Afraid god will punish me - OCD

[Guest jpr56]

Hello everyone.

I'm creating this topic because I'm afraid and desperate at the moment. To make a long story short; I'm afraid God will punish me and turn me into a sick, horrible person. I've been diagnosed with OCD a few years back and I'm struggling with it at the very moment. I have fear of being a horrible person. Almost everything I do on a daily basis has to do with me trying to be a good person and afraid to make mistakes. I am so terribly afraid I'm not a good person. I'm afraid God will punish me for thinking bad of him. I've never been a huge believer in God, and sometimes I question certain things about religion. I am not against religion at all, I think anyone should believe what they want to. I'm afraid because I think this god will turn me into a disgusting, awful person. I've been struggling with POCD as well for a very long time, and at this point I'm afraid God will turn me into a pedophile if I make mistakes or think badly of him. I've shared more about my OCD in this topic: http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=72375, so it's been a long time struggling and I'm just so... so tired.

Can anyone assist me or help me?

Edited May 1, 2016 by jpr56

[Phili]

God will not make you anything other than what you are. He only asks for kindness. If you are afraid of being a horrible person, then you are not one. Bad people don't worry about being bad. That is all the reassurance you are getting :original:

I know you are tired, I know how that feels but the march has to go on. You know what you have to do, distract, let the thoughts be.

From the wisest man on the planet (in my opinion).

Questioning religion is not questioning God.

OK, my post is about understanding from the religious point of view. I am not being preachy, just trying to offer your non OCD side a little comfort in this subject matter.

Ah, am I even slightly helpful?

Edited May 1, 2016 by Ashley
Removed links to images

[bruces]

To be fair I think realistically if there was a god there wouldn't be suffering

[Phili]

To be fair I think realistically if there was a god there wouldn't be suffering

That isn't fair. If there was no suffering in the world then we would all be spoiled with no compassion, no drive, no empathy. Besides, this is not a thread about religion. Your comment isn't helping Jpr at all.

Why remove my images? I can't edit it, my post makes no sense.

[Caramoole]

Besides, this is not a thread about religion.

No it isn't. It's about someone's religious based OCD worries. The O/P even says that they don't even particularly have a belief in God so your religious quotes Phili aren't going to provide much comfort or solace anyway........I know that's difficult when you personally hold strong beliefs and gain strength and comfort from such

But in essence, religion isn't the core problem here.....OCD is and we have to look at that.

Why remove my images?

I didn't remove them personally but we largely don't allow links or images on the forum. There is a bit of leeway allowed in the Members area but even then, over use of large images isn't encouraged

[Phili]

No it isn't. It's about someone's religious based OCD worries. The O/P even says that they don't even particularly have a belief in God so your religious quotes Phili aren't going to provide much comfort or solace anyway........I know that's difficult when you personally hold strong beliefs and gain strength and comfort from such

But in essence, religion isn't the core problem here.....OCD is and we have to look at that.

I didn't remove them personally but we largely don't allow links or images on the forum. There is a bit of leeway allowed in the Members area but even then, over use of large images isn't encouraged

Because Jpr said they were not religious I tried to explain that their fears were OCD related from a religious point of view. Maybe I failed.

It can be hard being Christian nowadays, I have no issue with people not being religious but it can make you feel bullied and defensive because of some peoples actions. Such is life, seems like the innocent are always the ones coping it.

Oh, OK, i will remember.

[Caramoole]

It can be hard being Christian nowadays, I have no issue with people not being religious but it can make you feel bullied and defensive because of some peoples actions

Not sure what you mean. What actions? Any action wasn't taken because of your beliefs or the content, simply a forum rule.

Because Jpr said they were not religious I tried to explain that their fears were OCD related from a religious point of view

I completely accept your good intention but to demonstrate the point with religious quotations wasn't really going to help. You'd still have to have some sort of belief to accept the premise of what's being said

[Phili]

Not sure what you mean. What actions? Any action wasn't taken because of your beliefs or the content, simply a forum rule.

I completely accept your good intention but to demonstrate the point with religious quotations wasn't really going to help. You'd still have to have some sort of belief to accept the premise of what's being said

I didn't mean on here, I meant in other places. Why do I suck so nuch at this.

Please someone give Jpr some proper advice.

[pureosufferer]

Speaking as an atheist (and as someone who suffers horrifically from pure-o), I think that if there was a god then logically you have to believe that he created you. He created every aspect of you and an all knowing god would know what you would be and how you would turn out, including all decisions you made before you made them. Therefore "punishing" you for what would have essentially been his plan in the first place doesn't seem to make much sense, does it?

