OCD, worried about hurting insects / small animals

[Guest Foenster]

First of all, English is not my native language, but please bear with me.

I have OCD. I have been visiting a psychologist a couple of times, although it didn't seem to help me much, so I have abandoned it. I am on medication, Ecitalopram (Cipralex) and Risperidone (Risperdal).

My main problem is that I have a fear of hurting insects. Let's start with some background.

I believe that all animals have some form of consciousness - a person can directly report pain, it's easy to see if a dog or cat is in pain - so, how far down in the animal kingdom can we assume that animals have some form of consciousness that can register pain? Do flies feel pain? Mosquitoes? Worms? Nematodes?

Since I can not know for sure that insects do not have a consciousness - even science is puzzled by this because there is no answer to what creates consciousness. It is, at least to me, quite obvious that there is something that controls insects by just studying them - they have some form of plan and goals with what they take on. So I attribute some kind of sentience to them.

Then to my great OCD problems. If I see an insect stuck behind a window, I'll have to let it out. If I do not do this, I will think about how terrible it must be to slowly die of exhaustion and lack of food behind this window. I would imagine myself in a desert, that I could not find my way out if, and I would slowly waste away and die of thirst, a very disgusting way to die. I feel it's the same thing for the bug - it has been born somewhere outdoors, flown around and now ended up behind a window, where it will die if I do not intervene to release it to freedom again, where it can live on. I certainly do not want to have this responsibility over life and death, but I have no choice, since I cannot just walk away from the situation.

If it concerned a larger animal that had been trapped, a cat or a dog, most people had reacted in the same way as I to set them free, but most people would not care about insects - they would simply not see the problem I've come to get stuck on. It's an obsession, that I'm surrounded by a bunch of small minds, the insects that surrounds you, that commands my attention.

I walk outside and see an earthworm or a snail on the road I pick them up and throw it onto a lawn or a hedge nearby, because they can be run over or dried out on the asphalt. I look around where I place my feet so that I do not step on anything living. However, it has gone so far that I often avoid going out at all when it's summer - the winter time is better, especially when there is snow on the ground that do not contain insects, so I can walk around freely.

One thing that stuck in my mind right now is that I have recently moved away from an apartment. I forgot to report a problem, there was a gap in the rubber strip that seals the window to the window frame. Through this gap a small insect could get inside the apartment (I have actually seen some small insect crawling around inside the two pane window). Since I do not have access to the apartment anymore, I cannot correct this mistake and get peace of mind. I called the landlord and told them about the broken sealing tape, but they said that I need not bother about it. Hard to stop caring with my OCD grinding in the back of my head.

Well, I'm not supposed to write an entire novel - there's plenty more to write about this - but this feeling of concern about trapping insects I have not found among the OCD material I have read. Most reading material deals with the thought of becoming infected by insects and bacteria - that is fear of insects hurting you, not fear about you hurting insects. My problem is the opposite to the classical fear of contagion, I take on too much responsibility for the welfare of insects. For instance, to place a glass of lemonade on a table and then walk away would not be possible for me, since I've just created a trap for insect to drown in. OCD is usually supposed to be about pure irrational thoughts - I would classify my thoughts as rational in that insects actually exist, that they have some form of neurology that can register pain, and the fact that you actually can see them die stuck behind a window. It's not all in my head.

Someone who recognize themselves in these thoughts?

[PolarBear]

Well there is a theme commonly referred to as responsibility OCD, where a sufferer feels overly responsible (beyond the norm) toward someone or, in your case, some thing.

You may figured out some rational arguments in your head for your behavior but what you do is rather irrational compared to what the other 7 billion people on the planet do in their daily lives. Then there's what bigger animals do. Do you think bears and deer watch where they walk? Hardly.

I guess my question to you is, are you bothered by this? Does being that careful around insects negatively affect your daily life? Or is it just more of a quirk that you're reasonably fine with?

[Guest Foenster]

I am extremely bothered by this. It affects my daily life, especially in the summertime when I often avoid being outside.

