP

Edited August 21, 2014 by Imhotep

[battlethrough]

Thanks,

I hate myself for throwing the same questions out there

Its just that every time I slip its like starting from square one as all my meditaition and strength and knowledge seem lost

[battlethrough]

How do I relable/step1

Do I say im haveing an obsessive thought about a fantasy I once had that I feel guilt about or just im haveing an obsessive thought

Also im lable my analizeing as my compulsion

Could someone please spell out how I should approach the4 steps with this paticular mix of guilt of and intrusive thoughts,it doesnt seem to go together with4 steps

[PolarBear]

I'm not a big four step fan but the methodology to be used is fairly straight forward.

You acknowledge you're having an intrusive thought. Affirm with yourself you will not ruminate over the thought. Get on with your day. If you catch yourself ruminating, affirm you won't do it anymore and continue.

[battlethrough]

I havnt ever got on with it either,ive found it makes me give it to much attention,but im grasping at straws

Usually I can work with accepting life for what it is,be it good bad or ugly,and understanding we all have a bit of each in us,also giving anything negative no time,but ive been swept under the wave,ill get back on it,ive been fighting to long to give up

[Franklin12]

I know this is hard - you're disappointed with yourself for something real that you did, and you cant get rid of the guilt because you cant make the thing 'un-happen'. I get this and I know how it eats you up. But I think your head has blown this way out of proportion - you had a fantasy about a developed teen (that just came up as a 'vase' on predictive text - now that would be a weird fantasy). For what it's worth, and I know it's reassurance, I dont think this is worthy of all the self-loathing that you are giving yourself. I think you should decide to let it go and move on. I think you deserve peace of mind over this. Make a decision to let it go and get tough with the voice inside telling you you're a bad person. You're not, it's very obvious. Commit to letting it go, and then follow through by refusing to engage with this thought any longer.

[Guest ADD]

The thing is its that one thing that holds me back,how can it be ocd when I enjoyed a fantasy of a developed teen,i feel so grim

It's OCD cause you're obsessing about it and getting intrusive thoughts about it and can't let it go or accept it.

You think you're wrong for it and can't forgive yourself. Though that is ultimately not true cause if it were then most people who have had a fantasy about a developed teen would feel the same way you do, though they don't. It is you who is making it wrong.

OCD is not simply about if something happened or not or fear of something happening. It is being overly disturbed by things and not accepting them. Whether it is something you see, hear, do or think, doesn't matter. You overreact and fight it, cause of OCD.

You have to get to the point where you make it OK that you had that fantasy, and OK that you enjoyed it. That is the only way your mind is going to leave you alone about it. And you have to be OK that you feel guilt about it or confused about it. And OK that you get intrusive thoughts about it still.

It's when we don't accept and fight what happens that we get stuck in the loop and intrusive thoughts and broken record. Same thing when I get an unwanted intrusive thought or get exposed to something unwanted that I really did not want to. Still have to accept it happened and make it OK that it happened, OK that I wasn't able to avoid it.

OK doesn't mean that you approve of it. OK doesn't mean you like it. You can still dislike all of these things and prefer that they do not happen. Though you're still OK when they do or have, cause anything else is resistance to what can't be changed now. There is no choice to change the past. So these things are OK cause they already happened. What happened happened. So move on.

[Guest ADD]

I'm certainly not saying it is easy though! Ultimately we really don't know why certain things bother us so much more than other things and why we can't accept them.

Though we can try to work on accepting them. It's a slow process.

Edited August 21, 2014 by ADD

[battlethrough]

Thanks to everyone whos given time to support,your advice and wisdom realy has been a life saver at times,and I mean that literally

The questions I go over and over mentaly are fruitless,i will never get an awnser but I slip back into searching every little speck in my brain for reasurance and self punishing,

Mentaly I say,what if they were under age,how many years under,1,2,3, years maby,did I fantasize then or when they were older and if they were legal would that still be wrong,what if people can see this vile in me,ect ect ect,i never get to any reasoning, it just go round and round

So with your advice I have to stop giving this subject any of my time,its taken up enough of my life and I want to leave it behind so I can live in the present

When I start to feel myself going into analizeing how do I put the brakes on,i understand if you try and stop it it gets stronger,like the snap a rubberband method it can give it to much attention,could someone offer advice on this first stopping ruminating

[PolarBear]

Well, you just stop.

You recognize that you are ruminating or you're about to and you consciously decide not to. It helps to go do something else. Exercise, read a book, wash the dishes, whatever you would have done if you weren't ruminating.

It won't work straight away. You have to practice. The more you practice the better you'll get.

[Franklin12]

To be honest I am really strict with myself and when the ruminating starts I just tell myself off, like I'm a naughty kid. In fact I have kind of come to see my OCD as a naughty kid who needs a firm hand. I've read all the warnings about things turning into compulsions but it seems to work. I make up my mind what my line is on something - in your case you are going to decide to let it go and stop punishing yourself - and then don't deviate from that line. No what ifs and buts and should haves and could haves. You had a fantasy and you accept that it happened, but you deserve to let it go. Full stop, get busy, move on.