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Need help with intrusions/false memory


Guest stuckinmyhead

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Hi everyone massively struggling today so wanted to ask some questions and get some advice. Another old obsession/ memory has resurfaced that I was abusive to a child when I was 12/13 when I took them to the toilet. Il get the intrusive most of the time but sometimes il deliberately pull the images up in my head to see if I remember doing it. Is this thought to be something we would do with ocd? Also the more I ruminate the more I get more images and even feelings like feeling like I felt like I was doing wrong and telling myself that on that day. Is that another intrusion? Or an actually memory? I'm beside myself with worry that I did something terrible because I feel like I did with the images/feelings/guilt/hazy memory. Feel like it's actually real and think what if I'm suppressing a real memory with ocd techniques? And I just can't accept that I did wrong. Also read that people with false memories know they aren't real? So why do I think it is? Course there's gaps and things that don't add up but to me it feel incredibly real. Does this mean I'm just not thinking clearly? I once got clarity of this once when I began obsessing over something else and this seemed obsurd. But now it doesn't. How will I know I just thought it was untrue because it's not something I'd do as an adult now I'm in an adult mind set when I could have done it as a child. I'm so so confused. If anyone can help with this please take the time to reply thanks so much stuck x

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Guest stuckinmyhead

I'm just struggling so much polarBear because of how real it all feels. How can it feel this real if it's not? Also the depression has set in now where I'm not enjoying anything and feeling like I need to confess incase I have done it to my boyfriend ti see if he would still want me. The guilt and doubt is just completely destroying me

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Do not confess. It will only put a strain on your relationship. It won't make you feel any better.

Nothing has changed. You're dealing with OCD and you have to treat it as OCD. Resist and stop those compulsions. Stop going over this in your head, again and again. Leave the thought alone. It's just a thought.

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Guest stuckinmyhead

Strain on my relationship? I just don't know how to treat it as ocd when it feels this real?! I don't understand how it can feel practically identical to memory- like the feelings at the time. And there's gaps in my memory from when I took those children to the loo- how will I ever know if I did something terrible to them? Iv just completely hit a brick wall with all this. I'm deliberately bringing the images into my head to test if they are memories or not. Is that an ocd technique?

Biggest thing here is I obsess over real things Iv done and also have had false memories in the past- they getting added on you could say when I go over something then in time realise that was false. Question I suppose is how do I know if I'm fighting with a REAL situation or a FALSE one? :((((((((

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Strain on my relationship? I just don't know how to treat it as ocd when it feels this real?! I don't understand how it can feel practically identical to memory- like the feelings at the time. And there's gaps in my memory from when I took those children to the loo- how will I ever know if I did something terrible to them? Iv just completely hit a brick wall with all this. I'm deliberately bringing the images into my head to test if they are memories or not. Is that an ocd technique?

Biggest thing here is I obsess over real things Iv done and also have had false memories in the past- they getting added on you could say when I go over something then in time realise that was false. Question I suppose is how do I know if I'm fighting with a REAL situation or a FALSE one? :((((((((

Why wouldn't it feel real? We hear this all the time on the forum, people complaining that the thoughts seem too real. Well how fake should they feel in order to qualify for being OCD? At the end of the day, the intrusive thoughts come from your brain -- the same place all your other thoughts come from. So of course they are going to seem real.

Deliberately conjuring up the images and testing if they are real memories is a compulsion and you need to stop doing it.

You are no doubt dealing with OCD, which has latched onto an insignificant event from your past and blown it all out of proportion. The thing is, nothing anyone says here will give you the clarity to realize what you are remembering is false. There is no reason to try and convince you that it is true, since you won't believe it anyway. What you need to do is stop questioning whether the thoughts are true or not and just treat it as OCD.

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Been meaning to reply to this thread for the last day but never got around to it. I continue to suffer with what I hope are false memories- they feel real; if they didn't they wouldn't have the effect on us that they do. I also do the scenario checking thing to test whether they are real memories or not. This never works and just digs you deeper into a hole. PB is right- we need to cut the compulsions (scenario checking, memory checking etc.). They will never find a satisfactory answer to our questions. We have to let go. It's the hardest thing to do but it's the only way back out of the hole.

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