The problem is that my behaviour, thoughts etc are rational in one single instance of the problem. That millions of insects die all the time in horrible ways is something that cannot be avoided, but when I see a fly stuck behind a window, it will take only a couple of seconds of my time to let it out - so why not do it? Why not save this single fly? That you cannot save all things is no reason why you shouldn't save something in a particular instance. But this problem adds all those instances to a big problem that is my OCD.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Foenster

[Guest Foenster]

I just have to add that another thing that is unusual about my OCD is that it involves something other than myself and my internal thoughts about the world. When talking about ways of dealing with OCD like exposure therapy - in my case it would involve me learning how to kill small animals (sic!) which would be extremely bizarre to me. So the normal route of dealing with the problem seems closed. I just have to really know that insects do not contain any sentience at all, but who or what can guarantee this?

[PolarBear]

Well no one can guarantee any of that. You don't know and you won't know. But you can go on living, not giving much of a thought to a fly or an ant, just like the rest of the population. I think you're wrong -- exposure therapy would be a great idea for you.

[Guest anatta]

Hi Foenster. I too help insects and other small creatures when I can, but I've never developed an OCD theme around it. It's a good thing to, as you say, take a few seconds out of your day to release a fly buzzing at the window, or place a worm on some grass, but you don't need to avoid leaving the house. That will not prevent any suffering, it will only cause it for you and people who care about you.

If you accidentally step on a tiny creature, they're not going to suffer. It will probably be a far better way for them to die than whatever would have killed them otherwise; many worms get eaten by birds or drown, flies end up paralysed and sucked dry by spiders, etc. They might be capable of sensations like pain, and the most primitive emotions, like fear, but death under your foot would be instantaneous. They won't be missing out on a long and happy life, and they won't leave behind grieving families and friends.

I don't see why exposure therapy would have to involve killing them. As PolarBear says, this is a form of OCD called "hyper-responsibility", and when someone with hyper-responsibility feels they must prevent possible harm to other people to an excessive degree, they do exposures that don't include killing people! A good exposure would just be walking down the street in the summer.

Edited February 27, 2015 by anatta

[Caramoole]

I too would never harm another creature and probably do more than most to rescue those in distress.....save a fly from a spiders web, get spiders out of the bath, rescue a fly from the washing up bowl etc but I am not obsessed about it, I do nto feel responsible or distressed. This is the difference.

I could never work on a film crew out in the bush where I'd want to rush in and intervene when the lion went for a gazelle....but that is the order of the natural world and one that we can't change. Your response is excessive and can be worked on.

[Guest Tricia]

I share your obsession, Foenster, but maybe not quite to the same degree. There are ponds and containers in my garden, and I realize insects drown in them. I have to remove all I can and I always look where I walk. In summer, when there are many ants about, I can't walk on the concrete in my back yard. I used to occasionally find a dead mouse in one of our ponds and I still worry how long it took for them to drown.

I could probably kill an insect if it was quick, but the thought of something drowning slowly in water, or trapped and dehydrating or injured and possibly in pain, does really trouble me. I've always been like it and am not sure how to deal with it.

If I was asked in therapy to stamp on an ant, I might be able to bring myself to do it, but if I was asked to injure one and leave it like that I couldn't, not even to save my life. I have accidentally trampled over insects and they don't always die instantly. I do not know what the answer is. Some religions go to great lengths to protect insects etc.

I used to drink milk until I realized what mental torment a cow and the calf that is taken from her go through...

Anyway, you are certainly not alone and I also had a friend just like you.

Edited February 28, 2015 by Tricia

[SnookerTable]

Foenster

I can relate to your particular issue, and let me assure you it is still 100% ocd even though it is based in reality

Exposure would be something like to go up to the insect and stay there a while do nothing and then just walk away, then may be go back again later and then eventually leave things as they are, also sometimes the insect may be able to move out from its trapped position

Also the insect will have to die at some point and they probably die ordinarily in distress its part of life, but yes I understand if you see something in distress you feel responsible to help it, that's fine so long as your are not too obsessed about it etc, but you should try and walk along the pavement outside etc and try and not worry or check for things that you might stand on (I really do understand how difficult this could be for you), the real problem is this over powering thought and responsibility feeling which stays in your mind, people without ocd do not have these thoughts when walking around, but may just "slightly" if they see something stranded in there house, I like the vast majority of people usually flush an insect or spider etc down the bath plug hole or toilet and they probably survive that in any case, I would never kill an insect myself but again most people probably do

Talk to your Doctor about meds because I have responded very very well, and it would tackle your thoughts and the feeling of responsibility

Edited February 28, 2015 by SnookerTable

[Guest anatta]

I used to drink milk until I realized what mental torment a cow and the calf that is taken from her go through...

