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You won't feel progress straight away gem, it takes time.

You need to un train yourself from all the bad habits you've picked up. It won't happen over night unfortunately, but the harder you try and the more you change our attitude towards it the quicker you will see changes :)

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Guest PaulM

Gemzi3,

First of all - WELL DONE! I've read through the comments and you're making incredible progress!

This so stressful!

Would that have been silly to tell someone to wash their hands after touching my hair? They're not to know are they, why didn't I warn them theres excess dye, I feel really guilty

Hyper-responsibility - one of OCD's chief henchmen that affects me very badly too.

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Guest PaulM

I know that feeling well. But try to remember it is just a feeling.

In an exposure I was doing a couple of years ago I was touching the soles of my shoes and not washing my hands immediately after. At one point I did it and my doctor asked me to not wash my hands until I was going to eat.

The first thing that came to mind was a mum coming onto the bus with her baby and touching the hand rail my hand touched and then the child getting sick because her mum touched the handrail after me touching my shoes before. My mind had all sort of rotten scenarios built up and I felt it was irresponsible of me to do something so risky. But in the end I did it. It felt awful. I felt rotten.

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Guest PaulM

I felt worse for a bit. I was on my way to pick up my daughter after the appointment. I had to pick her up. I felt even more horrible that I didn't wash my hands before I got her. It was on my mind when I gave her a hug and got her school bag, when we went for dinner (although at that time I was allowed to wash my hands). The situations kept getting worse because now I felt I had contaminated her clothes and her school bag.

We just did our thing, and her happiness is infectious, so we had dinner, did homework, etc., while the thoughts were there. Then, strangely enough, the anxiety went down over the course of the evening. It took a few days to stop beating myself up. It felt irresponsible that I wasn't feeling as anxious and I was really hard on myself. I started to think I was a bad person. But then I started to think about the advice from the doctor. In some small way it was a kick to the OCD crotch.

I knew I wanted to get better, and I knew my daughter wants me to get better, so I tried to think of it as an achievement. And I think that plays a big part in recovery - seeing these things as achievements against OCD instead of failing to protect people from my actions.

Edited by PaulM
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Gemzi, you say you have difficulty distinguishing between a real worry and an OCD worry. In reality there are no OCD worries for you. All of the things you've excessively worried about are technically real situations. The problem is that OCD is latching onto them and making them seem far more dangerous than they really are.

No one would be concerned about the hair dye. The reason you are is because OCD has latched onto it and blown the danger level out of proportion.

So how can you tell when OCD is tricking you or not? First, no one else around you is concerned. That happened with the crisps. You said they tasted off, someone tried them and immediately forgot about them. That person showed no concern for danger.

Second, you feel compelled to do things when OCD is at play. Those are compulsions and you do them regularly. You check on the Internet to see if it's harmful. You buy all of a product to protect other people. You post on here looking for reassurance. You catastrophize -- you think the world is going to end because of a situation. These are all compulsions and serve to tell you that OCD is at play.

So you can actually tell if OCD is tricking you or not. You just have to pay attention to the signs.

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I'm trying to do that. what you described sounds exactly like me Polar.

I liked your thing Paul.

So I got home from work and then washed my hair, the colour was still running out slightly...I got water on my face obviously because I was in the shower.

I'm trying to keep calm about the fact that my hair is still having excess dye coming off it, which isn't making me feel calm at all.

I'm so unsure as part of my is saying yes this is ocd and catastrophizing, but another part of me cant shakeoff the fact that there IS dye coming off, therefore how can I not be concerned.

Its been over a week now. It doesn't feel normal

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It probably means you need a new hairdresser ;) lol

It's fine Gem, carry on with your evening, focus your attention on something else. No worrying, no what if this what if that, no 'the dye is still coming out'.. Just do something else.

Read? Okay games? Watch a film? A comedy?

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It will do, just try your best to engage in watching something. Or I find housework is a great distraction for me! You're in a habit of getting the thought, oh no! What if this happened!?, ruminate, seek reassurance, doesn't work, another thought and so on.

You need to stop those 'what ifs' and avoid ruminating. The best way to do this is distraction and knowing that this is all down to ocd. You are not your thoughts, OCD mimics reality like a broken machine.

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Guest PaulM

You're doing well, Gemzi3. Really well! :)

Remember, those are just feelings. And as my therapist would say, my thoughts are not reality.

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The woman was really nice.

I'm just confused now.

She wants to work with me she said, and that if I can do Thursday 8am - 9am which is nice, but I start work at 9am.

I wouldnt get there until 09.25 every week? I've just started there so not sure thats good.

I was seeing a threapist privately for mindfullness and hypno and stuff, but it costs a bit of money but I'll feel bad if I go see this new woman but its available to me.

I have another assessment with another place on the 17th, not sure wether to still go there? If i do I'd need to request a half day of annual leave as my appointment is at 10am.

I dunno how to do this when working full time :-(

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Guest PaulM

The woman was really nice.

I'm just confused now.

She wants to work with me she said, and that if I can do Thursday 8am - 9am which is nice, but I start work at 9am.

I wouldnt get there until 09.25 every week? I've just started there so not sure thats good.

I was seeing a threapist privately for mindfullness and hypno and stuff, but it costs a bit of money but I'll feel bad if I go see this new woman but its available to me.

I have another assessment with another place on the 17th, not sure wether to still go there? If i do I'd need to request a half day of annual leave as my appointment is at 10am.

I dunno how to do this when working full time :-(

Does your employer provide time off for medical appointments?

Do you think your employer would let you work an extra 25 minutes to make up for the time?

Are there laws that protect you as a worker with a medical condition? I'm in Canada so I don't know what laws exist in Scotland.

My employer is the first I've had where I need to use made up time or vacation time for medical appointments. In the past anyone I've worked for allowed for medical appointments as part of their compensation. It makes sense for an employer to encourage employees to be healthy!

In my case I'm whittling down my vacation time every week for my CBT appointments. It's not the way I'd envisioned my holidays, but it's worth it.

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