I also had religious fears OCD back when I was a teenager and can therefore relate to what you're going through. I'm also aware that you can't rationalise with OCD so any advice I give will just be temporary relief from anxiety. All I can say is just continue with CBT and it will get better.

Edited May 2, 2016 by pureosufferer

[Guest jpr56]

Thank you all for attempting to help me, I really appreciate it.

[Dave]

Hello everyone.

I'm creating this topic because I'm afraid and desperate at the moment. To make a long story short; I'm afraid God will punish me and turn me into a sick, horrible person. I've been diagnosed with OCD a few years back and I'm struggling with it at the very moment. I have fear of being a horrible person. Almost everything I do on a daily basis has to do with me trying to be a good person and afraid to make mistakes. I am so terribly afraid I'm not a good person. I'm afraid God will punish me for thinking bad of him. I've never been a huge believer in God, and sometimes I question certain things about religion. I am not against religion at all, I think anyone should believe what they want to. I'm afraid because I think this god will turn me into a disgusting, awful person. I've been struggling with POCD as well for a very long time, and at this point I'm afraid God will turn me into a pedophile if I make mistakes or think badly of him. I've shared more about my OCD in this topic: http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=72375, so it's been a long time struggling and I'm just so... so tired.

Can anyone assist me or help me?

I have the same thoughts, sometimes. In fact when I recently took an HIV test, I was convinced I was going to be punished for my sins. It's very silly, as if you are a Christian, at least, then the whole concept is one of redemption through Jesus' suffering. However, I acknowledge it's silliness, but still worry about it on occasion. Unfortunately that's the nature of OCD.

[Caramoole]

As with every type of OCD thoughts, you are having intrusive, distressing thoughts that if you don't do something in a particular way or do something you feel you shouldn't, something awful will happen. In your case God will turn you into a sick horrible person.

This is exactly the same as someone who fears that if they don't prevent their home/children etc becoming contaminated then everyone will get sick or die and it will be their fault, they will be an evil person for not preventing it. Or someone, who whilst changing their infants nappy, fears that they've looked at at them inappropriately and worry incessantly that if they don't maintain rigid control they may snap and abuse their helpless child, that they must be a paedophile.

You try and control these thoughts and feelings by trying to control your circumstances, by carrying out compulsions or rituals, by avoidance, by trying to neutralise the thoughts by thinking good thoughts, by reassuring yourself with statements that "This could never happen" or "I'm a good person"

As with every type of OCD you have to firstly understand that although very distressing, this is what OCD does. You have to accept that the thoughts and feelings (though seeming so real) are part of the disorder. Then you have to identify all the things that you are doing that is helping to keep the fear as powerful as it is. Look at what you do when that awful thought strikes. What are you saying to yourself internally? What behaviours are you doing to comfort yourself and bring the anxiety down? What things are you avoiding? And having identified them, make a graded plan to face and change these behaviours whilst not responding to the anxiety. Your brain is reacting to a false error message.....it says "jump" and you jump, it says "jump higher" and you jump higher.

You don't have any particular religious beliefs and that should possibly help a bit because there isn't the conflict with faith, it's about recognising the falsehood of the thought, recognising the behaviours and steadily facing the things you fear and avoid.

[Cub]

Oh, jpr, my poor, poor thing.

There's so much in this I could empathise with and I'm so sorry you're feeling like this right now. I have religious OCD and I'm now nearly 26 after suffering for a long, long time.

I'm going to say this first: God does not want you to be a disgusting person. Like you, I pray that He will make me a good person and I often worry when it feels there's only silence in return. But sometimes I feel a little free will is needed, to trust ourselves and judging by your fear, you can trust yourself a LOT. There is no way in a million years that you are horrid because you're scared of it.

Religious OCD is a really tricky one and I'd like to commend you for outlining some key points; the fear of making mistakes, which is something I struggle with at the moment because I feel I'm in a bit of a sticky place and can't let go and be myself. But remember that God knows we are only human. I don't have much belief in organised religion these days, because the modern world has put me off a bit, but I do believe in God and what comes with Him, if that makes sense. It's okay to have a difference between the two, I think; it's just about what finding what feels comfortable.

I don't know if that will help at all but I promise you: you're not horrible. :hug: Look after yourself.