Anyway, you are certainly not alone and I also had a friend just like you.

Worse than that is what happens to many of the redundant male dairy calves. It begins with V. Same with redundant male chicks - some are tossed into a grinder alive, whether you buy organic or free range or whatever.

I'm vegan, which includes boycotting honey because of how commercial beekeepers starve or burn their colonies to death over the winter, or provide them a poor substitute for honey to live on.

I don't know why my OCD has never latched on to these issues, but I know that voting with my purse is the most effective way to make a difference to the species we interact with the most, and I feel satisfied that I take sufficient precautions and am considerate to life around me. For example, you can watch where you step, and with the pond put a movement-sensitive lamp or water spray by it, as we have to keep cats away, and/or place a ramp, bit of wood or rope in the pond for mice to climb out on. Mice can swim and they're excellent climbers. They're my favourite animal and I've seen videos of pet mice showing amazing dexterity , problem solving and agility - I'd keep rescued ones if the rest of the family agreed.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, just as when hyper-responsibility focuses on humans, you don't have to see it in such black and white terms. Your choice is not between intentionally harming humans or other species or refusing to take reasonable safety precautions for them as exposure, and constantly wondering if you have or will cause harm and refusing to leave the house. There is a happy medium between those extremes.

Edited February 28, 2015 by anatta

[Guest Tricia]

Worse than that is what happens to many of the redundant male dairy calves. It begins with V. Same with redundant male chicks - some are tossed into a grinder alive, whether you buy organic or free range or whatever.

I'm vegan, which includes boycotting honey because of how commercial beekeepers starve or burn their colonies to death over the winter, or provide them a poor substitute for honey to live on.

I don't know why my OCD has never latched on to these issues, but I know that voting with my purse is the most effective way to make a difference to the species we interact with the most, and I feel satisfied that I take sufficient precautions and am considerate to life around me. For example, you can watch where you step, and put a rope or ramp in the pond for mice to climb out on. Mice can swim and they're excellent climbers. They're my favourite animal and I've seen videos of pet mice showing amazing dexterity , problem solving and agility - I'd keep rescued ones if the rest of the family agreed.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, just as when hyper-responsibility focuses on humans, you don't have to see it in such black and white terms. Your choice is not between intentionally harming humans or other species or failing to take considerate safety precautions for them, and constantly wondering if you have or will cause harm and refusing to leave the house. There is a happy medium between those extremes.

I know Anatta, I saw a documentary about chicks and male calves. It's why I am also vegan. I have also heard the haunting cries of cows when separated from their young.

I understand what you are saying about insects etc., and there being a happy medium. I know you are right. I just don't know how to change!

P.S. There are places mice could climb out of the ponds, but obviously some don't realize they're there.

[Guest anatta]

P.S. There are places mice could climb out of the ponds, but obviously some don't realize they're there.

Try a pond light maybe? Or a water spray that reacts to movement, should scare animals away. I think we also had a net at one point, before we got those. We've never found drowning victims in it, even though we know we've had rats and hedgehogs in the garden. Might be because of other differences with the shape of our pond I suppose, but hopefully would help with yours too. Edited February 28, 2015 by anatta

[Guest anatta]

I like the vast majority of people usually flush an insect or spider etc down the bath plug hole or toilet and they probably survive that in any case

Spiders are fine in water as long as there's no soap or soapy liquids in it. Soap takes away their natural buoyancy and also does something else, I can't remember what, that causes them to drown. I don't know about insects but I doubt they've got the same adaptations, because when I've seen them get into water they look like they struggle instantly.

Edited February 28, 2015 by anatta

[worriedjohn]

Yes, this was my first obsession. I remember I used to walk looking at the floor so that no ant or insect could run over by me. I used to check under my feed so that no dead ant or insect is there. So on..... I am over this obsession now. But interestingly my theme is always Responsibility OCD and this was also it.