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Jedi Master Scarface

Bulletin Board User
  • Posts

    204
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Dermatillomania/ Some other stuff too.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    England
  • Interests
    Hey, witch doctor give us the magic words!
    All right, ooo, eee, ooo, ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang.
    Alright!

    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo, eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    I told the witch doctor
    I was in love with you
    I told the witch doctor
    I was in love with you
    And then the witch doctor
    He told me what to do

    He told me

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla ,bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    I told the witch doctor
    You didn't love me true
    I told the witch doctor
    You didn't love me nice
    And then the witch doctor
    He gave me this advice

    He told me

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    You've been keeping love from me
    Just like you were a miser
    And I'll admit it wasn't very smart
    So I went out and found myself
    A guy that's so much wiser
    And he taught me the way to win your heart.

    My friend the witch doctor
    He taught me what to say
    My friend the witch doctor
    He taught me what to do
    I know that you'll be mine
    When I say this to you

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    You've been keeping love from me
    Just like you were a miser
    And I'll admit it wasn't very smart
    So I went out and found myself
    A guy that's so much wiser
    And he taught me the way to win your heart.

    My friend the witch doctor
    He taught me what to say
    My friend the witch doctor
    He taught me what to do
    I know that you'll be mine
    When I say this to you

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang

    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
    Walla walla, bing bang
    Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Ok, not talked here for some time. Life has been meh since the last time but currently i am suffering. I hate competitions, I have been obsessing over the same sports team for some time and I cant stand it if they lose. I feel sick, I cant cope, I cry and honestly it has the chance to ruin my day and even my week to the point I fall to deep lows. I'm crying as I write this at the thought of it. I've been told that I most likely have some form of autism too and going through that process but I feel this involves some bad obsession. I shake, my head hurts. I've tried on my own to ignore this, but I am forced now to not watch the team because I just cant cope. I also lash out at my family when I really wished I didnt. I need help. I need a new brain.
  2. Thank you for your reply. In regards to when I get the dreams, they usually wake me up in the early. The meds I do take have been used for over a year without this issue. This seems to have started only recently so I don't believe they have had any impact after so long. I'll have a look at some of your suggestions, thanks. It is just difficult to fight something that could very well turn out true in the end. I could cope if it was something that just hurt me emotionally, but that isn't the case here, and that truly frightens me to know how badly it'd affect people I care about to have their feelings torn apart and stress over this so much.
  3. I'm having a problem as of late. My brother moved out recently and he happens to be a bit, shall I say, testing. Anyway, ever since that point, I have been having horrific long dreams about situations where he hurts himself or just....gah. It doesn't help that he has issues which I hate to talk about here because while I'm comfortable to talk about my problems, I've no right to tell anyone else about his. I can't help myself, it is on my mind awake, asleep, any time. I don't want to sleep any more, the dreams are so realistic that I wake up thinking they actually occurred. Worst thing is that we kind of left things on a bad note in the last few months and so he doesn't even speak to me. Is there any meds or help I can take to at least get through this?
  4. I know I'm late to the party, but I'd like to add something. Science people (well they have specific titles but we all merge those names into 'scientist' anyway) declared that by merely smiling would encourage and actually improve a persons view on their health. This isn't me saying that what you or snowbear feels are false (certainly not what I intend) but in a way, our mindset on the issues we encounter can be tackled in some way by our own minds. Positive thinking even in the slightest can just give us this short relief that builds up our confidence that we can fight this pain. Sometimes, pain will be pain regardless... but we can at least fight it for our emotions. Pain makes us upset but it doesn't mean it controls us. Perseverance is key, don't let it win, don't give in to the attention of it (I know it's difficult as I've felt that before...I had norovirus when I was really young, my whole week was dedicated to me just trying to sleep 10 minutes which as a youthful one was not fun for anyone). I have actually tried the whole 'smile in pain' thing when I feel it. I don't know whether it works but the mere fact that I am actively using my mind to try that tactic engages my mind in projecting this smile, therefore leaving less thought on the pain itself. I felt better and able to confront and overtake it surprisingly. I feel this is more so a mental technique but it helps. It is an occupational technique which may help in other ways (I'm not sure of those, not a scientist but smiling has many more reasons behind it and we have not fully discovered our on brains yet so I am being open to new things). I can still use this despite any realisation because in the end, I'm giving myself a task. which I shall complete regardless. Lotty... I hope you get better in whatever way you can, we'll be here for you. P.S - Sorry snowbear for the pains you're going through. I hope it improves for you, you're a great person who helps so many (including myself) on this site despite your pain. Bravery at its finest, wisdom in its greatest.