C x

[Caramoole]

Can I just say that we are slipping into the common mistake of debating how God will not judge, how God will always forgive, etc etc. This isn't about personal, religious beliefs but about OCD, about intrusive thoughts, about irrational fears, about avoidance.

This isn't about a crisis of faith or Gods role in a person's life.......this is about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder......particularly in this instance where JPR has stated "He's never been a huge believer in God"

Of all the threads I dislike responding to it's those concerned with religion, particularly where a sufferer does have faith, trust and belief in God......because I appreciate there is conflict and inner turmoil. In this instance (based upon what is written) there doesn't appear to be so.......and yet those with belief, with faith, respond with a very personal, religious view point (which I quite understand) but I don't believe is helpful in respect of the OCD

If the person is suffering with a crisis of faith, of conflict....because of their OCD....it may have some merit.....I may be wrong but it doesn't appear to be the case here, on the face of it.

I further dislike religious obsession threads, simply because I have no desire to question or belittle another's faith and belief....but by default, can easily do so, that's not my intent.

So, unless it's an obvious crisis of faith (in which case I'd advise referring to a trusted advisor like a vicar, priest etc) let's try and look at this from an OCD angle, not one influenced by our own beliefs.

I hope all will understand what I'm trying to say

[Guest Jezzie]

I have very little to add, but I struggle with these things too. No matter how much logical thought I put into it, my brain keeps clinging onto the "You're bad! You're evil! You're a sinner! God is going to abandon you and you will be attacked by evil spirits and you will lose your last bit of sanity and you will suffer from now through the end of eternity and it's ALL YOUR OWN FAULT!"

So, like everything else, I keep trying to hold on, and keep going knowing what what I know, and just dismissing--not even contemplating--the cruel, and ridiculous thoughts (because if you're trying to justify or debate with them, they've already won). I hope you feel better really soon.

[lilyflower]

Theres a website called Scrupulous Anonymous.  Scrupulousity is the term for religious OCD

[PolarBear]

On 5/2/2016 at 04:44, Caramoole said:

As with every type of OCD thoughts, you are having intrusive, distressing thoughts that if you don't do something in a particular way or do something you feel you shouldn't, something awful will happen. In your case God will turn you into a sick horrible person.

This is exactly the same as someone who fears that if they don't prevent their home/children etc becoming contaminated then everyone will get sick or die and it will be their fault, they will be an evil person for not preventing it. Or someone, who whilst changing their infants nappy, fears that they've looked at at them inappropriately and worry incessantly that if they don't maintain rigid control they may snap and abuse their helpless child, that they must be a paedophile.

You try and control these thoughts and feelings by trying to control your circumstances, by carrying out compulsions or rituals, by avoidance, by trying to neutralise the thoughts by thinking good thoughts, by reassuring yourself with statements that "This could never happen" or "I'm a good person"

As with every type of OCD you have to firstly understand that although very distressing, this is what OCD does. You have to accept that the thoughts and feelings (though seeming so real) are part of the disorder. Then you have to identify all the things that you are doing that is helping to keep the fear as powerful as it is. Look at what you do when that awful thought strikes. What are you saying to yourself internally? What behaviours are you doing to comfort yourself and bring the anxiety down? What things are you avoiding? And having identified them, make a graded plan to face and change these behaviours whilst not responding to the anxiety. Your brain is reacting to a false error message.....it says "jump" and you jump, it says "jump higher" and you jump higher.

You don't have any particular religious beliefs and that should possibly help a bit because there isn't the conflict with faith, it's about recognising the falsehood of the thought, recognising the behaviours and steadily facing the things you fear and avoid.

Oh boy, do I agree. I too dislike these threads because it is difficult to separate a person's beliefs from the fact they are suffering from a mental disorder.

One thing that is common with these types of threads is that several posters will answer initial posts with comments about how God would not do this or would do that, not realizing that what they are really doing is offering reassurance. Oh, the posts come from a place of self belief, and everyone thinks they're doing the right thing by offering comfort and words of encouragement that derive from their own religious beliefs, but at the end of the day what they are offering is reassurance.

Giving reassurance is feeding into a sufferer's compulsions. You have to stop doing it. It doesn't work. You can talk from your own experience, quote the bible or some other religious text all you want, but it is still reassurance. The sufferer might briefly feel better, but soon enough doubt will resurface and the sufferer will be back to square one.

This is a place to offer education and comfort when it comes to OCD. We all have to stick with that and not go down the road of offering reassurance, no matter how well meaning the act might be.