Today is hard

[Guest Rachel_OJ]

I am finding today particularly testing.

I feel incredibly insecure and I cannot stop thinking negative and intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend.

MY OCD has totally taken-over my relationship and I don't know where my OCD ends and real feelings begin. I am doubting my love for my boyfriend, if we should be together etc and it is breaking my heart. In turn, this is making my other OCD habits worse i.e skin picking, checking, counting to 4 when I do things, double, double checking things. I cannot trust myself to do anything.

I cannot see myself with anyone but him. I am self-destructing the relationship from within my own head and I cannot take it anymore.

It is all I can think about. I cannot concentrate on work, it is making me depressed and cranky around friends and family and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend anymore who has been so supportive. I don't know how he puts up with me the way I am.

I feel like a crazy person.

I have a drs appointment later but already worrying that they won't do anything for me.

I really am at my wit's end.

Help x

[ecomum]

You are doing the right thing going to drs.tell them it is ocd and they should be able to help.

Would it help to see it as the ocd that is hurting your relationship and not you.it can be you and him in it together fighting the ocd.work as a team and work hard. I know it is sooooo hard but i am not going to let ocd messs my life up again.

Hang in there u can beat it too

[Guest Rachel_OJ]

Thank you for your message. It really means a lot.

Yes, I can see that it is the OCD that is destructing, not me, but I should have the power to put a stop to it, and at the moment, I can't and that is the most frustrating thing. I am powerless to it - It washes over me like a tidal wave and I'm left upset and scared.

My partner is being great - he is supportive and tells me that it will be ok.

I am hopeful for a day when OCD will not control me! Thank you

[OCDLONELY]

Really hope the appointment helps. OCD messes with our thoughts, our beliefs and even our memories. Let us know how you get on. Good luck

Dan

[Guest Rachel_OJ]

Thank you Dan. I appreciate everyone's support so much. I'll keep you updated

[Guest gracelouise123]

I've had a good day today but have suddenly got myself into a panic about my relationship and I now can't sleep. It hurts a lot because I love him. He's my world, my rock. And losing him would be tragic. I know how you feel you can't trust yourself to do anything, I feel the same. Hope your appointment went okay, let me know x

[Guest Rachel_OJ]

Sorry to hear that you had a panic after a good day. I have been there lots and it is horrible.

My appointment went well. The Doctor took everything very seriously (I was worried about being fobbed off again!) and gave medication and is referring me for therapy.

I am relieved - this has helped a lot and I have had a much better weekend. Hope you have a better day today. x

[Guest gracelouise123]

That's really really good, see! Second time lucky! It's such a relief, I'm glad you're feeling better x