  5. I think you're being too kind and forgiving of his actions. You explain all of these terrible things he has done and then you factor in that he apologises afterwards at times and that you HOPE he changes. You gave him many more chances than he actually deserves. From the first instance to the latest, had he changed his ways? Not from what you describe. Has he admitted his actions and shown true remorse? Not from what you have said. Is there any inclination that he will consider changing in the future? Not from anything you've said. I think others and see that others view that physical and mental abuse is an unforgivable act which does no merit forgiveness as you've given to your boyfriend. There is a point in this where you will look back and realise how he was absolutely worthless to 'save' and that the best thing for you and any potential victims in the future that he may harm, is to punish him through the law that he has committed his career to. Your boyfriend works in the police, he knows his actions, he CHOSE to harm you, and in that respect he has CHOSEN to risk being punished for it. For the sake of not only yourself but any other people that he could hurt (I certainly wouldn't like him to be my local bobby), collect all potential evidence and bring any witnesses to the coppers, and make sure this 'man' does not hurt anyone ever again as he has done to you. I've linked a couple of sites which I believe have free to call numbers for advice. They may be more helpful in dealing with your issues. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/
  6. Propanolol worked very well with my anxiety personally. Actually, it removed most of the symptoms I had from it (apart from the actual panic, but no symptoms made it easier to defeat the panic quickly). Diazepam is risky due to the whole addiction front of it, would only use those in extreme circumstances and I've only used them when I had no other choice or it was a major undertaking.
  7. Man oh man, what a couple of days I've had. I've lost my job due to speculative reasons about my work ethic (though I did as asked at all points). I'm arguing with myself over what happened and what I did wrong, I can't seem to find a reason that is satisfactory...they just cut me off and I am not dealing with that well. I am most likely being biased but... I can't accept things, my work ethic... I'd work till I can no longer walk, I want to have a life so bad, I'm willing to make those sacrifices. Not good enough still, I must not complain or have a personality... they want me dead inside, not myself. So, how am I to cope? How to improve? I feel bad thoughts rushing to me, not to mention those who helped me get to my happiness have abandoned me when it got tough. I'm alone again, I don't know what I'm going to do, what career do I have? Do I try college again or not? My mind is a mess, no surprise that I'm not doing so well, I'm lost again.
  8. Welcome to the forums! Btw, I also suffer from Dermatillomania and unfortunately, lips are not the only victim for me...in fact, everything and anything is at stake. The NHS sent you to a good site to learn more on this type of stuff. Myself, had it as long as I can remember and basically do it for the same reasons you do. This isn't something to ignore either, it is connected to very serious problems such as OCD, depression, anxiety etc. From my personal views, CBT could help, though I would commit to having just the picking thing sorted out if that is all. Many professionals that I saw ignored my problems and didn't commit to resolving it. Basically, as you said... it wasn't that big of a problem. But it is, you're scarring yourself... sabotaging yourself and for what reason? You're lucky in the fact that someone told you what you had, I was not despite having a completely obvious list of symptoms. Now back to you, fight this now, fight it hard, and don't let it go as if it means nothing. Every time you catch yourself doing this, stop it. I know from personal experience that this is hard to do, but it is worth it. Right now, I'm looking at my scars, resenting each one of them, resenting how my boss saw them and disliked them, asking me to simply 'stop'. But you have the strength to defeat it and you will defeat it.
  9. See, people could say that it is an intrusive thought, but that would be reassurance and wouldn't help you deal with this better. So, re-read what you wrote, as you answered your own 'thoughts' each time you explained them here. You know the answer already, your OCD is trying to convince you otherwise.
  10. Well it may be caused by stress or anxiety but what I find to be the main cause is pulling a muscle. Bloody pain, can tell you that. Stiff neck, painful to move at points the whole shabang. Try not to worry about it though, if it is anxiety and stress, obsessing isn't going to make it any better. Calm down and try and let your mind move away from it.
  11. Nothing happened, so nothing to worry about. Flirty, social, friendly... whatever it was didn't harm anyone and no one should judge it so much. People make presumptions whether they know the entire truth or not. Don't fear going back to work, it isn't worth fretting about. I have trouble with perceiving people's views of me, specifically if I happen to do something embarrassing in public. I've still done that, had it happen, got embarrassed and moved on. It isn't nice feeling as if you're being judged negatively, I can attest to that. But buckling under the fear is worse for me as I wouldn't be able to live my life, always afraid. I want to live, to move on with things and knuckle down. So far the only thing I have gained from living in fear has been a year wasted acting just like a zombie and riding dangerously close to depression the entire time. So go to work, ignore whatever rumours that may or may not appear (personally, rumours are fickle in a way that once a new exciting piece of gossip gets thrown up then anything before is out the window and forgotten about within minutes). It is kind of like the rumours you get when at school really. Did this happen? Did that happen? ooooooohh, ermagherd! And you feel as if the entire school has an invested interest in whatever happened. Then it turns out to be a completely worthless gossip and everyone just kinda moves on. That is why The Jeremy Kyle Show exists....gossip and rumours galore! and maybe a bit of swearing too. As italian-americans stereotypically say "Fuhgettaboutit".
  12. People's perceptions of a scenario can be wildly different to what is actually occurring. Even if that conversation was about you, he remarked that he didn't notice and that he didn't consider that conclusion before being notified. But then again, they could have very well been talking about something completely different. Anyways, doesn't really matter. Before you heard this conversation, did you believe you were flirting? Now I'm going to say something, flirting is in many ways harmless. Everyone does this, even tiny amounts, just normal as kind of a social thing sometimes. I wouldn't look into it if it was just some nice words spoken or dancing, harmless and nobody should feel threatened by that, nor should it prevent you from going to work. As for the dating scene, yeah he happens to be taken so cross him off. Why not go onto some online dating sites and try and talk to guys(or gals) and see how that progresses. There is a free site, plentoffish, just type that into google and bam, you should find it. No hesitation needed, more than ever are people going to these sites to find partners or just a person to talk to. You won't be alone there and if that is what you desire, try it even for a short while. I know people who have found happiness on these sites, maybe you will too.
  13. It's quite weird really, I've experienced all symptoms that you have explained here. I don't have anything wrong with me, perfectly healthy and still going around alive. You need to calm down, you were doing great with not expressing your 'symptoms', in fact, it was quite an achievement. But this is a lapse in progress. Start again, you have gotten to get to better place and if you just continue fighting it. I can't say anything else really. Can I convince you that these 'symptoms' aren't something to panic about.... but I'm not talking to you, am I? I'm trying to convince the OCD in you. Time to accept some truth, no matter what your symptom, even if a mere cold, google will always reply with a negative. Calm down, I can attest to the fact that the things you've experienced, I have too. In fact, when I read all your posts, I was humoured by the familiarity with myself. But I haven't stressed myself so much, because it isn't worth it and I've moved on. Just calm down a bit, don't fret and just live. I know that this may not be what you want to hear but the reply you want is reassurance and I nor anyone else should do that. Continue fighting OCD, you got so far and I can believe you can go further, you're being a brave person and I admire your bravery, this is just a little speed bump.
  14. I haven't spoken here too often lately. Just felt no need to as I didn't have much to say, though I do keep an eye out for people I could help when the usual suspects miss them. Recently though, I have been scouring the market for an apprenticeship so I can further my career options substantially and get that well needed experience that each company touts as being essential. Well, I'm on the verge of getting one. Only, it is in the city centre. Something I haven't divulged is that my anxiety issues and reluctance to leave my home all began there, at the city centre in one hour of complete horror and distress. And here I am just about to commit the next year of my life to the place that took so much time from me already. I hate this place, it is my absolute kryptonite, it is the epicentre of my anxiety and the thought of even going there worries me. But I have to do it, or else I'm never going to pass through it. Kind of ironic, this being the place I need to go to, why oh why must it have been this place.
  15. Well, I never think it is a good thing to think about harming yourself or others. I've done as such in my darkest times and I've gotten through it because I was honest with those who helped me. I have looked through your past posts thoroughly as well as this one, be honest. Seriously, I have a habit of thinking the absolute worst so when I began to become depressed, everyone surely knew it and I was being examined as soon as possible. I became suicidal over homework, yeah that pushed me over the edge. So when I say be honest, it means it will get you help quickly. I don't believe you will necessarily harm others but at this moment in time, I would never dream of killing myself and yet....I did so in the past. It is about your thoughts on these actions, you need to find the cause and rid yourself of it. Being honest will help greatly in professionals understanding why you're in the state you are and give you better solutions. By lying about your thoughts and feelings, you're giving them a false answer and they can't help you nearly as much as they could if they were to know your true feelings. Be honest with them, even if it was to tell them that you don't like them. I don't like some doctors I come across and in fact in one situation, I had a doctor I didn't like give me home visit purely due to the fact I made it clear that I didn't feel he was up to par with standards and felt he lacked emotional understanding. He committed himself to making sure my views of him were improved and problems were dealt with. Though, I would also say that sometimes, they don't say something that you'd like. They're kind of like going to the dentist, if you know you've been good then no problem but if you know something is up then you're unhappy about the whole thing haha . Just don't hide your problems, because if you do, then how can they possibly help you?
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